I'm infatuated.

but isn't that just the story of my life? in love one day, out of love the next? well i'm going to unabashedly express the fact that i have met a great guy.

someone that made me turn down a call from catchacase aka the head master aka superhead. i turned it down and didn't feel a thing about it.

friday, was the twins (ambo and sony studios) birthday they went to the comedy club the truth is they get on my nerves from time to time and i just didn't feel like being bothered instead i went with mr.wonderful to the movies and to dinner he was so sweet. he gave me the cutest little kiss. it was lovely.

earlier in the week he and i went to the beach (redondo pier) and walked around a bit. he's nice guy. in the mist of all the craziness. sigh. i just want to enjoy this momment before i find out all the bad stuff. before his history refocuses my rose colored glasses.

the strangest thing happened friday. ricrocc e-mailed me and asked me if i knew roo. if you ain't been following my blog you don't know how crazy that is. my ex e-mailing me to ask me if i knew my other ex. it was so bizarre! i didn't lie, i wrote him back and said i knew him but that i hadn't talked to him in almost 2 years, i asked him why? and he never wrote me back. strange huh?

my ex's are having meetings on me. wouldn't that be funny? powerpoint presentations and shit? swapping stories about me. a little scary if you ask me.

well not much has been up with the j-ster. i've been working and schooling it up. i did see an apartment that i really liked yesterday hopefully everything will work out. its a two bedroom and lord knows i need a two bedroom.

that's really it not much else to report....
*new york told me the most boring story about a coach at the gym...i can't even remember what day it was. i haven't talked to him since.
*chunks hasn't called me and i haven't called him. we were supposed to go to the movies a few weeks back but when he called i let the answering machine get it.

My firsts, lasts and nows at the time I wrote this post.

FIRST
First job: Tutor for Avalon Carver Community Center
First screen name: foxyb
First funeral: My cousin Malika she was 2.
First pet: Beastie (as in BEastie Boys) he was a Yorkie
First piercing: My ears...I came home from the hospital with them
First credit card: Discover Card...it is the center of my demise.
First kiss: Ricky Reed twin brother of one of my bestfriends in the 6th grade.
First enemy: Tomeka Thompson...I can't remember why...

LAST
Last car ride: Me swivering through Cali traffic in the AM
Last kiss: 2/12 from Catchacase
Last movie watched: The Number 23
Last beverage drank: VentiWhite Chocolate Mocha with Whip Cream
Last phone call: Man (another guy I'm window shopping)
Last time showered: 7am
Last CD played:Kelis

Now
Last website visited: postsecret.com
Single or taken: um...is there a difference
Gender: Female
Birthday: May 6
Sign: Taurus
Siblings: From my mom 1 sister, My father 1 sister and 1 brother, step children 1 sister and 1 brother. So officially 1 unofficially 5
Hair color: Black
Eye color: Brown sometimes hazel sometimes clear...I think I'm going blind.
Wearing: black boots, grey pink and black plaid pants, pink shirt black belt, black swing coat
Drinking: my same venti white chocolate mocha
Thinking about: this exam I'm about to give
Listening to: the sound of the air conditioner

My Christmas Vacay...

10% of the people born in Mexico live in the United States. Isn’t that a crazy statistic? I bet half of that 10% live in California.

How was yall’s Holiday? My holiday was beautiful.

CrazyC and I made up on Thursday…if that’s what they call it. I had a headache and he came over to help me get rid of it. He gave me a hot bubble bath, massage and a nice time to boot.

Friday I went to work and left work early and went and did a little shopping.

Saturday I went to my aunt’s house in Fontana, with my sister. We ate and played games (we are a game playing family). We left there about 9pm. Got home. Wrapped all my gifts.

Sunday I went to church. After church I called CrazyC to see if might want to go with me to my sister’s that evening, he said yes and to call him when I was done with shopping. SO I went to Toys R Us, Target, Sav-Ons and the 99 cent store (all in about and hour and fifteen minutes, yes I am a master shopper).

Once we got home I called Crazy C to see if he was going to come with me, he said yes. I told him that I would be ready in about thirty minutes and that I would call him when I was done. I finished getting dressed and cleaned the bathroom and called him. He didn’t answer, so I left a message telling him that I would be leaving in ten minutes so if he wanted to go for him to call me back before then. It was 6:30pm.

Do you know that this nigga didn’t all me back until 8pm?! And what the fuck was his excuse? “I had to get gas.” So he was getting gas from 6:30 to 8. I was sooo mad. Angry. Furious. I just hung up on him when he told me that stupid ass shit.

So we made cookies for Santa and drank brandy and eggnog and watched movies and laughed and giggled about just about nothing. When I got home, do you know that CrazyC did not call me?

Monday Morning, MY woke and she was Tooo happy! She was so excited. She said “thank you thank you thank you mommy for all my presents!” I could cry. She was so appreciative it was amazing that she was so thankful.

Her dad came over and she opened gifts with him. Then we got dressed and went to bigsis’s. Opened more gifts there. Bigsis brought me a Coach bag.

Then we left to Yas’s house. We ate food. Played games. Ate more food. Played more games. And went home.

At home, MY and I played with her toys. She was so happy.

CrazyC still didn’t call me. Flores called. Catchacase called. Bobby called (because he’s fucken out of his mind). But no CrazyC.

Tuesday, I laid in the bed all day. I didn’t make dinner until 9pm. I just was lazy and no one called to bother me.

This morning, I saw my stepbrother this morning. Believe it or not he recognized me. He walked up to me in Target and gave me a hug. He was never that type. Never the type to say hello if he knew you.

"you're a big girl now, fully grown with your own home now..."

I love Nas.



I love Beyonce’s new CD.

Everybody go buy it now.

Well my weekend was….um ok. I was acting up a little bit; but I have repented my sins so only GOD can judge me. remember that Tupac song? Damn I miss him like I knew him …

Thursday Catchacase came over to talk about this myspace baby he has. We talked and shit got tough but then it got better. Let’s just say he has a way of getting out of things. Sigh.

Friday I left work early so that I could go get my hair done. There was another girl at the shop getting her hair done, who I wanted to slap the shit out of. She was the epitome of conceited. She sat there with a mirror in her hand as E (my stylist) curled her hair saying loudly to me and the other chic in the shop “I’m bout to be fine. The niggas is gone be on me. Fuck, and I just got my eyebrows arched…damn I’m gone be fine” no I am not exaggerating that was her exact sentence. The other chic and I just gave each other the “she ain’t THAT fine” look and kept reading our magazines. After she was finished E busted her ass out. I guess last time she got her hair done she wrote a check that bounced so E was like “ I’m only taking cash from you from now on and make sure you include my banking fees” the chic looked all dumbfounded and says “here’s your little old funky 6 dollars” E said “thank you” and snatched the 6 dollars from her. I wanted to fall out; but I maintained my composure.

After sitting up in the shop I went to Lucky strikes with Bigsis and Yas. As soon as I got there they were ready to leave…you know us black folks if there are too many white folks we get concerned. So we left and went to Miyagi’s. That was whack so we went home.

Saturday, Big sis and I went to see Alex perform at BB kings. I had three Cosmopolitan’s and the “shit” began. I am really funny when I drink. Any ways we left BB kings and there was a swarm of folks at City Walk. I mean ‘hold on to your purse’ type crowds. Big sis took me home, I took a quick shower, got dressed and headed to her house in my car. She and I went to pick up Yas and we all went to this club in Long Beach.

It was cool. Nothing much happened. I had three more cosmopolitans. Oh yeah, my sister did see this guy she was dating. He told her he wanted to be with her and all this then stopped calling her altogether. She saw him and got pissed. She went over to him and I don’t know what exactly they were saying but he was left standing there looking dumb. I had told her from the first time I saw him that he was booty crust I guess she has to find it out on her own.

I had catchacase meet me at my house….sigh. When I got to my house, he was sitting on my stairs. Looking like he needed me to get it right on there on the stairs. We got in the house and he literally had me crying. Physical tears poured from my face. My hair was a mess….but who cares what your hair looks like afterwards?

I said at the beginning I was acting up. So don’t get to the middle and forget.

He slept over (My stayed at her dad’s this weekend). In the morning, I don’t never make breakfast…but I did this day. Bacon, eggs the whole nine…there is something to be said about the power of the penis. (Note to self…be sure to write post entitled “Power of the Pussy” regarding the conversation I had with my sister on Saturday)

After catchacase left I, worked on some homework, got up, showered, got dressed went to Walmart and to the grocery store. Then Flores texted me.

I put away the groceries and whatnot’s and (oh yeah this dude by my house walked up on me talking about he was the welcoming committee, can he help me take my groceries in. I laughed in his face. Not only have I been living at my spot for 5 years but that was a weak ass line. I HATE LINES. Be real. Be yourself.)I then swooped to Flores’ new apartment in Long Beach.

I get out the car and he’s like “Damn…you look like a dark skin Aaliyah, which your hair all hooked up...” I wanted to slap him. He knows how much I hate stupid ass comments like that.

Funny thing is, he had on some movie that was starring Cam’ron. I had a thing with Cam some years back (pre-baby...back when I really should have had a blog, back when I used to bump Trina and have tinted windows and rims, back when I didn’t have a real job, back when all that matter was gear and the club…back when I was a club promoter and in a car club…when I was young and fresh and hot.). So I’m sitting at Flores’ house watching Cam, funny.

Amway’s we’re sitting there talking and laughing and watching my old homey lover friend on TV and all of a sudden Flores gets up and gets some tissue and wipes off my lipstick. It was strange. He didn’t say anything, he just did it. Then he grabs my face and kisses me. I love kissing him; but, I pulled away. I squinted my eyes and I could see it.

The hopes I had for a real relationship with him were gone. I just shook my head. I guess he could see it too because he says “just tell me if this is over now.” I was surprised that he was that on it. I didn’t say anything. We just sat there looking at each other.

I got up and put my shoes on (he has white carpet), I gave him a big hug and left. We didn’t say anything else.

I got a text from him that said “Thanks” I wrote back “yeah, thanks” He wrote “Whatever happened? I really like you…” I wrote “You really like having sex with me sadly I really liked you. It’s too hard to pretend that that’s ok.”

Inhale. Exhale.

oh wait the hell up.

one last thing I forgot to mention.
Catchacase and I hung out on 9/1 and he had mentioned to me something about his motorcycle club and thier myspace page. so last week friday (9/9) I was sitting at my desk and decided to look him up, why the hell does he have pictures of him a baby! I been off and on with this knuckle head for three years and he has pictures of him and a 4 month old baby on his myspace page....
funny stuff. huh?
I wouldn't be tripping if he would've said "Hey, I'm going to be having a baby with another girl" mainly because we don't get down like that...haven't in quite sometime now...I'm just trippin that I had to go on myspace to find out...bullshit.

Labor Day...

Labor Day Weekend started on a Wednesday this year.


Wednesday.
Ambo, Rambo (the twins younger brother) and I went to Dub Club but the line was too fucken long. So we left there and went to the Shortstop, right down the street, and it was alright. We drank $4 drinks and sang along and danced to old school/hip hop/salsa/70’s pop/new school/punk music all night.

Thursday.
Catchacase came by to hangout before his motorcycle club meeting. I feel asleep at 9:30pm.

Friday.
My co-workers and I went bowling at this spot in Westchester. It was cool. We had a good time. Drinking, dancing ensued and a good time was had by all. Catchacase came with me. We rode his motorcycle, so my hair was an afro.

Saturday.
I went to a white linen party on a four hour boat cruise. I wore the cutest dress. A white Marilyn Monroe dress, with one of those bright red wide band belts (that are in these days), these red strappy shoes, a red necklace and earring set, and a red head band. I was hot. Bigsis, Yas, Bigsis’s new boyfriend SS, and I went. SS said that one of his friends, KL, was going to be there.

Turns out, KL is the nicest guy. He and I danced all night long. When the cruise was over we went to this little club, but we didn’t want to pay for it.

The guy that gave the cruise made some banging ass jambalaya. We (Yas, bigsis and myself) were being extra ghetto and eating the jambalaya all walking across the street to the club.

We left the club and went to 7-11 and got slurpies and went home.

Sunday.
Aunt that lives way out in the dessert, where my mom had taken my daughter to this whole week, had dinner at her house. My uncle fried a turkey, my mom made jambalaya, my aunt made potato salad, my other aunt made greens….It was TOO GOOD. I ate drank and was merry.

Then my little cousin got to cutting up and I had to sock his ass in the cheek. No Lie. I socked the shit out of his 20 year old ass for telling my aunt (who has Multiple Sclerosis) that she was “talking stupid”. I fucked his fat ass up and then cussed him out.
Wasn’t nothing he could say, he tried to raise up but I told his ass, “You touch me and we gone have to call the ambulance and the police. Cause we gon need both and I didn’t come all the way out here to go to the hospital.” He backed his ass down. Little fucker.


Monday.
We went to Bigsis’s house and cooked

Girl I think you fine, holla at me.

My vacation was fantastic.

Saturday. I flew into Fort Lauderdale. Sony Studios met my at the baggage claim. Mom picked us both up from the airport. We got to moms house. Huge home. Five bedrooms, three baths, den, patio, pool, two backyards, front yard, lovely. My jumped her bathing suit and got in the pool. Sonystudios, Bigsis (she and the kids flew in Friday night) and I got dressed for the club.

We went to the “Blue Martini”. It was cool. Moms said she had seen it, one night when she’d gone to the movies… it was mostly white people. No offense but we were the only chocolate drops there. 3 martinis’ cost $36; so we each only had one drink. We hung out there for a while. We got our hand stamped and left out. Some guy told us the black clubs were down the street. We caught one of those things were the guy pedals and taxi’s you to your destination on a bike. He was sweating like a damn hog. The three fat booty’s on the back of the bike; had his ass working for a tip.

The second club was called Elite. It was tiny. There were plenty of booties shaking and breast hanging out, bullet wounds, stretch marks, weaves and wigs, gold teeth (fronts and full). We meet some guy that we named Chris Brown.

We walked back to the car and we were going to stop at Denny’s but; the racist acts of our waitress forced us to leave.

Sunday. We went to Universal Studios. My got to participate in Fear Factor Live, her favorite show. It was too hot for us to enjoy it really. We didn’t even get to see the whole thing…but what we saw was crackin. We were too tired to do anything when we got home. Sleep fell upon us.

Monday. We took the boat to the Bahamas. It was fun. There was an outbreak of malaria. We decided to not go on shore because of that. We snorkeled, danced, ate all day long…it was too fun.

Tuesday. Early that morning we went to the beach. It was beautiful. I walked about a mile out and the water was at my waist. The water was warm. My nephews and I made “people” in the sand. I love the beach there.

My mom and step dad cooked. It was too good. Greens, cornbread, macaroni and cheese, potato salad…yummy. I was too stuffed.

That evening we walked to the beach and watched a 23 minute fireworks show. We the walked promenade and I even rode the mechanical bull.

That night my cousin, sort of, took us to South Beach to Party. It was off the chain.

Wednesday. That morning we went to some all you can eat restaurant…that was too good. Sony Studios missed her flight that morning. But she caught one at the same time that evening.

My first flight to the ATL was rough; but it was only and hour. I then had to sit in the ATL airport for 3 hours. Once I got on the plane I sat on the runway for an hour and a half waiting for electrical storms to end. My flight was too scary, it dropped and I could see the lighting out the window, the electricity keep turning off, it was terrifying.

I didn’t get home until 1:30am Pacific time. I was and still am tired.

Catchacase came by last night and told me that he has to turn himself in to the police tomorrow he has been going through court the last couple of months. He was driving and his friend had a gun in the car…they both were charged.

I was going to break up with Bobby yesterday…Reasons to be explained in a later post… but since I can’t bring Catchacase with me to Catalina on Saturday (my old boss Kos is paying for it and she already brought the tickets) so I have to take him.

Why don't Asian people like cheese?

the following two paragraphs are highly explosize..not for the weak at heart.

i am so fucken mad at my babby-daddy (ole ghetto bullshit). i called him on father's day to ask him why he didn't call me and say "happy father's day" and he asked me if he could watch My on thursday june 22 and 23. i told him fine. that was a good idea because My's school is closed friday (how the hell a day care provider gone go on vacation?) so i really need him to be there for me and watch her. he said he understood the importance of this and he would definitely watch her.

why did he call me thursday night and say that he couldn't do it because he was over his friend's house? he's a fucken bastard. no good father been in a two year college since i met his ass in 1999 half ass workin part time for church's chicken tramp.


relax. relate. release.

thursday catchacase came by. he just came to bring me some dinner and hang out. no sex. no kissing. none of that so..don't start tripping on me.he did ask me to go to the movies with him friday to see that tyreese flick. i said yes...i'm weak-help me.

on friday i was mad at bobby because i had left my cellphone at home while at work and when i got home there were 14 missed calls ALL from him. I was pissed.

i called him. pissed.I say "what is your problem!" he responds "my bad, you never leave your phone i was worried" i say "why were you calling so much?" he says " i was mainly calling you because i wanted to buy My some shoes..." i felt bad...he brought my daughter shoes. so sweet.

friday I took my weave down (yes, i am keeping it o-so real) and washed my hair. my crop is way too thick. i had a massive afro so i sat at home eating ice cream watching "girl interuppted" (as you can see from my site address one of my favorite movies). catchacase didn't call me.

saturday one of my instructor's daughters braided my hair. i was heated because she arrived late and stopped to take a four hour lunch in the middle leaving me with a fourth of my hair not done by the time i went to sleep.

bobby's cousin brought bobby over in the middle of me getting my whip done, he was drunk. so drunk that he sat on the floor beside me and fell asleep. then suddenly he woke up put a bag of braid hair in his mouth and fell back to sleep. I was so embarassed.

i texted catchacase to tell him how pissed i was at him for not calling me and some wrote back "catchacase is in the hospital, he got hit on his motorcycle." I called his mom she said he was at northridge hospital. i called but he didn't answer the phone. i'm afraid to call him back.

sunday morning the chic came back to finish my hair.

bigsis and i made plans to go eat at ihop and then venture into one of the most ghetto fabulous places in los angeles the slauson swapmeet. rims and white tees as far as the eye can see. asian folks selling us our souls; quantified in braid hair, nugget gold, bootleg cd's and knock off clothing. we were looking for sandals. no luck.

bobby called me and told me and bigsis to come over to his brother's house. his brother is FIZZZZZZZINE. i mean, i wish i met him first fine. so fine i try not to look directly in his eyes for fear that i may slip.

bobby introduced bigsis to him and they hit it off. i think they feeling each other.

we all ended up at my house, bobby ordered pizza nad we watched "boyz in the hood"...dang 1993 was along time ago....we gettin old yall.

AMP texted me yesterday asking for my sunday evening. i told him i'd be in the bahamas that day. i think he thought i was lying cus he never wrote me back.

Read the other post first.

My Weekend started on Thursday. Sony Studios was here from out of town because she had a dental appointment...believe it. So in celebration of my bestfriend being in town we had to get out.

We went to this Reggae spot. It’s generally kind cool. This White MC that for some reason everyone feels is dope…he’s not. But it was hot because Red Rat performed he had in cracking in there.

We left out and had to wait for a damn hour for the valet.

I didn’t get home until 4 am . I was trying to push up on me some AMP love since I was so close but I was too tired.

Friday morning I had planned on getting to work at 7:30 to deal with some issues I’ve been having with the morning students But I woke up at 10:00am. What the hell?

Friday evening MY went to her dad’s so he could play dad for the day. My school had graduation. I teach in front of thirty people everyday and think I was so nervous to talk in front of a group for graduation.

That night I went home to enjoy some quite time alone and ordered a pizza. Catchacase called me and asked me if I wanted to go to a movie I was feeling like company so I agreed to go with him. It was sweet.

That morning my key was stuck in my car ignition. Some ole bullshit I suppose. But I didn’t really want to go anywhere and leave my shit that way. SO I took it to my sister’s a rode with her the whole day since my mechanic is closed on the weekends. We took the kids on a fantastic day. They had so much fun… The Movies lunch and the park. They didn’t know what to do! All the while it was a set up because BigSis and I were trying to get out that night.

I took My to my grandmothers. At my grandmother’s “Mother’s day Request”.

Bigsis, Yas, their dark skin I-got-to-be-on-a-plane-so-I’m-going-to-fuck-up-every-body’s-night-with-R.Kelly friend and I went to this club in Long Beach. It was cool Except for the fact that, all the men that weren’t there to pick up scantly clad white women had round bellies. We drank and laughed and had a good ole time.

Some guy told me he used to dance for immature and that he had two tickets at will-call if I wanted to go. I must’ve laughed so hard…First of all immature doesn’t even exist anymore….second of all…no there is no second of all.

We left there and went to Denny’s. We’re sitting down eating and I see my home girl Sani. We damn near blew up when we saw each other! I was tripping because her ass lives in New York now and she was tripping because she said She knew my ole crazy ass had some mad ass Billie goat laughs in store for everyone at our table.

Well we’re sitting there laughing at my drunk ass. When we look out the window we see Yas’s 2007 Camry being towed away. We all were sitting there like WHATTHEFUCK! We run outside and stop the tow truck driver his ass throws a card at us and we’re left sitting there like thieves. We toss some money at the lady at the counter at Denny’s and hop in a cab. He takes around to where the car was.

All I can say is four intoxicated, educated but still know how to cuss yo ass out black women at 3am and their car has just been towed. Trouble, trouble, trouble…. Needless to say the police were called and we ended up filing suit with the bogus ass company this morning.

My Mother’s Day…
I woke up to three dozen red roses from AMP. He took me to a fabulous early breakfast. I felt like fabulousness.

Bobby took me to a birthday party for his cousin’s daughter: a water slide and an air-jump, cotton candy machine and water guns and popcorn and hot dogs…MY had too much fun. I met his family. Scary. Now does that mean I’m like his girl friend or something? *Shivers*

After the party he took me to Bertha’s for Gumbo, neckbones, macaroni and cheese, red beans and rice and corn bread. I loves to eat so I had an enjoyable time.

Code names by request:

My: My three year old daughter.
Kinko’s / Ambo: My best friend’s twin sister, known her about 20 years
Sony Studios- My best friend, used to live with me when we were younger, lives in New Jersey now
Monnie: My habitual liar friend that is married to a man that works in a gay bar and has three kids with him
Martinez: My friend that is a parking enforcement agent, that I’ve known for about 20 years, couple years older than me has three kids, hates her boyfriend but is getting married to him
BigSis: My older sister
AMP: this guy I met who’s an instructor, very cute.
Bobby: Another guy I met that is a contractor and is already falling for me.
RicRoc: this guy I’m in love with but we can’t make it work…even after three years
Catchacase: This younger guy I used to date that I still hang out with form time to time.

Monday nite

I've decided that my New Year's Resolution is to tone my ass down. Now more wild stuff. I think I kept a hold of it in 2005...Cuz ya'll know 2004 was too much and out of control.

My focus this year is peace.

I accomplished a lot in 2005 but 2006 is going to be the year.It's my season! All the seeds I have planted it's time for them to grow....

This year I will...

1. Get my driver's license back...long story.

2. Save money.

3. Take the Pharmacy Technician Certification Exam... so I can get them letters at the end of my name.

4. Finish up these classes for my Bachelor's. Or at least start the classes.

5. Prepare for the purchase of a new car...which goes along with #1.

6. Release the negative people from my life that I've known for too long that I need to get rid of.

7. Stop dealing with Ricroc, Catchacase and Crazychris they all are out of thier fucken minds.

8. Take a real vacation again.

9. Prepare to move in a larger apartment.

10. Thank God for everyday.

so sick of love songs...so tired of tears

SO much crap has been going on around, all up in here, that I don’t even know where to begin.

My is talking way too much her ass is Oprah on crack its ridiculous!

So crazychris and I tried a little reunion and of course we’ve broken up again. yea that’s always the story. He went with me to my aunt’s thing…I think I already wrote about it.

Around like back by Thanksgiving I met this guy, whom of which we will call Dopeman. Thus, explaining what he told me his job was. I’m not settling trust me. I don’t want to be the “girl” of the Dopeman; but, he likes me so much that I don’t want to abruptly stop seeing him. He’s not hostile or anything but I don’t want to burn ….anymore bridges.

Ricroc had texted messaged me around Thanksgiving telling me that he had a girlfriend. .. yeah ain’t that some bullshit? Then he texts me around Christmas and says that they broke up… what the hell? First of all why do I have to be the damn “report desk”? Is he texting me these messages for what reason? To tease me? To inform me of his status?

Then, get this, he calls me of New Year’s Eve and asks me whether or not I wanted to go to one of his friends houses with him. What the shit?

Catchacase did come by and check on my car and told me some bullshit about having a friend of his stop by and fix it….I didn’t believe a breath of that shit so I called my “ole boy” and had him fix it… for $10. And of course Catchacase’s ass didn’t even follow through anyway. Niggas ain’t shit.

Met some other dude, let’s call him Tech. Well Tech is a nice guy but the other day we were out to lunch and he did this lip press together eye bulge face like exuberant gay men do. It was a shock to my system…so I figured he was gay. Later when he was leaving, he kissed me sexy. I don’t know what to say? Then he leaves me messages on my cellphone like “I was just calling you to hear your beautiful voice”. Are we girlfriends or are we something else?

Yo.

SO My weekend went marvelous. I didn't do a damn thing...well I did but not really... I went and brought My the skates sh'e been asking me for, for her birthday. I reserved the sopt for her birthday and her dad even gave me $ for it believe it or not...I thought the sky was about to cave in or something.

I went to dinner with Catch a case on Friday. He's so grown up now. Got a job working as a sparklettes man....it shows...Sunday went to church and that's bout it.

Last week I was so poor. It got me to thinking...when you ain't got no money don't it seem like you pay attention to shit more? Like the gas meter and your belly rumbling, and your heart drops when you come home late and all the lights are off...well maybe not you but it sure does for me.

Today I don't feel good. I ate some red meat this weekend trying to cook a "wholesome" meal for my child Sunday and now I feel sick.

Buzzards.

"you got to live and learn...."

I'm giving up soda for the next forty days. 4 days and counting.

I had been clenching my jaw while I was alseep the first nights of this week. I have unresolved issues. Wednesday my jaw was hurting so bad that I had to do something. I called my aunt to ask her how my sister was doing since she and I are not talking. And she told me that she was fine and that I should take the first step and call her. I didn't. But just talking to my aunt about my sister and I arguing made me feel better. Then I texted Class.

When he finally wrote me back we texted for about two hours about a whole bunch of shit. And I'm still in limbo about my feelings for him. I can feel the truck about to smash right into my face.

What's crazy is that all these re-runs keep calling me. RicRoc and I had dinner Sunday, Catchacase called me last night to see if I wanted to go to dinner tonight, Ant is calling me again. It's very strange.

I'm back...

Vacation with the family was great... pictures are pending...

We drove to Las Vegas and to Hoover Dam and to the Grand Canyon.... I can't tell what happened because what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas...but I can say... I had a great time.

10 item Life update:
1. I'm still talking to Roo. Lately he's been having a little liteskinboi attitude...I'm thinking about ditching him for real this time.

2. I went on a date with Catch a case on Saturday..who is legal now so I should change his reference name... but I had forgotten how handsome he is...damn.

3. RicRock and I have not spoken since the 11th of June I think he thinks I'm mad at him.

4. Crazycris has been calling me lately and trying to take a sista out... but who wants to be involved with his craziness.

5. My is talkin up a storm now. its like she just woke up one day and said damn this being a baby shit.

6. It was hard to see bigsis cry because mom went home on sunday. imagine three grown ass women standing in bigsis's teenytiny dinning room shedding serious tears. It was a lifetime movie channel momment.

7. I got all the color cut out of my hair so now it only comes to my shoulders. Then for the vacation I got some human hair braids and I think it's kinda cute.

8. Baby daddy called me last night and admitted that he has been an awful father... I have to be weary of this phone call...he might be bargaining for a place to stay...you know home boy don't lay his hat down very long.

9. I need two front tires, some beat, tinted windows, some rims and a tune up.

10. Why hasn't the damn phone company turned back on my voice mail?

Shit don't change.

Seems like every time I write it's to tell about my weekend. this post won't be any different.

Friday night I came home cleaned my house and went to sleep.


Saturday I woke up and took my shower. Shay shay called me and asked if Mya and I would come out to see her and her husband.. why is it that all my friends have husbands? So I got dressed and drove out to Pasadena. We decided to hit up the mall even though I ddin't have a damn dime to my name. I figured I could just window shop. It is so difficult to enjoy shopping with absolutely no money in your pockets. All I purchased was a 3.97 pair of chunklas (spanish for "flip-flops") from old navy ans some damn dip n dots. Couldn't even buy trinkets if I wanted too. Shame shame shame.

Saturday night Catch a case came by...i guess I should come up with another name since the boy is at least 21 now. We hung out and watched a bootleg. And he left. Same ole Same.

um?

SO being with CrazyChris is like being in the middle of beauty and the beast. Now don't get me confused he is not by far an ugly guy. He's about 6'2 or 6'3. He has a really nice body. His face kind of reminds me of Ludacris. Especially now that he's wearing cornrolls. It’s more like if I touch him he flinches? What is that about? Is it me? I know it’s not me.

He is just not very affectionate. I am so lovey dovey, kissey, foo-foo and I think maybe it is a little too intimidating for him. But if you weren’t used to getting kissed and hugged and cuddled, wouldn’t someone doing that to you for all these damn years make you feel more open?…I don’t know…It’s like pulling teeth for him to say some thing like “I wish you were here in the bed next to me” It’ half-way unbelievable when he tells me stuff like that.

Well I’m officially a cradle robber.
I was in Wal-mart (my favorite household store). And who do I see coming around the corner? A beautiful chocolate skinned, 6 2 standing, muscular bodied, cheek dimpled, sexy ass smiling Catchacase. He is too fine. And what he can do with his….let me shut up. Well Catchacase comes a walking down the isle; I give him a great big ole hug. And You know a sista was CHEESSIN… Who is just behind him? His mom. I damn near fell out.

I look pretty young myself. As a matter of fact the cashier at Sav-on’s told me that he thought I was 17 before I gave him my ID to buy some tequila , triplesec and margarita mix. So I was hoping that I could just play it off. Catchacase introduces me to her and I shake her hand. She tells me “you are such a pretty girl” I say “Thank you and smile” How could I stand here and meet this woman that I was sexing her young 18/19 year old son? She then says to me “so did you meet ‘Catchacase’ at school?” I say “no, a friend of his lives near me and I met him one day while he was over there” She says “oh” and scrunches her face up. She then asks “well what school do you go to?” I say “well I went to Cal state Los Angeles” She says “went to?” I just shake my head. She says “oh you look so young how old are you?” DUN! DUN! DUN! Do I lie to this woman? Do I tell her 17? 18? No. My air headed ass says “23” all big a boastful. She just peers down at me over her nose and grabs Catchacase and walks off.

Is 18 and 23 really that big of a difference? I went to prom with someone who was 24. but I guess I wouldn’t want my daughter to follow suit.

Yes Yes I’m going to hell. I know..

"Whatcha know about a supa model..."

I love Usher. Even though, I hear he has a serious case of OCD (obcessive compulsive disorder)via Rolling Stone Magazine issue #948 May 13, 2004:
"...like seperating M&Ms in different bowls by color, which he does to keep his hands busy when he's sitting around, or the need to coordinate the fifty or so pairs of jeans in his closet by fade color. Whenever he goes out, in addition to carrying $5000 in cash he takes along a small bottle of hand sanitizer"

I had to sight my source of reference so those Usher-heads won't bombard my blog with nasty notes

Friday MC called me and asked if I wanted to go with him to his friend's house to "hang". Since I am the sophisticathed lady that I am I told him "hell naw, I don't want to be the only chic in a room full of dick." On second thought I guess it doesn't seem all that bad.

SO instead I went to the BOOTLEG movies (Catch-a-case's house) and watched "Celluar" which is not that bad...ok yes it is... and "Anaconda"...which I fell asleep on after the first asshole got eaten.

After the movies =SLEEP...beautiful, uninterrupted, pillow saturated in slober, sleep....

Saturday Got my toes done.

Went shopping because I knew I was going to have to get out the damn house.

Went to club Monte Cristo with my cuzo (cousin) Kita and some of her co-workers. Who, by the way, were just ugly.

I know it's not nice to call people ugly and I'm not all extra too-fine-sexy-hot-momma, but when they are and it's true you just have to say it. These chics were ugly. And not the type of oh they just need some make-up or a quick outfit make over type ugly. They were ugly. Now please don't go to thinking that I think I'm all that, because I am the first to point out the fact that my bottom teeth are a little crooked from sucking my thumb and that I prolly need a boob job; but the these chics were bringing down the property value.

One was like 7 foot 9 and had this light brown weave in her jet black hair that was dry and all mangled and obviously uncombed and quite possibly could have had curls at the ends at one point but was long gone and forgotten by the time she got to the club. She had these crooked, extra large, extra long rabbit teeth that had a gap in the middle.Her eyes looked down syndrome and her cheeks hung down suspiciously. ***pauses and squints eyes*****She had on this pink drop neck shirt that she had to keep pulling closed because her sagging breast were almost falling out, these black spandex ankle hugging pants on and strappy shoes.

The second chic was kind of chunky; but it was a cute Countous Vaughn type chunky. She would have been adorable excepted she kept scrunching her face up like her top lip stank and bugging her eyes out like a damn iguana. She had these 9 month old cornrolls in her head and jelly-beads at the ends. She wore this SKIN tight tan colored, tube dress, with apparently NO undergarments at all, and it was entirely too big at the top so it was sticiking out because oddly enough, even though she was a big girl, she had no titties. She had on light green flip flops and her toe nails were brown and not because of the polish.

The third chic had this flowing type shirt that fadded from white into greyish blue, these white ankle hugging jean pants (is this some new thing that I just don't know about?) and these black suede shoes. She had a curly weave and had her real hair straight with about a hand full of gel plopped on top of it all. Her face was pretty but she had the mean mug on like the chunky chic that just made her look awful.

I am a happy person and spoke to all of them...cause their ugly don't affect me...but they all had attitudes.

Being that I am a lush, had my first few drinks (all within ten minutes of each other) and sat my ass down and tried to start up a convo with the girls. None of them seemed to be happy. So I offered to buy a round of drinks to perk up the convo but, no one partook. So I eneded up dancing by myself for a bit.

Then the tall one came out and danced with me and she and I started up a convo. We were laughing about New Edition and some dude with a white belt on (My opinion is that men who wear white belts are gay...that's just me) and she turned out to be really nice. Once the other two saw that me and the tall one and my cuzo were having a good time they figured out I wasn't the stuck up bitch they thought I was, so they came out to dance.

When I confronted my cuzo on her friends, she said that the chunky one told her that she thought I looked like i was going to be stuck up so she automatically had an attitude with me and that the other two are her lackies so they prolly just followed suite.
At first I got pissed off because I knew it was most likely a self esteem issue on their part. Because anyone who knows me knows that I can be the sweetest most kind hearted girl ever. Then I thouhgt it was thier bad that I wasn'looking all crack-ish like thier asses. Because excuse me saying so I was working my black heels and that army green skirt and that black low cut shirt with "my" curly hair.

Then I thought maybe I do give off that attitude to people. I've never had anyone tell me that, but maybe I give off that "I think I'm cute" vibe... I don't...think I'm cute that is....but maybe I unkowingly give that ora off. Because even though I liked how I was looking I'm never the type chic to be so high on herself that she can't see her attitude is stank.

My sister gives off that vibe. If I were someone that didn't know her and I was introduced to her I wouldn't like her at first. I told her that when she and I went to the movies the other day and she was totally offened by that....I think that's how I'd be if someone ever told me that.

I think I will evaluate how I interact with people. I def don't want people to think I'm stuck up.

Sunday Didnt go to church I was too hung over.

Picked My up from dads and went to my Rush party.

Thusly, I ended my weekend with a pizza party with my two year old.

my weekend.

i really didn't do much this weekend.

friday, My was sick. so i didn't want to go anywhere really. not that much was going on...oh, yeah, there was this "flag party" for south american independence day, but it was 18 and over and i don't particulary care to party with youngins..that's usually when the trouble gets ta bubblin...not that the "21 and up" crowd is any better, but there is generally a less chance of someone getting mad cause you stepped on his air force ones that it took him six months of allowance to buy.

so i stayed home friday and cleaned the hizzy.

saturday, I went and got some shit fixed with my new old car. i can finally take the damn number out of my window and get some real license plates.

when i got home, guess who called me? CRAZY CHRIS. Lord knows this man is out his mind.I have been having dealings with this man since I was 13. He was the first guy I ever kissed and he seems to be dead set on making himself the first person I have to kill. doesn't the term having dealings sound real old school? He claims that we are getting married and that we're going to make beautiful "coffee con leche" children. The problem with that is, he's a one hump wonder. No lie, I promise you, this one time we had sex and it lasted the length of time that it takes the Ricky Lake theme music to play. I was hot. Not only the sex thing but he drives me crazy and only because I let him. AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

i washed, blowdryed, pressed and flat ironed my own hair so I was completely out of it for the rest of the evening, i went straight to sleep. My hair is toooo thick and absolutely to NAPPY for me to be playing Indiana Jones and going at it myself...but a sista is broke and broke does not have to equal ugly afro.

hernandez had called me early in the day to tell me he wanted to "come through" whatever that shit means...I said cool. but I fell alseep so even if his punk ass would have called me to say he wasn't "coming through" I would have been sleep. SO, I don't know about this nigga no more. things were going real straight but I don't know...I hate feelin like I can't trust you to be real with me. I feel like he's not being upfront about his situation. I know last week I had a conspiracy theory going abouthim and sony studios and I know that I have the tendency to take one little "clue" and run with it and i know he has issues with the INS and shit but I think there's more... the plot thickens..

i am seriously looking into this hermit thing. men....can live with them...that's it nothing else.

Sunday, I went to church...The pastor was in Africa, so we had a guest speaker. This woman is amazing every time she comes to my church. The last time she was here one of the things she talked about is how having grandchildren is your reward for not killing your children... too funny.

After church I was supposed to go to the beach with sony studios, her new "guyfriend" and martinez. But Maritnez and Sony Studios are the reason that I don't have very many friends. They are the type of people women that are always in your face but constantly talking behind your back and behind each others backs. It's ridiculous. Once I started thinking of that and how if I went with them I'd prolly ride with one of them and I'd prolly have to stay as long as they wanted to stay and listen to thier rambling on about each other if one walks away and about everyone who crosses thier paths so I decided that I didn't want to deal with it.

Instead, My and I went to Dockweiler Beach right down the street from my house. I figured My would be afraid of the water and not want to put more than her feet in, so I didn't bring a change for her but that cow put her whole body in...so we had to leave early.


I spoke to Hernandez for a minute but I guess instead of talking about the issue i just had an attitude so we didn't talk very long...I know, I know, that was me trippin, cause even if he is doing something wrong I shouldve said something instead of getting an attitude.

Catch-a-case called me last night too. He was all guffed up because I haven't called him in two weeks. Every time I talk to him, I remember that he is three years younger than me and I feel like a dirty old lady.

Sunday night, last night My was taking quick rapid shallow breaths, sweating, had a low grade fever, being very clingy and whinney and could barely hold her head up, so i called the doctor and he says "give her cough medicine and bring her in tommorrow at 10 as soon as we open" what the shit kind of advice is that?

I was super worried and barely slept at all. I called Muq and all this tramp can talk about is how she and her "not-really-her-boyfriend-but-we-have-sex-and-don't-want-each-other-to-talk-to-other-people-and-sometimes-tell-people-that-we're-engaged-and-are-planning-on-moving-in-with-each-other" friend aren't talking to each other. My baby is ill and your telling me about this shit? Something about some guy from her job calling her and her "friend" thinking it was another guy...? what the? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! what the hell? come on, she's supposed to be my bestfriend and the entire time I'm telling her about my baby she keeps turning the conversation back to herself. No don't get me wrong, she does have the tendency to be a little self-glorified at times but this is my baby...i do know that but this shit pissed me off.

This morning I get to the doctors office at 10, the nurse triages My, puts us in a room and doesn't tell me until 1215 that the damn doctor called in sick today. aint that about a bitch? I missed four hours of work for nothing at all. I'm changing doctors. My seemed to be feeling better I plan on taking her to see her new doc some time this week...

the crazy came out

So I went to the club again on Sunday. Yes three times in a two month period does make me a regular. There was a 500 Jamaican-me-crazy contest. Those women in there are super slores!!! One heffa pulled her dress up and showed her moosey to every person there. It was horrific.

I didnt' get to drink since I met Muq there...ok I didn't get to get drunk but I drank.

I met another guy. Even though I was on some whole"I don't date" shit. I was not giving out the digits for nobody. Until i started talking to the most handsome face I had seen all night. He is such a cutie.

On some really shit though, I have got to stop talking to men. I have to stop giving my number out. I am on a boyfriend search. no more just playin the field.

TB has began to show his crazy. His ass has called me like 49999023 times. Is starting to ask me abrasive questions (where you at, where you been, who you wit?) like we in love, or sleeping together or some shit!!!

Catchacase came by on Friday. We watched Bourne Supremacy, you know his ass is the bootleg king, and went to sleep. I am totally on some half-assed cellibate shit this month. I didn't do nothing wit the boy. Believe me or call me a lying ass hoe but for true, no sexing was going down Friday night... My flag was up anyway, so even if I wanted to, it wasn't cracking.

My is amazing. Her little ass comes up with new funny ass shit to do everyday. Everydamn day!! Her little ass is doing crazy I think I'm so grown type shit. the other day she comes out the bedroom with my bra on, like a back pack, and her sunglasses and one of my purses on her arm and my cellphone to her ear being held up by her minature ass shoulder and she goes straight to the door. Like she on her way somewhere. I say "Where you going My?" and she looks at me from under her sunglasses as if she wanted to say 'what the hell you asking for?' So I say " Never mine, see you later." and her little ass goes on and tries to open the door.

Don't have kids unless you have a good sense of humor and patience.
Muq should never have kids. Her ass ain't learned the art of "chillin" as of yet.

I still have not spoke to Rickroc.