at work today i got some mail... my company credit card...
as bipolar as my boss is, for some reason i feel this is a set up.
they's a coming fa me.
do they really trust me with it? i mean as of right now the only true debit i have is my car... and i'm about 4 months away from finishing to pay that off... but in a real life type way a sista is super LOW LOW middle class.
like if someone fucks up and i miss out on a check...MY and i both will be dancing on the pole...so this company giving me a damn line of credit in the amount that they did is re-dunkulous!
it feels like i have something illegal in my purse now. i have to carry this around with me?
so being the scaredy cat that i am i put it in a top secret hidding spot...wink wink...(watch my retarded ass forget where i put it when i need it..lol)
do they trust me with it? i feel like im going to try to book my hotel night and it's going to be denied, like "that's a fake company credit card bitch..they didn't give you the real deal."
ESPECIALLY since i gave myself box braids this weekend. you know box braids amazes, confuses and pisses white people off all in the same instant...
i do intent on taking them out before i fly to Illinois next month...corporate is corporate and white is white.
guess ill go since vh1 is pretending to read his book but is actually reading over my shoulder....
PS I love my Macbook... lets call her Shaniqua... Shaniqua....is the bomb.dot.com...
Showing posts with label Work. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Work. Show all posts
Monday, September 17, 2012
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Hey YOU...it's me Jen!
finally got a home computer.... i feel like i woke up out of the dark ages... and not only do I have a new computer, I have a MacBook...so proud so proud...
This of course means it will take me quite awhile to get use to the ins and outs of this thing; being that I am was a PC lover.... I will try to not use the Macbook switch as my excuse for not posting.
I have not been posting or reading... I need some good words in my life again. I need some stimulating vocabulary. Some tantilizing (how do I right click on this thing?*spell check?) snippets. Where are all my writers? are you all still out there?
Well if you are, I am back.
Happily.
Here's a (purposefully) brief update on me:
*I'm 31 now.
*Still pushing pills....even though I long for a more artistic field...I'm thinking of moon lighting as a make up artist.
*MY is 9 years old now...YES! 9! can you believe that shit? 9...attitude and think she fly and all... wooo that girl is something.
*I'm still with VH1 even though I know... I probably should... a whole other post for a whole other time.
*I'm still in my big ass apartment in LA. Now it doesn't seem so big since there's a grown man here ALL the time. Im never here alone except when he's at the "studio" where ever that is..or means ...or whatever the fuck.
*I've truly been contemplating moving to Florida....if I could find work there...I'd be there ASAP.
*I've got some secrets.... *miniscing grin (where the shit is the right click?)
Well like I said I need to make it brief.... I want to write a post about why I think someone is trying to JUMP me...real shit.
Monday, October 20, 2008
grumble grumble
Friday morning my boss cussed me out, literally. I was in tears.
#1 She said that I hadn't sold any of this new generic drug called Galantamine HBr ER . It's for Alzhiemers.
#2 She bitched that I was on the internet when she walked by a couple of times.
#3 She bitched that my sales were low.
#4 She complained that I speak too loud.
#5 She said she was pissed that I only made 100 calls and answered 80.
******My Rebuttal******
#1a. No one uses brand name Razadyme why are the going to buy the generic?
Out of 8 people one rep sold 2 bottles!!!!
#2b. I was on the internet...my bad...matter of fact, I'm on the internet now. The thing is I can mulitask like nobodies business.... sorry to say it but I'm bored!!!
Pharmacies aren't spending $ right now. They are afraid to buy surplus in the economy that we are in. I will try to work on my internet use here at work or at least wait until she goes home at 4pm.
#3c. EVERYONES sales are low. duh! have you watched the news?! And the cold and flu season is starting uber late this year! should've started in September and yet we haven't had any major outbreaks of flu or cold!!! But she doesn't care... she prolly won't even mention that I'm at 73% of my average monthly total (with two weeks remaining in the month) which is 29thousand dollars more than my sales last month at this time and higher than any other rep!
I'm the black girl so that means I gets yelled at!
#4d. Yep. I speak too loud. Mind you, I am not friends with any of my co-workers. I barely like them...so anytime she hears me speaking it's to a customer....yet she tells me that she never hears me promoting sales... What!!! Sales are a $1 to $5 comission on each product! Of course I tell everyone EVEN the ones that are not my customers!!! WE need that extra $ in our pockets these days! How she think I earned that $1000 commission on one product? any hoo... I laughed at a customer and she says "Jane. you're too loud." I gave her KMA face and kept it pushing! I'm learning to hate her.
#5e. I only made 100 calls because I only have 80 accounts!!! what the hell!!! I answer 80 calls which is three times as much as anyone else here EVER answers ...on ANY given day! She doesnt' say a thing to homeboy who is blatantly working on his resume and talking to his wife. She doesn't say a peep to the other guy who is slanging any and everything over the phone to whoever he can (not work related)! gesssshhhh
Pray for me yall....Friday I had to plead with myself not to bitch slap her....
SIGH.... (yeah I talked to HR for the inappropriate language)
#1 She said that I hadn't sold any of this new generic drug called Galantamine HBr ER . It's for Alzhiemers.
#2 She bitched that I was on the internet when she walked by a couple of times.
#3 She bitched that my sales were low.
#4 She complained that I speak too loud.
#5 She said she was pissed that I only made 100 calls and answered 80.
******My Rebuttal******
#1a. No one uses brand name Razadyme why are the going to buy the generic?
Out of 8 people one rep sold 2 bottles!!!!
#2b. I was on the internet...my bad...matter of fact, I'm on the internet now. The thing is I can mulitask like nobodies business.... sorry to say it but I'm bored!!!
Pharmacies aren't spending $ right now. They are afraid to buy surplus in the economy that we are in. I will try to work on my internet use here at work or at least wait until she goes home at 4pm.
#3c. EVERYONES sales are low. duh! have you watched the news?! And the cold and flu season is starting uber late this year! should've started in September and yet we haven't had any major outbreaks of flu or cold!!! But she doesn't care... she prolly won't even mention that I'm at 73% of my average monthly total (with two weeks remaining in the month) which is 29thousand dollars more than my sales last month at this time and higher than any other rep!
I'm the black girl so that means I gets yelled at!
#4d. Yep. I speak too loud. Mind you, I am not friends with any of my co-workers. I barely like them...so anytime she hears me speaking it's to a customer....yet she tells me that she never hears me promoting sales... What!!! Sales are a $1 to $5 comission on each product! Of course I tell everyone EVEN the ones that are not my customers!!! WE need that extra $ in our pockets these days! How she think I earned that $1000 commission on one product? any hoo... I laughed at a customer and she says "Jane. you're too loud." I gave her KMA face and kept it pushing! I'm learning to hate her.
#5e. I only made 100 calls because I only have 80 accounts!!! what the hell!!! I answer 80 calls which is three times as much as anyone else here EVER answers ...on ANY given day! She doesnt' say a thing to homeboy who is blatantly working on his resume and talking to his wife. She doesn't say a peep to the other guy who is slanging any and everything over the phone to whoever he can (not work related)! gesssshhhh
Pray for me yall....Friday I had to plead with myself not to bitch slap her....
SIGH.... (yeah I talked to HR for the inappropriate language)
Friday, October 10, 2008
"Misregard" it.
One of my customers always says "Mis-regard it" when I tell her an item that she wants is out of stock...I want to slap her face for saying that ignorant ass shit! And why, when I try to correct her, she gets all butt hurt...yet she continues to say it?
Any who...this got me to thinking about what else aggrevates me..
- when people say "pacific" instead of "specific".
-when someone calls me and I say "oh, I was watching a movie" and they keep talking.
- when I answer the phone here at work and I say "XYZ Drug Company, Jane speaking" and the customer says "Who am I speaking to?"
- when my customers ask me questions about things they are holding in their hands!!!
- when customers want to order drugs without the item number or ndc number or manufacturer name and they can't spell or pronounce the drug name!!!! how stupid!
- when my customers have HORRIBLE ACCENTS and they know you can't understand them but they get an attitude when you don't know what the hell they're saying.
-when customers call and just start ordering stuff... they don't even say who they are or where they calling from! I answer 200 calls a day! IDONOT KNOWYOURVOICE!
-the fact that EVERY Freaking thing I love to read (other than blogs) are ACCESS DENIED at work! I can't even check my freaking email.
-my wisdom tooth feels like I'm giving birth from my mouth.
- when people beg you to do something, and then get mad when you ask for further details...I WILL NOT blindly commit to anything ANYMORE!
-the fact that I've peed 400 times today and I have to go again.
- when people talk about video games like they're real life.
-when my jeans give me muffin top.
-the girl in the cubicle across from me plays the SAME freaking radio station and they play the SAME songs at the SAME time everyday...it drives me postal.
-When hold music is that stupid song off the ice cream truck!! OMG I swear I could hurt someone because of that stupid song!
-When my neighbors boyfriend smokes in the stair well.
-When FRIDAYs go as slow as today has gone.
Any who...this got me to thinking about what else aggrevates me..
- when people say "pacific" instead of "specific".
-when someone calls me and I say "oh, I was watching a movie" and they keep talking.
- when I answer the phone here at work and I say "XYZ Drug Company, Jane speaking" and the customer says "Who am I speaking to?"
- when my customers ask me questions about things they are holding in their hands!!!
- when customers want to order drugs without the item number or ndc number or manufacturer name and they can't spell or pronounce the drug name!!!! how stupid!
- when my customers have HORRIBLE ACCENTS and they know you can't understand them but they get an attitude when you don't know what the hell they're saying.
-when customers call and just start ordering stuff... they don't even say who they are or where they calling from! I answer 200 calls a day! IDONOT KNOWYOURVOICE!
-the fact that EVERY Freaking thing I love to read (other than blogs) are ACCESS DENIED at work! I can't even check my freaking email.
-my wisdom tooth feels like I'm giving birth from my mouth.
- when people beg you to do something, and then get mad when you ask for further details...I WILL NOT blindly commit to anything ANYMORE!
-the fact that I've peed 400 times today and I have to go again.
- when people talk about video games like they're real life.
-when my jeans give me muffin top.
-the girl in the cubicle across from me plays the SAME freaking radio station and they play the SAME songs at the SAME time everyday...it drives me postal.
-When hold music is that stupid song off the ice cream truck!! OMG I swear I could hurt someone because of that stupid song!
-When my neighbors boyfriend smokes in the stair well.
-When FRIDAYs go as slow as today has gone.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
how'd I end up here? my work history.
Starting when I was 13:
my first job was a parttime tutor at a community center (where i met crazyc...)
my second job was at an elementary school as a teaching assistant, part time.
my third job was at the same place the next summer as a camp helper, part time.
my fourth job was at the same place the next summer as a camp leader, part time.
i was a member of this teen group (sponsored by a very popular Sorority), the teen leader favored me and knew my family needed some extra $. She was the secretary of the chamber of commerce so she offered me my fifth job, a partime position at the chamber of commerce as a receptionist at the mall.
After the summer was over, the job as a camp leader was over. But the position as a receptionist at the mall continued through the school year.
The President of the chamber of commerce liked me so she offered me my sixth job at her federally funded teen pregnancy prevention program, as a health educator.
During Christmas season of the 12th grade I got my seventh job (through the newspaper, my very first interview) as a sales rep at Express clohting. They kept me on part time after Christmas. but I ended up quitting when the President of the chamber of commerce offered me a full time position as a Manager at the pregnancy prevention program.
while working as a health educator, i went to school to get a certificate as a pharmacy technician. it was a bad choice financially, since i am still paying off those stupid high priced loans...but it set me up for later in life.
once i finished my 8 month certificate program, I quit my job as a health educator...actually I just never went back.
i started working at my eighth job as a pharm tech at a hospital, per diem and on weekends....
then i got offered my ninth job, a full time pharmacy techncian at another hospital, so i worked at both hospitals for about two months, then i quit the per diem job and stuck with the full time job. after working with the 2nd hospital for two years. i quit.
after two months of joblessness, i got my tenth job with two staffing agencies. they placed pharmacy staff at different hospitals or pharmacies when they needed additional staff...so i worked at SEVERAL pharmacies and hospitals across Los Angeles. the whole time i worked for the staffing agency, i was applying an interviewing for pharmacies at different places.
The hospital i was positioned in my last month of pregnancy granted me medical leave for 6 weeks exactly. when my doctor extended my pregancy leave beyond 6 weeks, the hospital gave away my position. the staffing agency then didn't have any new open positions.
so once again i was jobless. new baby and all!
for four months this time. no job.
two weeks before my unemployment was about to run out i got a call from a placed i'd applied for six months before. it was for a pharmacy technician instructor for a pharmacy technician school. I went in, interviewed, took the test and started working my eleventh job the next week. i worked partime and i hated it....at first.
i talked to the owner of the school and she transfered me to a campus that was closer to home but still far...and I was still partime.
I got a second job working at a closed care pharmacy-my twelth job (preparing drugs for nursing homes). I hated it. I told my boss at the school I was working at that she needed to make me full time or I would quit. so she made me full time. I taught a class in the morning and worked in the office in the afternoon.
After a year, I realized the school would prolly close due to its lack of accreditation and needed an out quick. So I got another teaching pharmacy tecnician at a pharmacy technician school I worked there teaching two classes. the afternoon and night classes. This was my 13th job.
My boss at the 2nd school quit and i got offered her position. so i worked as the program director and a teacher for about six months. then I quit and I got the sales position I have now.
NOW, I'm in my fourteenth job.
I sale drugs to pharmacies. I am who Walgreens buy's from. I love my job and hate my job at the same time. I feel like this is definitely something I could do for the rest of my life....but I constantly question, who's life am I living?
When I was younger I wanted to be in the BIZ. A singer, a dancer an actress. and now I'm a sales analyst.
Who hoo! It pays the bills.
my first job was a parttime tutor at a community center (where i met crazyc...)
my second job was at an elementary school as a teaching assistant, part time.
my third job was at the same place the next summer as a camp helper, part time.
my fourth job was at the same place the next summer as a camp leader, part time.
i was a member of this teen group (sponsored by a very popular Sorority), the teen leader favored me and knew my family needed some extra $. She was the secretary of the chamber of commerce so she offered me my fifth job, a partime position at the chamber of commerce as a receptionist at the mall.
After the summer was over, the job as a camp leader was over. But the position as a receptionist at the mall continued through the school year.
The President of the chamber of commerce liked me so she offered me my sixth job at her federally funded teen pregnancy prevention program, as a health educator.
During Christmas season of the 12th grade I got my seventh job (through the newspaper, my very first interview) as a sales rep at Express clohting. They kept me on part time after Christmas. but I ended up quitting when the President of the chamber of commerce offered me a full time position as a Manager at the pregnancy prevention program.
while working as a health educator, i went to school to get a certificate as a pharmacy technician. it was a bad choice financially, since i am still paying off those stupid high priced loans...but it set me up for later in life.
once i finished my 8 month certificate program, I quit my job as a health educator...actually I just never went back.
i started working at my eighth job as a pharm tech at a hospital, per diem and on weekends....
then i got offered my ninth job, a full time pharmacy techncian at another hospital, so i worked at both hospitals for about two months, then i quit the per diem job and stuck with the full time job. after working with the 2nd hospital for two years. i quit.
after two months of joblessness, i got my tenth job with two staffing agencies. they placed pharmacy staff at different hospitals or pharmacies when they needed additional staff...so i worked at SEVERAL pharmacies and hospitals across Los Angeles. the whole time i worked for the staffing agency, i was applying an interviewing for pharmacies at different places.
The hospital i was positioned in my last month of pregnancy granted me medical leave for 6 weeks exactly. when my doctor extended my pregancy leave beyond 6 weeks, the hospital gave away my position. the staffing agency then didn't have any new open positions.
so once again i was jobless. new baby and all!
for four months this time. no job.
two weeks before my unemployment was about to run out i got a call from a placed i'd applied for six months before. it was for a pharmacy technician instructor for a pharmacy technician school. I went in, interviewed, took the test and started working my eleventh job the next week. i worked partime and i hated it....at first.
i talked to the owner of the school and she transfered me to a campus that was closer to home but still far...and I was still partime.
I got a second job working at a closed care pharmacy-my twelth job (preparing drugs for nursing homes). I hated it. I told my boss at the school I was working at that she needed to make me full time or I would quit. so she made me full time. I taught a class in the morning and worked in the office in the afternoon.
After a year, I realized the school would prolly close due to its lack of accreditation and needed an out quick. So I got another teaching pharmacy tecnician at a pharmacy technician school I worked there teaching two classes. the afternoon and night classes. This was my 13th job.
My boss at the 2nd school quit and i got offered her position. so i worked as the program director and a teacher for about six months. then I quit and I got the sales position I have now.
NOW, I'm in my fourteenth job.
I sale drugs to pharmacies. I am who Walgreens buy's from. I love my job and hate my job at the same time. I feel like this is definitely something I could do for the rest of my life....but I constantly question, who's life am I living?
When I was younger I wanted to be in the BIZ. A singer, a dancer an actress. and now I'm a sales analyst.
Who hoo! It pays the bills.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
I need a hug.
1. I was driving to work and there was a water main break (due to the earthquake the other day and the water just broke through the surface this morning) all of us , intelligent people were driving slowly through the water as to not splash...when this ignorant old lady went speeding by splashing dark mud all across my freshly washed car!
Note: I did ignorantly cus her out at the next stop light...so much for keeping my cool.
2. This hair that I brought is deep wave and it was sooooo cute when I first got my hair done...it was bangalicious...This morning when I woke up it looked like a dreaded afro. So I combed it out and sprayed it with conditioner and it was cute and curly again....but it's turing into a big puffy afro...So I look like my hair is to big for my face.
3. I got my toes done last Friday and my French tips are starting to chip ALREADY!
4. I am feeling irritated with Vh1 and a text message he sent me yesterday....
5. I can't find a twin mattress and box spring, at a good price that also delivers... I want to surprise MY.
6. When I came home last night, I went out to my backyard to through out the trash and someone had stole MY's bike! Now the most effed up part of this...is that you have to have a key to get into my backyard, theres absolutely no other way to get back there) so that means it had to be one of my neighbors.
7. I don't have anymore Belvedre.
8. I've been bitten by the insomnia bug, so I took meds to get to sleep last night and I feel drowsy this morning.
9. My left wisdom tooth is KILLING me.
10. I didn't reach my quota this month at work...I only got 15 and I needed to do 25.
11. The edges of my hair are nappy cause I need a perm.
12. I need to wash clothes.
13. I have NO food in my kitchen...NONE at all!
14. I don't get paid till next Tuesday, so I am POOOOOOOR!
15. I miss my baby.
16. I think I have a ring worm....ok, not really but I do have a dry spot on my leg that is suspect.
17. My house is a mess.
18. My desk is currently a mess.
19. I'm hungry.
20. I don't have any more creamer.
21. My favorite bra tore.
On the positive side:
1. The annoying guy that sits be hind me isn't here today.
2. I have on new panties and a new shirt....always makes me feel special.
3. I stenciled My's name on her wall last night and it came out adroable!
4. I loved "So you think you can dance" last night....I still miss Will though.
5. I love Monica's new sony "U deserve"
6. I am enjoying the soothing sounds of Dwele singing to me...(through my radio here in my cubicle)
7. My eyebrows are effing perfect today.
8. I made it to work on time today.
9. Four days until my daughter comes home.
10. My commission check is still going to be fat even though I only got 15....
Note: I did ignorantly cus her out at the next stop light...so much for keeping my cool.
2. This hair that I brought is deep wave and it was sooooo cute when I first got my hair done...it was bangalicious...This morning when I woke up it looked like a dreaded afro. So I combed it out and sprayed it with conditioner and it was cute and curly again....but it's turing into a big puffy afro...So I look like my hair is to big for my face.
3. I got my toes done last Friday and my French tips are starting to chip ALREADY!
4. I am feeling irritated with Vh1 and a text message he sent me yesterday....
5. I can't find a twin mattress and box spring, at a good price that also delivers... I want to surprise MY.
6. When I came home last night, I went out to my backyard to through out the trash and someone had stole MY's bike! Now the most effed up part of this...is that you have to have a key to get into my backyard, theres absolutely no other way to get back there) so that means it had to be one of my neighbors.
7. I don't have anymore Belvedre.
8. I've been bitten by the insomnia bug, so I took meds to get to sleep last night and I feel drowsy this morning.
9. My left wisdom tooth is KILLING me.
10. I didn't reach my quota this month at work...I only got 15 and I needed to do 25.
11. The edges of my hair are nappy cause I need a perm.
12. I need to wash clothes.
13. I have NO food in my kitchen...NONE at all!
14. I don't get paid till next Tuesday, so I am POOOOOOOR!
15. I miss my baby.
16. I think I have a ring worm....ok, not really but I do have a dry spot on my leg that is suspect.
17. My house is a mess.
18. My desk is currently a mess.
19. I'm hungry.
20. I don't have any more creamer.
21. My favorite bra tore.
On the positive side:
1. The annoying guy that sits be hind me isn't here today.
2. I have on new panties and a new shirt....always makes me feel special.
3. I stenciled My's name on her wall last night and it came out adroable!
4. I loved "So you think you can dance" last night....I still miss Will though.
5. I love Monica's new sony "U deserve"
6. I am enjoying the soothing sounds of Dwele singing to me...(through my radio here in my cubicle)
7. My eyebrows are effing perfect today.
8. I made it to work on time today.
9. Four days until my daughter comes home.
10. My commission check is still going to be fat even though I only got 15....
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
"good morning sunshine"
the first thing i heard this morning was "babe. its 8 o'clock." i rolled over and kissed his cheek. laid my head in the perfect size space where his neck and shoulders meet. closed my eyes. inhaled. i couldn't open my eyes. i laid there 3 minutes, hating that i would eventually have to get dressed. "get up babe." he repeated. I slid off of the bed onto the floor. pulled the mini dress and tights that I planned on wearing today, out of the closet and threw them on the floor next to the iron. i plugged the iron in. I went into the bathroom, peed. washed my hands. started the shower water. grabbed my towel from the hallway closet. undressed and stepped into the steaming water.
i leave the bathroom towel covering the most important parts, walk into my room. vh1 is on the floor ironing my mini dress. "hey, pretty girl, I did you a solid." i smile. i tell him "you're my favorite." he says "i know."
we left my house stopped at the burger stand on the corner and got bacon and eggs and toast. we sat there eating like i didn't have to go to work. like he didn't have anything to do. drank orange juice and coffee. laughed.
then i went to work.
21 minutes late. but in a great mood.
i leave the bathroom towel covering the most important parts, walk into my room. vh1 is on the floor ironing my mini dress. "hey, pretty girl, I did you a solid." i smile. i tell him "you're my favorite." he says "i know."
we left my house stopped at the burger stand on the corner and got bacon and eggs and toast. we sat there eating like i didn't have to go to work. like he didn't have anything to do. drank orange juice and coffee. laughed.
then i went to work.
21 minutes late. but in a great mood.
Thursday, May 22, 2008
"cold going mad..."
I’ve got an eerie feeling this morning. Feeling empty. Like there’s a hollow in my stomach. So many folks have been running me raged lately.
Things seem so peachy keen with e. but in me something’s not right. Found out today that he has a MySpace account that is marked private. When I requested him as a friend he denied me. When I asked him about it…he gave me the switch the topic then the quick good bye. Since then the behavior has been suspicious. I’ve decided to step back from it a bit. Just breathe on it.
I mentioned my friend that’s just a friend last post and I must admit. I lightweight like him as more than a friend. So I’ve stepped back from that too.
BW cussed me out yesterday because I turned down on a night of fun.
This chic at my job is working my nerves. It’s like she’s going through menopause and we all have to suffer. She and my boss both.
My weekend is going to be fun. If all works out.
I’m getting my hair done tonight.
I have dance rehearsal Friday night.
Saturday I have to go to my daughter’s father’s sister’s baby shower.
Then Saturday evening I’m going to a Barbeque with my friend that’s just a friend that I like more than a friend but if it doesn’t work out with e he could be an option but I’m not thinking like that right? Right.
Sunday is my friend NDN’s son’s birthday party.
Sunday night I have to perform at church.
Monday I’m thinking about UCLA reggaefest but it’s $25 now!!! It used to be free. But now that reggae is so popular it’s 25! It went from free to $5 to $7 to $10 to $15 to $20 to $25 over the ten years that I’ve been attending…. But Mr.Vegas is going to be there and he is my FAVORITE artist so I just might bite the bullet and go.
Things seem so peachy keen with e. but in me something’s not right. Found out today that he has a MySpace account that is marked private. When I requested him as a friend he denied me. When I asked him about it…he gave me the switch the topic then the quick good bye. Since then the behavior has been suspicious. I’ve decided to step back from it a bit. Just breathe on it.
I mentioned my friend that’s just a friend last post and I must admit. I lightweight like him as more than a friend. So I’ve stepped back from that too.
BW cussed me out yesterday because I turned down on a night of fun.
This chic at my job is working my nerves. It’s like she’s going through menopause and we all have to suffer. She and my boss both.
My weekend is going to be fun. If all works out.
I’m getting my hair done tonight.
I have dance rehearsal Friday night.
Saturday I have to go to my daughter’s father’s sister’s baby shower.
Then Saturday evening I’m going to a Barbeque with my friend that’s just a friend that I like more than a friend but if it doesn’t work out with e he could be an option but I’m not thinking like that right? Right.
Sunday is my friend NDN’s son’s birthday party.
Sunday night I have to perform at church.
Monday I’m thinking about UCLA reggaefest but it’s $25 now!!! It used to be free. But now that reggae is so popular it’s 25! It went from free to $5 to $7 to $10 to $15 to $20 to $25 over the ten years that I’ve been attending…. But Mr.Vegas is going to be there and he is my FAVORITE artist so I just might bite the bullet and go.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Changed my mind...I'm a fickle girl.
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Monday, May 05, 2008
"Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter."
24 hours til I'm one year older.
There's this one part in Kat Williams stand up comedy where he says 'he doesn't even attend birthday parties of ninja's still doing the same things they did at they last party'...
so here's what's new since I turned 26.
1. I moved into a two bedroom apartment.
2. My new apartment is HUGE in comparison to my old spot; therefore I have fallen in LOVE with my space....I didn't quite LOVE my old space.
3. I live in a nicer neighborhood. Not that nice... but nicer. Its three blocks away from the really nice neighborhoods...so I'm getting closer!
4. I have a new job. That's entirely less stressful.
5. I make $500 more per month than I did.
6. I got a 0.35 cent raise, so make that $600 more per month.
7. I made a new friend. Her names Bonee. We actually were friends in highschool so, let's say I reconnected with an old friend.
8. I have internet in my home.
9. I have a laptop.
10. I think I've learned to chill out a little better.
11. I am writing much more (prolly cause of the laptop).
ahhh... something flushes over me. a wave of goose bumps tickle down my spine as I lean back into my sofa with an inflated sense of accomplishment. I smile to myself. Well done Jane. Well done.
so many things I haven't done and yet today the day before I turn 27 I will focus on the positive....
Oh yeah I can't take credit for the quote....it's by Mark Twain.
cheers! How about another cranberry and malibu rum!
There's this one part in Kat Williams stand up comedy where he says 'he doesn't even attend birthday parties of ninja's still doing the same things they did at they last party'...
so here's what's new since I turned 26.
1. I moved into a two bedroom apartment.
2. My new apartment is HUGE in comparison to my old spot; therefore I have fallen in LOVE with my space....I didn't quite LOVE my old space.
3. I live in a nicer neighborhood. Not that nice... but nicer. Its three blocks away from the really nice neighborhoods...so I'm getting closer!
4. I have a new job. That's entirely less stressful.
5. I make $500 more per month than I did.
6. I got a 0.35 cent raise, so make that $600 more per month.
7. I made a new friend. Her names Bonee. We actually were friends in highschool so, let's say I reconnected with an old friend.
8. I have internet in my home.
9. I have a laptop.
10. I think I've learned to chill out a little better.
11. I am writing much more (prolly cause of the laptop).
ahhh... something flushes over me. a wave of goose bumps tickle down my spine as I lean back into my sofa with an inflated sense of accomplishment. I smile to myself. Well done Jane. Well done.
so many things I haven't done and yet today the day before I turn 27 I will focus on the positive....
Oh yeah I can't take credit for the quote....it's by Mark Twain.
cheers! How about another cranberry and malibu rum!
Monday, March 31, 2008
Things I'm not supposed to say.
There are times when I wish I could get in my car and drive away from it all! My job. My apartment. My life. singleparenthood. California. Inglewood. Carson. Just get away from this fucking neverending cycle that I call my life. Wish I could climb my way out this valley. The mud is just too slippery. Everytime I get a grip I just slide right back into this same shit. Same muck. thick ass mud. I built a house in flood lands. I'm standing here looking at it get washed away.
I wish I could just get on the 10 fwy South and Just go. South America?!. Leave everything. fuck it. Just drive until there's simply nowhere else to drive. Once I got where I ended up I'd just get out my car and stand there in silence and wait. Wait for whatever is next. I'd just stand there and wait until whatever happened.
I get so sick of the regularity of life sometimes. These catagories I'm supposed to fit in. Daughter. Mom. Sister. Friend. Cousin. Employee. Christian. Single. Engaged. Law obiding. Truthful. Honest. Kind. Sweet. Who the fuck decided that I always have to be sweet?
I am tired of being a singlemom. Tired of being the responsible one. He gets to not have a job, no apartment, no possessions (expect what he got when he was with me) and only see his child when he feels like it. Lay around all fucking day with no goals and no future and I HAVE TO have a plan. I HAVE TO go to work. I HAVE TO.
SHIT! I'm tired. I never get a fucking break. 7 days a week. 24 hours a day I am someones mom. I am never just JANE anymore. No one told me I would never just be me anymore. I swear I am going to loose me. scratch that...I am loosing me. I don't remember JANE anymore?!. I mean I do but it's like I just read about her she's this character in some story somewhere...I'm not still her. So much I remember about me that I am not anymore.
There are times when my daughter's personality and mine do not mix. She's a star gazer looking at the world through rose colored glasses, seeing everything and everyplace for the first time. She likes to turn every fucking thing into a game. Imagine that the every walk is a race. Every piece of fabric was left by a princesses dress. Every bit of the world is a fairy tale. For her it's fine. but when I'm fifteen minutes late already I JUST DONT HAVE TIME TO LISTEN! I don't want to know that those cotton balls I dropped in the bathroom look like a "happy little bunny"!
The co-worker that sits behind me is a fuckingidiot. God had a meeting on a cloud one day and the biggest idiot fell down into the cubicle behind me. OMG I want to peel his skin off! He agrevates me to the 99th pissitvity. The next time he goes on a rampage about Obama's face I'm going to spit on him......that's why I coughed on his telephone and keyboard when he went to lunch.
I am tired of being lonely. It's an un-intimate lonely. I Have friends. I have church friends. I have friends I can cry to. I have friends I can gossip too I have catch a cup of coffee friends. I even have just sit and look at the sun set friends. I have family. I have an intimate detailed relationship with Christ. I love myself. I have goals and beliefs and values but I feel like I'm missing something. An intimacy...a closeness... Am I? Am I missing out on somehting?
I hate people who don't speak English and get an attitude when you don't understand what they are saying.
I fucking hate when people tell me that I'm "pretty for a dark skin girl" Who the fuck decided that there's only one form of pretty? Fuck you.
And who is he to think that knows something bout me? He is not a part of my REAL life. He's a part of the life I allow him to see. The part that I let him believe in. The part I allow him to think he's apart of...shit that's what the fuck he does for me. For him to believe he knows me enought to make comment on JANE?! That shit takes NUTS! A lotta fucking nuts! And from a man who can't hold his nut for three minutes I'm supposed to learn about patience! That's why I don't call you!
I hate when I smile and say hello and bitches scrunch up their fucking faces... Bitch the sun is shinning take a shit and have a good day once in a while! ARGGH..
Where is everybodying getting money for brand new cars these days. EVERYFUCKINPERSON in Inglewoood has a brand new car but me?! I work 96 hours a paycheck and I ain't got a new car?! Somebody tell me what I don't know?!
Just cause I bring up the fact that you used to work at the burger spot that we are eating at does not mean I'm hating on you bitch! We're eating at the fucking place... Stop fucking hiding from your past and you wouldn't have to shush me when I bring shit up!
Sigh... now that I got that off my chest.... I feel much much better... debate with me if you want to...I don't care...
OHHSA.
I wish I could just get on the 10 fwy South and Just go. South America?!. Leave everything. fuck it. Just drive until there's simply nowhere else to drive. Once I got where I ended up I'd just get out my car and stand there in silence and wait. Wait for whatever is next. I'd just stand there and wait until whatever happened.
I get so sick of the regularity of life sometimes. These catagories I'm supposed to fit in. Daughter. Mom. Sister. Friend. Cousin. Employee. Christian. Single. Engaged. Law obiding. Truthful. Honest. Kind. Sweet. Who the fuck decided that I always have to be sweet?
I am tired of being a singlemom. Tired of being the responsible one. He gets to not have a job, no apartment, no possessions (expect what he got when he was with me) and only see his child when he feels like it. Lay around all fucking day with no goals and no future and I HAVE TO have a plan. I HAVE TO go to work. I HAVE TO.
SHIT! I'm tired. I never get a fucking break. 7 days a week. 24 hours a day I am someones mom. I am never just JANE anymore. No one told me I would never just be me anymore. I swear I am going to loose me. scratch that...I am loosing me. I don't remember JANE anymore?!. I mean I do but it's like I just read about her she's this character in some story somewhere...I'm not still her. So much I remember about me that I am not anymore.
There are times when my daughter's personality and mine do not mix. She's a star gazer looking at the world through rose colored glasses, seeing everything and everyplace for the first time. She likes to turn every fucking thing into a game. Imagine that the every walk is a race. Every piece of fabric was left by a princesses dress. Every bit of the world is a fairy tale. For her it's fine. but when I'm fifteen minutes late already I JUST DONT HAVE TIME TO LISTEN! I don't want to know that those cotton balls I dropped in the bathroom look like a "happy little bunny"!
The co-worker that sits behind me is a fuckingidiot. God had a meeting on a cloud one day and the biggest idiot fell down into the cubicle behind me. OMG I want to peel his skin off! He agrevates me to the 99th pissitvity. The next time he goes on a rampage about Obama's face I'm going to spit on him......that's why I coughed on his telephone and keyboard when he went to lunch.
I am tired of being lonely. It's an un-intimate lonely. I Have friends. I have church friends. I have friends I can cry to. I have friends I can gossip too I have catch a cup of coffee friends. I even have just sit and look at the sun set friends. I have family. I have an intimate detailed relationship with Christ. I love myself. I have goals and beliefs and values but I feel like I'm missing something. An intimacy...a closeness... Am I? Am I missing out on somehting?
I hate people who don't speak English and get an attitude when you don't understand what they are saying.
I fucking hate when people tell me that I'm "pretty for a dark skin girl" Who the fuck decided that there's only one form of pretty? Fuck you.
And who is he to think that knows something bout me? He is not a part of my REAL life. He's a part of the life I allow him to see. The part that I let him believe in. The part I allow him to think he's apart of...shit that's what the fuck he does for me. For him to believe he knows me enought to make comment on JANE?! That shit takes NUTS! A lotta fucking nuts! And from a man who can't hold his nut for three minutes I'm supposed to learn about patience! That's why I don't call you!
I hate when I smile and say hello and bitches scrunch up their fucking faces... Bitch the sun is shinning take a shit and have a good day once in a while! ARGGH..
Where is everybodying getting money for brand new cars these days. EVERYFUCKINPERSON in Inglewoood has a brand new car but me?! I work 96 hours a paycheck and I ain't got a new car?! Somebody tell me what I don't know?!
Just cause I bring up the fact that you used to work at the burger spot that we are eating at does not mean I'm hating on you bitch! We're eating at the fucking place... Stop fucking hiding from your past and you wouldn't have to shush me when I bring shit up!
Sigh... now that I got that off my chest.... I feel much much better... debate with me if you want to...I don't care...
OHHSA.
Thursday, February 21, 2008
quarter- life crisis?
Man I have a story in me that is driving me crazy. It wants to come out....just feels like there's not enough hours in the day to write it down...sigh.
I lo ve writing. lo ve it. I know, I prolly should go back to school and get a degree in literature to work on my craft; but, I feel bored by the idea of commas and periods and grammar and syntax.
iawejuswannawrite.
Spill words into paragraphs and paragraphs into stories and stories into novels. I want to create and build and make folks laugh and make folks smile and make folks remember.
There are times when i am sitting in my cubicle and i feel like i'm living someone elses life. Ya Know? I never saw my self as cubicle mule. Someone else's pee-on...
I mean don't get me wrong, I know, that I know, that I know, that I'm blessed. I make over 42K a year inCALIFORNIA and I only have three years of college and I'm just 26 year old single parent. I'm blessed and highly favored.
I'm blessed to live in an apartment that I love. I blessed to have a car that works. I'm blessed to have a daughter who I can love and take care of. I'm blessed to have a family that believes in me. But there are times when I feel like I'm just going through the motions.
Even with all the love surrounding me, I still feel alone and by myself and I hate to say it but....empty.
Pharmaceutical Sales is not what I lo ve. It's what I do. It's what I know. I respect it because it takes care of me and my daughter. It doesn't make me smile. It doesn't make me happy. When I think about it in the morning, i just sigh. Pharmaceutical sales is like a good husband.
I have been writing my "novel" for years. But will it be respected, if I don't have a degree in English? Do I care? Should I care?
Sigh.
I lo ve writing. lo ve it. I know, I prolly should go back to school and get a degree in literature to work on my craft; but, I feel bored by the idea of commas and periods and grammar and syntax.
iawejuswannawrite.
Spill words into paragraphs and paragraphs into stories and stories into novels. I want to create and build and make folks laugh and make folks smile and make folks remember.
There are times when i am sitting in my cubicle and i feel like i'm living someone elses life. Ya Know? I never saw my self as cubicle mule. Someone else's pee-on...
I mean don't get me wrong, I know, that I know, that I know, that I'm blessed. I make over 42K a year inCALIFORNIA and I only have three years of college and I'm just 26 year old single parent. I'm blessed and highly favored.
I'm blessed to live in an apartment that I love. I blessed to have a car that works. I'm blessed to have a daughter who I can love and take care of. I'm blessed to have a family that believes in me. But there are times when I feel like I'm just going through the motions.
Even with all the love surrounding me, I still feel alone and by myself and I hate to say it but....empty.
Pharmaceutical Sales is not what I lo ve. It's what I do. It's what I know. I respect it because it takes care of me and my daughter. It doesn't make me smile. It doesn't make me happy. When I think about it in the morning, i just sigh. Pharmaceutical sales is like a good husband.
I have been writing my "novel" for years. But will it be respected, if I don't have a degree in English? Do I care? Should I care?
Sigh.
Monday, February 18, 2008
Mylife in tidbits
* I just burnt my ground turkey....that's aiight it's still gon' be jammin' on the one.
* Valentines day was no spectacle. A little of this a little of that, nothing I'll remember next year.
* I have a friend that irritates me to the very core of my being. She has a boyfriend she's been with for a year and a half and he hasn't told her he loves her; because, he "doesn't know what love feels like"... sigh....I scream obscenities at her every time she brings him up in conversation. His name is not allowed at my house.
* MY started her ballet classes recently....may I say, that the young chic takes after her mother.... primaballerina! The teacher called me aside afterwards and commented on her abilities.
* Flores and My, have taken on a sarrogate father/daugther type relationship... Good for the both of them. Since the two of them have taken notice of each other...lil ole me has been thrown to the side... LOL. Honestly, I appreciate him giving her such a positive role model...ya know? But, can I get a lil mommy love?
*"You're not clean until you wash with soap"- something only a mother of a five year old has to say.... every day.
* I belong to one of those large black churches. I am a member of the praise team at one of those large black churches. My church hosted an event for Bishop TD Blakes last night, and I have to say that some of the young ladies on the praise team from another one of the LBC were not very cordial. That's all I have to say about that.
* I saw Mr. Wonderful today. It was the first time since the last time. It was at a stop light. We met eyes. No expressions just blinks. I felt a little sad all morning.
* My co-worker is an undercover DD (dookie dick). I wouldn't have a problem with it, if he'd just came out and said "Ay, yo I loves me some dick". Instead he makes up imaginary 18 year old girlfriends (that came come to dinner with us because she's too young) and all sorts of nonesense. Here's other little hints he gives: 1. He wears wigs randomly. 2. He snaps his fingers when he's excited. 3. He fans himself with his hand, breaking at the wrist. 4. He takes Midol for headaches. 5. He has panic attacks. 6. He "promotes parties" for a company that has the word "boys" in it. 7. He went to the KeithSweat concert last night. 8. He arches his eyebrows....better than mine I might add. I don't feel like finishing this list...but really do I need to?
* Let me introduce you to my new boots:
Aren't they fabulous!!! Sigh. I wish I could marry them.* I must give it to myself, I was looking fly today. I knew it too. I love those days when I feel this way.... I wore my brown tapered blazer, my mellow-blue flowy dress that ties in the back and cris crosses in the front, my green, blue and brown boheiman bag and of course my brown knee high scrunchy boots, that tie in the back (shown above...really I just want you to admire how cute they are one more time). The boots have two little strings that hand down from the back of each boot, that make me feel, for some reason that I am working the run way! Oh... How I wish I could get the security tapes from my building at work....I worked the heck outta that walkway today!!!
Here's my purse:
*As you can see I didn't do a damn thing at work today, because both of the pictures above were taking during work hours!
*My space bar is trippin.
*My five year old's complaining that her fingers look like an old lady.
* All day today, at the end of my calls, I said to each customer "Happy Black History Month" it stunned the shit out of them all!
* Mahalo!
Tuesday, February 05, 2008
Opinions are like assholes.
I use the “Opinions are like assholes” ideology when I discuss the sensitive subjects at work. It’s not that I am afraid to express my opinions. I have strong opinions about religion, politics, environment, economics, ethics, abortion, welfare and so many other issues that face our fair earth.
Before I voted today, in our Super Tuesday Election, I researched and I read about the issues. Not just who I would vote for, to eventually run for president, but about the Indian gaming laws and the cost per unit for Community Colleges….
I understand that as a Black woman in America our rights are so young. I represent the group of Americans that have had the right to vote in the least amount of elections
It’s just in my workplace, I just choose to avoid these conversations. I feel that I am to educated and to aware to allow myself to get into heated conversations with loud mouth metro-sexual co-workers about why he “just doesn’t like the sound of Obama’s voice”.
I choose not to put my self in a situation where I’m arguing with a fool. Cause you know what the say, from a distance you can’t tell which is which.
Before I voted today, in our Super Tuesday Election, I researched and I read about the issues. Not just who I would vote for, to eventually run for president, but about the Indian gaming laws and the cost per unit for Community Colleges….
I understand that as a Black woman in America our rights are so young. I represent the group of Americans that have had the right to vote in the least amount of elections
It’s just in my workplace, I just choose to avoid these conversations. I feel that I am to educated and to aware to allow myself to get into heated conversations with loud mouth metro-sexual co-workers about why he “just doesn’t like the sound of Obama’s voice”.
I choose not to put my self in a situation where I’m arguing with a fool. Cause you know what the say, from a distance you can’t tell which is which.
Monday, January 28, 2008
relax. relate. release.
i'm feeling much better today.
by the way, did you see my face in my pic? i am becoming a little chunky monkey huh?
i've been writing a short story in my head all day, a spicy one that i really wanted to share but my back is hurting now (damn that Eve), so i'm just not feeling up to it.
i haven't really gave an update on mysocalledlife (other than my sister drama) and there's really not much to report.
still hanging with babershop. i still refuse to commit seriously to anything with him. still feel eerie, about him...can't trust a black man with freckles and red hair...ya know?
still window shopping the idea of letting bwood (an ex of mine from 2003) back in my life full time.
still flirting with a disaster in flores.
work is good. got a $600 fatter check, last week! loved it wit two snaps in a circle.
watched school daze (one of the greastest movies of all time) the other day and remembered why i love being black so much...cause only we can really appreciate and connect with that movie. seeing it put me on a high for the week..then i was reading in my vibe today at work (while trying to avoid that lady that talks too much, in the lunchroom) an article on the movie, just put me in an even better mood!!! (is it me or is vibe getting a little mensmag/tabloid-ish? its this new editor they have now)
i've been thinking about relationships and what i want now at 26 (and more than a half). i've been thinking about how what i want has changed so drastically since when i first started this blog at 23. i think now, i am so ready to be a pig!! you know how in ham and eggs, the pig is committed but the chicken's just involved? i'm ready to be the pig!
ready to settle down. tell some man (that man) i love him. make some important decisions together. get married and make some more babies.
just gotta find that man. **the understatment of the year**
i'm getting a little tired of doing this running the household on my own thing. it's a little played out...
for those of you that don't have kids, if you have them on your own, people don't tell you, you're going to be the only one doing the dishes for a long time....or in my case rinsing them and putting them in the dishwasher.
ok...for real i need 600mg of motrin, an old school hot water bottle, my thumb in my mouth (yep it's a horrible habit) and a warm bed....
later gaters.
by the way, did you see my face in my pic? i am becoming a little chunky monkey huh?
i've been writing a short story in my head all day, a spicy one that i really wanted to share but my back is hurting now (damn that Eve), so i'm just not feeling up to it.
i haven't really gave an update on mysocalledlife (other than my sister drama) and there's really not much to report.
still hanging with babershop. i still refuse to commit seriously to anything with him. still feel eerie, about him...can't trust a black man with freckles and red hair...ya know?
still window shopping the idea of letting bwood (an ex of mine from 2003) back in my life full time.
still flirting with a disaster in flores.
work is good. got a $600 fatter check, last week! loved it wit two snaps in a circle.
watched school daze (one of the greastest movies of all time) the other day and remembered why i love being black so much...cause only we can really appreciate and connect with that movie. seeing it put me on a high for the week..then i was reading in my vibe today at work (while trying to avoid that lady that talks too much, in the lunchroom) an article on the movie, just put me in an even better mood!!! (is it me or is vibe getting a little mensmag/tabloid-ish? its this new editor they have now)
i've been thinking about relationships and what i want now at 26 (and more than a half). i've been thinking about how what i want has changed so drastically since when i first started this blog at 23. i think now, i am so ready to be a pig!! you know how in ham and eggs, the pig is committed but the chicken's just involved? i'm ready to be the pig!
ready to settle down. tell some man (that man) i love him. make some important decisions together. get married and make some more babies.
just gotta find that man. **the understatment of the year**
i'm getting a little tired of doing this running the household on my own thing. it's a little played out...
for those of you that don't have kids, if you have them on your own, people don't tell you, you're going to be the only one doing the dishes for a long time....or in my case rinsing them and putting them in the dishwasher.
ok...for real i need 600mg of motrin, an old school hot water bottle, my thumb in my mouth (yep it's a horrible habit) and a warm bed....
later gaters.
Wednesday, December 05, 2007
"so, i like what i see when i'm looking at me when i'm walking pass the mirror"
isn't that just the best line out of a song in all 2007? i'ma make that my theme song for the first part of 2008 ("living my life like it's golden" by jill scott and "real love" by mary j. blige were the themes for 2007).
any who...back to my lists.... that i've grown to love so much.
1. since when is 33 an age to die of natural causes? i don't know about the rest of the country but the so.cal news is putting it on blast that pimp c died... everytime i turn on the news i hear serious newscasters speaking to a soundtrack of "big pimpin"
2. i got a fucken red-light camera ticket. now please tell me why is it $381? where is that money going to come from? i refuse to use my christmas bonus on a damn ticket!
3. one of my customers refuses to call me by my name he will only call me "donald".... i have the voice of mechl'le and he's calling me donald....you prolly already know english is his second language.
4. fls, baby momma need to be slapped. i know they had drama in the past... but shit girl, let the man see his son. the judge ordered that she must fly the boy out here every other weekend. he know that aint happening. they both prolly gon go broke.... sigh.
5. my daughter's father (i refuse, i'm pretty defiant today, to say baby daddy...this time) called my five year old daughter the morning of her birthday to say "oh, daddy ordered your shoes late so they won't be ready till next week." (I wish yall could hear the voice i use when i'm imitating him...hilarious!) MY says "oooohhhh, not againnnnn daddy... nex week is not my birfday." then she hung up the phone. ha! i didn't have to get on the phone...i think she handled it pretty damn well if you asked me.
6. i don't have cable; but my daughter's god mother brought her a tv for her birthday. my daughter came to me the other night pissed off cause she couldn't understand why we didn't have more channels. i told her "mommy can't afford more channels" thinking she'd skip over the meaning of "afford". she tells me "mommy, we got to get you some money." ha! the kid is gold!
7. my hair needs to be done. i'm still fine though. it's just dryyyyy like the dessert sands...
8. my job allows us to buy over-the-counter products and medical devices and such through our ordering system for wholesale price (I just brought 48 rolls of toliet paper for $10) and then takes it out of our checks a little at a time (like 20 a check). i'm thinking everyone on my christmas list is going to be getting products from our catalog:
-grandma- a new folding cane with roses on it and a flashlight at the bottom
- step dad- a new sleep apnea machine
-bigsis- a new stethescope (she's in school to be an rn)
-MY's teacher- a humidifer (they're on sale for 1.25)
lol.... ha!
9. i talked to crazyc, i put this at the bottom at the hopes no one would read this far and see that i slipped back...told yall he's like a crack addiction, we chatted a bit about things. told him i wasn't happy and that he need to "straighten up and fly right". he came by and we talked more. why did i let him in my door? why lord? pray about it for me... he's not got change. he's still him. so pray that god can change me. make me want somehting elese. crazyc will always be the asshole to end all assholes.... lol...lol why is that so funny to me?
10. i was in a rush this morning, had to take my shower throw on my clothes and run. when i got home and took off my boots, why are my legs so ashy they look like i been jumpin in flour all day? like i just got off a plane from africa?
11. this weather out here is damn fool... 82 degrees in the day and 42 at night don't make not damn sense.
12. im not one to let stress affect my body...but my feet are swollen, i got the gas, skin is dry and my back hurts (sounds like pregnancy huh? naw, that's not it...lol...i'd be a damn crazy fool if that was it. be making appointments at medical buildings that have protestors out side, if that was it. i can't pay a ticket how am i gon support another kid... that's the reason I pop a Orthotricyclen Lo everymorning at 845 and if i do get a little somethin somethin happening- i supply the contraceptives (crazyc been tryna make a little boy wit me for years... and aint no body trappin me) humph! humping or not ain't tryna hav no lil people growing in me!...I must've touched a sore spot because i'm way off subject...forget. must've not been too important.
13. saw my home boy brandon adams at the ladera ctr. still thinking he fly. had to give him the "you-ain't-been-fly-since-you-made-that-movie-people-under-the-stairs-or-imitated-michael-jackson-in-the-i'm-bad-video" look. when we were in high school, this fool paid extra money every month so his number could have double 0-7 in it...retart.
14. santa claus is coming, so you better be nice...he's sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake....for goodness sake! he's a perv...
any who...back to my lists.... that i've grown to love so much.
1. since when is 33 an age to die of natural causes? i don't know about the rest of the country but the so.cal news is putting it on blast that pimp c died... everytime i turn on the news i hear serious newscasters speaking to a soundtrack of "big pimpin"
2. i got a fucken red-light camera ticket. now please tell me why is it $381? where is that money going to come from? i refuse to use my christmas bonus on a damn ticket!
3. one of my customers refuses to call me by my name he will only call me "donald".... i have the voice of mechl'le and he's calling me donald....you prolly already know english is his second language.
4. fls, baby momma need to be slapped. i know they had drama in the past... but shit girl, let the man see his son. the judge ordered that she must fly the boy out here every other weekend. he know that aint happening. they both prolly gon go broke.... sigh.
5. my daughter's father (i refuse, i'm pretty defiant today, to say baby daddy...this time) called my five year old daughter the morning of her birthday to say "oh, daddy ordered your shoes late so they won't be ready till next week." (I wish yall could hear the voice i use when i'm imitating him...hilarious!) MY says "oooohhhh, not againnnnn daddy... nex week is not my birfday." then she hung up the phone. ha! i didn't have to get on the phone...i think she handled it pretty damn well if you asked me.
6. i don't have cable; but my daughter's god mother brought her a tv for her birthday. my daughter came to me the other night pissed off cause she couldn't understand why we didn't have more channels. i told her "mommy can't afford more channels" thinking she'd skip over the meaning of "afford". she tells me "mommy, we got to get you some money." ha! the kid is gold!
7. my hair needs to be done. i'm still fine though. it's just dryyyyy like the dessert sands...
8. my job allows us to buy over-the-counter products and medical devices and such through our ordering system for wholesale price (I just brought 48 rolls of toliet paper for $10) and then takes it out of our checks a little at a time (like 20 a check). i'm thinking everyone on my christmas list is going to be getting products from our catalog:
-grandma- a new folding cane with roses on it and a flashlight at the bottom
- step dad- a new sleep apnea machine
-bigsis- a new stethescope (she's in school to be an rn)
-MY's teacher- a humidifer (they're on sale for 1.25)
lol.... ha!
9. i talked to crazyc, i put this at the bottom at the hopes no one would read this far and see that i slipped back...told yall he's like a crack addiction, we chatted a bit about things. told him i wasn't happy and that he need to "straighten up and fly right". he came by and we talked more. why did i let him in my door? why lord? pray about it for me... he's not got change. he's still him. so pray that god can change me. make me want somehting elese. crazyc will always be the asshole to end all assholes.... lol...lol why is that so funny to me?
10. i was in a rush this morning, had to take my shower throw on my clothes and run. when i got home and took off my boots, why are my legs so ashy they look like i been jumpin in flour all day? like i just got off a plane from africa?
11. this weather out here is damn fool... 82 degrees in the day and 42 at night don't make not damn sense.
12. im not one to let stress affect my body...but my feet are swollen, i got the gas, skin is dry and my back hurts (sounds like pregnancy huh? naw, that's not it...lol...i'd be a damn crazy fool if that was it. be making appointments at medical buildings that have protestors out side, if that was it. i can't pay a ticket how am i gon support another kid... that's the reason I pop a Orthotricyclen Lo everymorning at 845 and if i do get a little somethin somethin happening- i supply the contraceptives (crazyc been tryna make a little boy wit me for years... and aint no body trappin me) humph! humping or not ain't tryna hav no lil people growing in me!...I must've touched a sore spot because i'm way off subject...forget. must've not been too important.
13. saw my home boy brandon adams at the ladera ctr. still thinking he fly. had to give him the "you-ain't-been-fly-since-you-made-that-movie-people-under-the-stairs-or-imitated-michael-jackson-in-the-i'm-bad-video" look. when we were in high school, this fool paid extra money every month so his number could have double 0-7 in it...retart.
14. santa claus is coming, so you better be nice...he's sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake....for goodness sake! he's a perv...
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Its been a week. I ain't wrote in a whole week. Haven't really felt inspired though...
I love my job and yet in the same breath I hate it. Why do you ask? Well here are the factors that come in to play-
Let's start with my co workers. They drive me nuts; yet it's hilarous to listen to from inside of my cubicle-
Fluff and Puff- loud, highly aggressive, irritating, "yag". too busy doing the side hustle at work to do work at work.
Chardonnay- whines all day long. complains so much i want to peel my eyelids off. yet can at times be friendly with me.
Haternation- complains, whines, and is obbessively jealous of every one and everything. must take "pills" to survive the entire day. i avoid this wrinkled mess at all costs.
static- loud, hyper, obnoxius. one day we are going to fight. its inevitable. makes slighted racial comments and should also be on "pills" but isn't
mumbles- i don't know, doesn't speak..
sinus headache- sweet, charming. prolly a little two faced. bathes in perfume twice daily.
minnie- speaks slighty over a whisper and is simply cute as a button.
grace- reminds me of my old secretary. the only one i would like to hang out with outside of work.
the management:
shaqattack- I'm mad right now prolly not a good time to discuss....
the customers:
Some I love they are polite and curteous and truely lovely people. On the other hand there are some that I can't believe are responsible for giving out medications. I wonder how some are even able to get to work every day. Let's just say they are not all bright. I know everyone saw on the news about the actor whose twin babies were given the wrong medication, well...I'm not one to gossip but....That hospital is located in Southern Cali and my company does service all of Southern Cali and there is only 5 major generic drug suppliers in the entire United states. well you do the math...
my lack of experience at this job:
I hate being new at anything. I make mistakes. Mistakes frustrate me. I am extremely critical of myself when if comes to doing my job. I like to do well at my job. If I am not doing well at my job, what is the point of doing it. I don't feel like I am performing at optimal performance. the consequence? I'm starting to dislike what I do.
I love my job and yet in the same breath I hate it. Why do you ask? Well here are the factors that come in to play-
Let's start with my co workers. They drive me nuts; yet it's hilarous to listen to from inside of my cubicle-
Fluff and Puff- loud, highly aggressive, irritating, "yag". too busy doing the side hustle at work to do work at work.
Chardonnay- whines all day long. complains so much i want to peel my eyelids off. yet can at times be friendly with me.
Haternation- complains, whines, and is obbessively jealous of every one and everything. must take "pills" to survive the entire day. i avoid this wrinkled mess at all costs.
static- loud, hyper, obnoxius. one day we are going to fight. its inevitable. makes slighted racial comments and should also be on "pills" but isn't
mumbles- i don't know, doesn't speak..
sinus headache- sweet, charming. prolly a little two faced. bathes in perfume twice daily.
minnie- speaks slighty over a whisper and is simply cute as a button.
grace- reminds me of my old secretary. the only one i would like to hang out with outside of work.
the management:
shaqattack- I'm mad right now prolly not a good time to discuss....
the customers:
Some I love they are polite and curteous and truely lovely people. On the other hand there are some that I can't believe are responsible for giving out medications. I wonder how some are even able to get to work every day. Let's just say they are not all bright. I know everyone saw on the news about the actor whose twin babies were given the wrong medication, well...I'm not one to gossip but....That hospital is located in Southern Cali and my company does service all of Southern Cali and there is only 5 major generic drug suppliers in the entire United states. well you do the math...
my lack of experience at this job:
I hate being new at anything. I make mistakes. Mistakes frustrate me. I am extremely critical of myself when if comes to doing my job. I like to do well at my job. If I am not doing well at my job, what is the point of doing it. I don't feel like I am performing at optimal performance. the consequence? I'm starting to dislike what I do.
Monday, November 12, 2007
"till you do right by me, everything you even think about gonna' fail"
i feel like someone beat the shit out of me today.
i had to call in sick to work.
i've been hugging the toliet all day today and yesterday.
my stomach has been doing freakin loopty loops all day.
this is what a bulimic person must feel like... my teeth fukkin hurt.
i swear i've lost 3 pounds over the course of today and yesterday.
i have chills and a headache.
what's really messed up is my daughter has it too.
we've been wrestling each other all day for the bathroom....
while i was lying in bed, trying to decide whether to write my will or not, i saw a story on the news that a stomach virus is going around. it's passed mostly when people use the bathroom and don't wash their hands and then contaiminate a door handle or directly touching some one else..
just that quickly and one can contract an illness. well i got it.
i feel like the death of the earth is upon me. so Please please non-handwashers
WASH YOUR FUNKY HANDS!!
the Center for Disease Control and Prevention suggest the following steps to washing ones hands thoroughly:
1. remove all items that may be used as a resevoir for bacteria (i.e. jewlry, long shirts or jackets can be rolled up)
2. rinse hands in warm water.
3. apply antibacterial soap
4. scrub hands for a minimum of 35 seconds (the length of one verse of " happy birthday" or the ABC song)
5. rinse hands in warm water in a downward motion
6. dry hands
7. use napkin to turn off sink and open the handle of the restroom door.
if you ain't got the full minute it should take to perform this task...i wish the spitfire madness that is going on in my body on you. i'll prolly take that back later, but right now as i sit here listening to my stomach rumble and the flash of fear sets in over me as i try to decide which way is this explosion going to exit me...I wish it on all the non-handwashers, the way Ceelie cursed Mista (Albert) on the Color Purple.
i had to call in sick to work.
i've been hugging the toliet all day today and yesterday.
my stomach has been doing freakin loopty loops all day.
this is what a bulimic person must feel like... my teeth fukkin hurt.
i swear i've lost 3 pounds over the course of today and yesterday.
i have chills and a headache.
what's really messed up is my daughter has it too.
we've been wrestling each other all day for the bathroom....
while i was lying in bed, trying to decide whether to write my will or not, i saw a story on the news that a stomach virus is going around. it's passed mostly when people use the bathroom and don't wash their hands and then contaiminate a door handle or directly touching some one else..
just that quickly and one can contract an illness. well i got it.
i feel like the death of the earth is upon me. so Please please non-handwashers
WASH YOUR FUNKY HANDS!!
the Center for Disease Control and Prevention suggest the following steps to washing ones hands thoroughly:
1. remove all items that may be used as a resevoir for bacteria (i.e. jewlry, long shirts or jackets can be rolled up)
2. rinse hands in warm water.
3. apply antibacterial soap
4. scrub hands for a minimum of 35 seconds (the length of one verse of " happy birthday" or the ABC song)
5. rinse hands in warm water in a downward motion
6. dry hands
7. use napkin to turn off sink and open the handle of the restroom door.
if you ain't got the full minute it should take to perform this task...i wish the spitfire madness that is going on in my body on you. i'll prolly take that back later, but right now as i sit here listening to my stomach rumble and the flash of fear sets in over me as i try to decide which way is this explosion going to exit me...I wish it on all the non-handwashers, the way Ceelie cursed Mista (Albert) on the Color Purple.
Thursday, November 01, 2007
life is a beautiful struggle....
In the true spirit on halloween I dressed up... fabulously I might ad... looka here at foxy brown working her magic:
XXX
Actually, this pic is from last year, but I wore the exact same thing this year...welll I didn't wear the booty shorts this year...but I was still hot...
I won second prize in competetion at work. $30 and two movie tickets. SO I sorta thought I was fly. After work My went with bigsis and her kids trick or treating (as usual). She was a princess, of course. I would post a pic, but I'm to sure about it...mybe after I think about it some. She was cute though... my love! SHe told me halloween morning, "mommy, you gon wear your hoochie mama boots today?" The boots I had on were to my knees, white leather with fur.
Since My was off with bigsis. I went with Sonystudios, her boyfriend timmypoo, his brother and his friend to an amusement park.. It was cool. Not as scary as Knotts scary farm...but fun!
That's it...
That's $110 at work this week alone...Iwon the pool for when my co-workers wife would have their baby ($80). So I'm having a great week so far:
1. met a young boy that thinks I'm fly
2. won 110 at work
3. went to an amusement park
4. what i did last nigt with crazyc after i got home from the amusement park
5. I have the most intelligent child in the world.
6. life is beautiful.
Saturday, October 20, 2007
Home Sweet Home
Ok so I finally have my computer. I can type and write as much as I want to. No more breaks just because I don’t have the supplies…Y’all know I need my tools to get my job done. Well it’s not really a job but its something I absolutely love to do.
In the time and age when everyone has a computer and everyone blogs about their life, isn’t it refreshing to believe that mine will be different? Well it’s not. I’m just Jenny. Just like everyone else. Ain’t nothing special, except I do tend to get into a lot of drama and I try to tell the whole truth. Even though there’s definite possibility that someone I really know could discover this blog one day and find out all my secrets… oh well I really don’t care anyway…
I’m just loving the idea, that there’s a possibility that someone, somewhere may be able to read my words and relate to them. It’s such a beautiful relief to realize that one can be understood. That someone can read my words and say “well, damn. I feel you Jen. I truly feel you.”
Now that I’m at the hizzy while I type; I’ll be able to type in my jimmies or late at night when I wake up restless or type what ever the fuck I want with no fear that the job is reading…You know what would be truly ironic and entirely like me? If I continued to write as scarcely as when I didn’t have a computer…..LOL…
Ok, Let’s get to what every one really wants to know...who the hussy is sleeping with.
Well the last time I wrote, when I was in Illinois, I mentioned that Mr. Wonderful and I had broken up…gees was that hard. It was self defeating.
That whole week, I had an ache in my stomach that something wasn’t right with us; but, when I finally asked him what was really going on, between he and I, I never expected that he would flip out and turn into Mr. Scaredy Cat. It was like he thought I was trying to put a lock down on his ass. Put him behind doors or something. It really hurt. I prolly over reacted… because I was loving with my heart and not my head, but I needed him to say “ Jen, after 7 months, this is how I feel about you…”. Instead, he said “ I don’t know”. All that time and he didn’t know. I was once again just another chic. Here he is know as Mr. Wonderful on my blog and I was “I don’t know” to him.
I really cried. I mean like hard core movie of the week tears; I closed the bathroom door and became a sobbing ball of mess. Sigh.
Ambo came by that same day, just by chance, or by heavenly design, to bring me some boxes (since I was moving). She saw what a debacle I had become and tried to save me from myself. We went to Martinez’s house and watched “Black Snack Moan”. They smoked while I drank away the hurt.
That night, Crazyc called me and I cried to him. For the first time ever, in all our 13 years, he heard me cry. Not just bitching to him about something, really sad, uncontrollable crying. I don’t think he knew what to do with that. I think it made him feel like he needed to protect me. Since then he’s really been here for me.
Now, he’s still his old selfish ass self. But I know how much he cares. We talk pretty much daily. We’re doing the hanky panky and all but it’s not what you could call a relationship…well at least I don’t think so. I don’t ever think CrazyC and I will ever marry and be the Huxtables; but, you know that song by that girl that I don’t her name called “I’ll always be your lady”? Well I’ll always be his lady.
Back to Mr. Wonderful, one day about a month after the conversation about whether or not we were going to be together or not. I got pissed, like hella pissed. I wrote him a long email asking about why he hadn’t called me or anything and saying that I deserved a better ending than that. He wrote me back apologetically and we started a friendship from there.
One day, after about a month of just emailing each other, he wrote to me:
“I don’t know how you’re going to take this but I miss your lips..”
I didn’t know how to take it. I didn’t know what to write so I conferred with Sonystudios.
She wouldn’t tell me what to write. She simply threatened to beat the shit out of him if he hurt me again. She just told me to be careful and really think about what I wanted. I didn’t. I hung up with her went to my desk and wrote that I missed him too.
We went on a date the next week. Football game for his god son, sushi, and I ended up spending the night at his house. We did it (I’m in Jr. High). It wasn’t like before. It was different. He was never so aggressive before. I liked it. We got breakfast and he brought me home in the morning. I called him Sunday but it was weird an awkward. I thought of never speaking to him after that. We didn’t talk for a day. Then he called me and asked me what was wrong. I couldn’t explain it. It just felt weird.
A few weeks later he came over to watch a movie. He spent the night. That was still different. I won’t get explicit (you’ll get that in the book version) but what he did to me that night made me fall asleep instantaneously. I woke up beaming. Two people commented that day on my glow….
So now the drag is, I have two “Sumathatime” men. Neither are really my boyfriend. I really care about both of them and I have been. I could go either way on who I love the most. And I know if either found out it could blow up in my face. It’s just that they each have their own places in my heart. It’s strange, I’m 26 and still a playa. You’d think I’d be over this.
You know what I really wish? I wish that I could figure a way to move them both in with me. It would be so perfect. (for me of course). It wouldn’t be ok when I came home and caught them together or something ….ewwww the thought makes my stomach hurt.
All jokes aside, I’m still lonely. Still wishing I had one real boyfriend. Sigh. I’m starting to believe that it’s just not for me.
In the time and age when everyone has a computer and everyone blogs about their life, isn’t it refreshing to believe that mine will be different? Well it’s not. I’m just Jenny. Just like everyone else. Ain’t nothing special, except I do tend to get into a lot of drama and I try to tell the whole truth. Even though there’s definite possibility that someone I really know could discover this blog one day and find out all my secrets… oh well I really don’t care anyway…
I’m just loving the idea, that there’s a possibility that someone, somewhere may be able to read my words and relate to them. It’s such a beautiful relief to realize that one can be understood. That someone can read my words and say “well, damn. I feel you Jen. I truly feel you.”
Now that I’m at the hizzy while I type; I’ll be able to type in my jimmies or late at night when I wake up restless or type what ever the fuck I want with no fear that the job is reading…You know what would be truly ironic and entirely like me? If I continued to write as scarcely as when I didn’t have a computer…..LOL…
Ok, Let’s get to what every one really wants to know...who the hussy is sleeping with.
Well the last time I wrote, when I was in Illinois, I mentioned that Mr. Wonderful and I had broken up…gees was that hard. It was self defeating.
That whole week, I had an ache in my stomach that something wasn’t right with us; but, when I finally asked him what was really going on, between he and I, I never expected that he would flip out and turn into Mr. Scaredy Cat. It was like he thought I was trying to put a lock down on his ass. Put him behind doors or something. It really hurt. I prolly over reacted… because I was loving with my heart and not my head, but I needed him to say “ Jen, after 7 months, this is how I feel about you…”. Instead, he said “ I don’t know”. All that time and he didn’t know. I was once again just another chic. Here he is know as Mr. Wonderful on my blog and I was “I don’t know” to him.
I really cried. I mean like hard core movie of the week tears; I closed the bathroom door and became a sobbing ball of mess. Sigh.
Ambo came by that same day, just by chance, or by heavenly design, to bring me some boxes (since I was moving). She saw what a debacle I had become and tried to save me from myself. We went to Martinez’s house and watched “Black Snack Moan”. They smoked while I drank away the hurt.
That night, Crazyc called me and I cried to him. For the first time ever, in all our 13 years, he heard me cry. Not just bitching to him about something, really sad, uncontrollable crying. I don’t think he knew what to do with that. I think it made him feel like he needed to protect me. Since then he’s really been here for me.
Now, he’s still his old selfish ass self. But I know how much he cares. We talk pretty much daily. We’re doing the hanky panky and all but it’s not what you could call a relationship…well at least I don’t think so. I don’t ever think CrazyC and I will ever marry and be the Huxtables; but, you know that song by that girl that I don’t her name called “I’ll always be your lady”? Well I’ll always be his lady.
Back to Mr. Wonderful, one day about a month after the conversation about whether or not we were going to be together or not. I got pissed, like hella pissed. I wrote him a long email asking about why he hadn’t called me or anything and saying that I deserved a better ending than that. He wrote me back apologetically and we started a friendship from there.
One day, after about a month of just emailing each other, he wrote to me:
“I don’t know how you’re going to take this but I miss your lips..”
I didn’t know how to take it. I didn’t know what to write so I conferred with Sonystudios.
She wouldn’t tell me what to write. She simply threatened to beat the shit out of him if he hurt me again. She just told me to be careful and really think about what I wanted. I didn’t. I hung up with her went to my desk and wrote that I missed him too.
We went on a date the next week. Football game for his god son, sushi, and I ended up spending the night at his house. We did it (I’m in Jr. High). It wasn’t like before. It was different. He was never so aggressive before. I liked it. We got breakfast and he brought me home in the morning. I called him Sunday but it was weird an awkward. I thought of never speaking to him after that. We didn’t talk for a day. Then he called me and asked me what was wrong. I couldn’t explain it. It just felt weird.
A few weeks later he came over to watch a movie. He spent the night. That was still different. I won’t get explicit (you’ll get that in the book version) but what he did to me that night made me fall asleep instantaneously. I woke up beaming. Two people commented that day on my glow….
So now the drag is, I have two “Sumathatime” men. Neither are really my boyfriend. I really care about both of them and I have been. I could go either way on who I love the most. And I know if either found out it could blow up in my face. It’s just that they each have their own places in my heart. It’s strange, I’m 26 and still a playa. You’d think I’d be over this.
You know what I really wish? I wish that I could figure a way to move them both in with me. It would be so perfect. (for me of course). It wouldn’t be ok when I came home and caught them together or something ….ewwww the thought makes my stomach hurt.
All jokes aside, I’m still lonely. Still wishing I had one real boyfriend. Sigh. I’m starting to believe that it’s just not for me.
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