southeren-playa-listic-cadiallac-funky-music

Ok here I am again risking my job to write a blog. I have gots to get a computer at home.

What's up with me?

* Well I was talking to MC, but I think that's over.

* I am still rolling with Crazychris. shit has actually been good between us, believe it or not. I am feeling good about "us" for the first time in um...um... ten years. we'll see. I'm suppsosed to have a super bowl party for him at my house.

* Thursday and friday I was out of it...I was dead to the world. I had to leave work early on Thursday and didn't go on Friday. I was on my death bed.Head was hurting, throat was sore, achy body the flu over came me. Trust.

* I am paying 157 dollars for got damn health insurance. that amount of $ can make or break my daughter and I. I am going to have to put my daughter back on Medi-cal and just hope for the best for myself. Fuckin Bush.

* Saturday day I took My to Chuckee Cheese for her cousin's birthday party. (My BBD's sister's daughter) And yes my daughter's dad was there...with his other baby mama. Yes the one before me. I stayed all of thirty minutes before I quickly dismissed my self. Why would his sister invite me to the party knowing that he was going to be there with her? ~Expecting me to come with the drama?

* Saturday night I went out with Sony Studios.Sony and I picked up her friend Jason then we met up with two of his friends that looked all buffed up on steroids. and had gel slicked hair...? She and I went to this club called Pearl. I wasn't feeling all that cute when I got there. The rain had dapened my style. But the Dj was cracking. The crowd was a mix of black and white (mostly white women)All I know is that I got so drunk that I threw up. I threw up at the club i threw up at Sony Studios house Upstairs and downstairs. Sony was so drunk she gave this guy that she's messing with 120.00... yeah.... I don't know.... why..... I wasn't with her...sounds suspicious to me.

*Crazychris was upset with me because I ended up spending the night at Sony studios house. And if you've read my blog before ...you know the type of stuff that goes on there...I don't blame him.

* My stayed with Sony Studios' mom Ms. R and she was "the sweetest baby" I was very happy with her.

* Sunday I didn't do a damn thing. I couldn't. Suffering from my hangover. I cleaned up my house. I showered.that was it.

Embrace my punkism.

Thank You so much for your prayers!!! I got the job!!!!! I start next week!!!! Yeaaaa!!!

Good things about my new job:
* more money
* closer to home
* Less $ on gas
* better benefits
* closer to My's school
* less drama
* they run thier school legally
* it's corporately run
* nation wide (relocation opportunities)
* no office work

Not so good things about my new job:
* the hours I work (1pm to 10 pm) for the first few months
* no more WG2 or Kamasutra
* no office
* no computer (therefore, less posting on my blog)


I think this is going to be the longest week of my life. For a couple of reasons: #1.I will have to be here with WG1 Who is in full effect this week...She's been getting mad on my nerves,#2. dealing with Marsha Fuerst the owner of the school I work for, that is going to have mad bitches about the fact that I'm leaving her for a competitor,#3. CT my boss, who is apparently schizophrenic, has been sparatic this week and #4.just having to drive here, knowing I don't want to be here anymore.

As far as the "loveless love-life" of mine.

I have been seeing a lot of MC lately... Again, he has captivated me. Yes, I'm laughing at myself. I can be so dramatic. Last night, we were on the phone and he askes me "did you see the orange lunar eclipse last night?" I say "yes, I watched it" He says "good, we were connected, because I watched it too." I think have a magnet for detecting bullshit, so I slammed him with a harsh "who else did you say that to today?"

Now I realize that this is my problem. I think every man is bullshit. I don't believe a word they say.

I know, I can't let what happened in my past, cause frustration in my future relationships, but I always put walls up. That's what I do. Block them out, until eventually they give up.

I know, that's deep for me to be able to lay it out like 'this is my problem. this is what I do wrong.' And then I keep doing it. I am always on the same shit: Just don't give a fuck, don't feel for him, that way I can't be hurt by him.

I've come to realize that I have to embrace my punkism. Just come to grips with it.

I have never wanted to be that girl that calls so much that she ends up getting her name on caller ID ignored. So instead, I scarcely call. But now, I'm tired of being the girl that they eventually just stop calling because I haven't called them.

I've decided that I am going to let my punkism shine from now on!!!

I'm going to be come an understudy of women that I have tried to be so different from.I'll watch how they let them selves get wrapped up, and whisped off into whirl wind realtionships. I'll reinacted thier acceptance of late night calls and I'll start ditching the homies to "kick it" and I'll start blushing at comments like the one MC made to me. That's what'll do! I'll let all the punk out in me!

But, Is that really what I need to do?

Do I really need to stop being the "man" in my relationships? The one who is on that "just don't give a fuck"? The one who is always second guessing motives? The one who is always "hard to get"? The one who feels nothing?

Is that my deal?

"Whatcha know about a supa model..."

I love Usher. Even though, I hear he has a serious case of OCD (obcessive compulsive disorder)via Rolling Stone Magazine issue #948 May 13, 2004:
"...like seperating M&Ms in different bowls by color, which he does to keep his hands busy when he's sitting around, or the need to coordinate the fifty or so pairs of jeans in his closet by fade color. Whenever he goes out, in addition to carrying $5000 in cash he takes along a small bottle of hand sanitizer"

I had to sight my source of reference so those Usher-heads won't bombard my blog with nasty notes

Friday MC called me and asked if I wanted to go with him to his friend's house to "hang". Since I am the sophisticathed lady that I am I told him "hell naw, I don't want to be the only chic in a room full of dick." On second thought I guess it doesn't seem all that bad.

SO instead I went to the BOOTLEG movies (Catch-a-case's house) and watched "Celluar" which is not that bad...ok yes it is... and "Anaconda"...which I fell asleep on after the first asshole got eaten.

After the movies =SLEEP...beautiful, uninterrupted, pillow saturated in slober, sleep....

Saturday Got my toes done.

Went shopping because I knew I was going to have to get out the damn house.

Went to club Monte Cristo with my cuzo (cousin) Kita and some of her co-workers. Who, by the way, were just ugly.

I know it's not nice to call people ugly and I'm not all extra too-fine-sexy-hot-momma, but when they are and it's true you just have to say it. These chics were ugly. And not the type of oh they just need some make-up or a quick outfit make over type ugly. They were ugly. Now please don't go to thinking that I think I'm all that, because I am the first to point out the fact that my bottom teeth are a little crooked from sucking my thumb and that I prolly need a boob job; but the these chics were bringing down the property value.

One was like 7 foot 9 and had this light brown weave in her jet black hair that was dry and all mangled and obviously uncombed and quite possibly could have had curls at the ends at one point but was long gone and forgotten by the time she got to the club. She had these crooked, extra large, extra long rabbit teeth that had a gap in the middle.Her eyes looked down syndrome and her cheeks hung down suspiciously. ***pauses and squints eyes*****She had on this pink drop neck shirt that she had to keep pulling closed because her sagging breast were almost falling out, these black spandex ankle hugging pants on and strappy shoes.

The second chic was kind of chunky; but it was a cute Countous Vaughn type chunky. She would have been adorable excepted she kept scrunching her face up like her top lip stank and bugging her eyes out like a damn iguana. She had these 9 month old cornrolls in her head and jelly-beads at the ends. She wore this SKIN tight tan colored, tube dress, with apparently NO undergarments at all, and it was entirely too big at the top so it was sticiking out because oddly enough, even though she was a big girl, she had no titties. She had on light green flip flops and her toe nails were brown and not because of the polish.

The third chic had this flowing type shirt that fadded from white into greyish blue, these white ankle hugging jean pants (is this some new thing that I just don't know about?) and these black suede shoes. She had a curly weave and had her real hair straight with about a hand full of gel plopped on top of it all. Her face was pretty but she had the mean mug on like the chunky chic that just made her look awful.

I am a happy person and spoke to all of them...cause their ugly don't affect me...but they all had attitudes.

Being that I am a lush, had my first few drinks (all within ten minutes of each other) and sat my ass down and tried to start up a convo with the girls. None of them seemed to be happy. So I offered to buy a round of drinks to perk up the convo but, no one partook. So I eneded up dancing by myself for a bit.

Then the tall one came out and danced with me and she and I started up a convo. We were laughing about New Edition and some dude with a white belt on (My opinion is that men who wear white belts are gay...that's just me) and she turned out to be really nice. Once the other two saw that me and the tall one and my cuzo were having a good time they figured out I wasn't the stuck up bitch they thought I was, so they came out to dance.

When I confronted my cuzo on her friends, she said that the chunky one told her that she thought I looked like i was going to be stuck up so she automatically had an attitude with me and that the other two are her lackies so they prolly just followed suite.
At first I got pissed off because I knew it was most likely a self esteem issue on their part. Because anyone who knows me knows that I can be the sweetest most kind hearted girl ever. Then I thouhgt it was thier bad that I wasn'looking all crack-ish like thier asses. Because excuse me saying so I was working my black heels and that army green skirt and that black low cut shirt with "my" curly hair.

Then I thought maybe I do give off that attitude to people. I've never had anyone tell me that, but maybe I give off that "I think I'm cute" vibe... I don't...think I'm cute that is....but maybe I unkowingly give that ora off. Because even though I liked how I was looking I'm never the type chic to be so high on herself that she can't see her attitude is stank.

My sister gives off that vibe. If I were someone that didn't know her and I was introduced to her I wouldn't like her at first. I told her that when she and I went to the movies the other day and she was totally offened by that....I think that's how I'd be if someone ever told me that.

I think I will evaluate how I interact with people. I def don't want people to think I'm stuck up.

Sunday Didnt go to church I was too hung over.

Picked My up from dads and went to my Rush party.

Thusly, I ended my weekend with a pizza party with my two year old.

"love, so many people use your name in vain..."

after my episode with CRAZYCHRIS on friday I was feeling kind of sad. Kind of agitated with myself about the whole situation. I was feeling the opposing effect of this self diagnosed bi-polar mania...depression.

I was very meloncholy all day Saturday. Even though I had my babies with me. My little nephew Jay and My and I spent the day together all day and yet I still felt the urge to be saddened by Friday's activities...well that and the fact i had a quasi-hangover... I've learned the tricks of the trade for hangover removal: WATER WATER WATER!!!!! Hydration Hydration Hydration!

Anyways the kids and I went to the park and they rode bikes on my balcony and we watched SpyKids. then they feel alseep on me. I was sad again.

Muq called me reading me the drama of her half ass boyfriend/guy friend/business associate. And I felt comforted in her voice. It's always good to have a friend that understands your bi-polar mania.

Bigsis picked up her son around 7 and My and I cleaned up. I was watching the third movie I'd borrowed from Bigsis when MC called me.

Ok back story...He and I met, way back in January. We went on dates and I fell hard for him!!!! Real hard. A sista was all extra dreamy eyed. All calling his ass back when he asked me to. changing plans with the girls. Let him meet my daughter . I mean I was getting very comfortable even though I hadn't planned on it. (imagine Deborah Cox's "How did you get here")Anyways right at the peak of our relationship, his job asked him to move to Hayward in Northern California, which is like oakland. Which is way far from were I live. I mean like a whole days drive. I was hurt. He and I talked a lot when he first moved but then the phone calls got less and less and eventually we hardly ever spoke. (over a three month period) Finally it was like we were just seeing each other for sex. he'd come down here spend the day with his son and then hump me. It was not cool. SO I took it upon myself to bring this issue to light. I never cussed or anything but I did let him know that I wasn't rollin with it. We really haven't been speaking much since. His grandfather died and he was going through stuff and so was I. So our stuff was kind of on hold.

Anyways he called me Saturday in the mid of my depressed state and told me that he wanted to come by and talk. He had called me earlier this week and said he'd like to see me but we didn't get to talk. So I tell him I'd love to see him and he comes over.

OUR CONVERSATION!! It reminded me totally of why I was falling so hard for him. There's somehting to be said if someone's conversation turns you on. His words stimulate me....it's deep.

We talked about everything. About his screenplay and his job and not talking in this long amount of time and about missing each other and about my fcuked job and about being together and about everything.

We talked and talked and talked the next thing we knew it was 2am. He stands up to leave and I really didn't want him to. reading this I feel like such a schoochie, one night CRAZYCHRIS the next night MC. But on the real I don't know none of yall reading this, IF there's anyone reading this, so I might as well tell the damn truth...what's the point of having a diary that you lie in.... So he tells me that he needs to be a good guy because of all the fussing I did with him about only calling me about sex. So he says as much as he would love to stay he has to leave. I tell him I don't want him to leave. And so... HE DOESN'T LEAVE!!!

We kissed. We sat on the couch and kissing...enjoying each others tongues...that line sounds so sleazy Then he tells me "Don't ever call me going off on me like that... don't you know how much I missed you. I felt like I couldn't see you or nothing after that shit. That was way too long not to see each other." the next thing I know one thing lead to another thing, that lead to another thing, that lead to another. The experience had me smiling all day Sunday.

Matter of fact, I'm smiling right now.

Whether the experience was something that's not going to continue to happen frequently or not. I enjoyed it and I was happy for it.


I didn't talk to Hernandez all weekend.

"...until it goes 'click'..."

if you've ever seen that film "The Big Labowski" you get the title.

Did anyone see the season finale of "The Player"? What the hell is up with that fake ass shit? The show was fine until that shit. I was emped that Acie won and loved that he got the geeded ass truck but the ending sucked ass.

On Tuesday, I called Hernandez and told him that I get the picture, I know when someone doesn't have time for me. So the next morning he calls me at 6:45am. I was in the shower so I didn't get the phone and he didn't leave a message. On my morning break I called him and he's all "are you mad at me?" I say "no" but I know the truth. He says "well look this is what I'm going to do, I'm going to get off work, go home and shower and come to your house, ok?" I say "fine".

When work is over he's already called me before I got there. He's all trying to get on the good side. I'm cooking when he gets to my house. In the back of my head I'm thinking that I don't want him to eat. He didnt. We sat around and watched "The Playa" and "The World Music Awards". All was love.

Guess who called me while he was there? MC!!! My love!!!! I tell him I got hit him back because I have company...Yeah I'm a 'G'!...then CRAZYCHRIS calls me...they were hatin on my lovely evening I guess.

Anyways after My went to sleep, we began with the kisses!!!!! Nothing else the buck stopped there. He got to second base, but that's it. He ended up leaving aroung five to eleven.

After he left I called MC back. We talked for a minute and it took me back. He askes me if I have to work the next day then if my cellphone is in action. He's all I want to love you and leave you again. I'm not falling for it. Then he tells me, "That's your problem. You think everybody's a player like you..."

CRAZYCHRIS invited me to go to dinner with him tonight so I'm going!!!Well see if I'm still sane on Monday.

To Sex or Not to Sex

I think I want to be cellibate. I feel I've had enough partners. I've been through enough drama. I think the best thing going is to just go ahead and save it for someone who truely cares.

Not that I've been slanging the cooch to so many folks that I just need to quit.

Not that I don't love sex and orgasms and receiving oral sex and being massaged and hickies on my thighs and the texture of a tongue and the smell that men give off when they're turned on and the sight of an erect penis and all the oso wonderful things that go along with being sexually actie, I am just tired.

I don't want to end up one of those people that have had sex with fifty eleven people and are not married, got twelve kids and still not happy.

I also don't want to be one of those people all self rightous about not having sex.

I also know that I prolly won't even last that long on the celliacy tip .  Next week I'll be on here talking about how good some dick was. My issue is I want it to stop being some dick. I want some regular BOYFRIEND type shit.

Yeah I know I'm a playa by choice and decision and I've been a playa since the break up of 12/03 with crazy ass Alon-a-lick.

I tried it with MC and he would have been a good canidate but I'm so over it now that I'm just not even trying to do nothing with him. Sexually or any other kind of relationship.

I never really put much effort in to anyne else.

 

 

what the fucccc....

So, Friday Mc calls me and tells me, 'my friends and I might go to the club if we don't then I want to come see you', What the fucccc...?!! I'm supposed to play second fiddle to your homies and hope around waitin for you to decide, whether or not you gots the time to come see me? Niggas be on one.

He and I got in to this big discussion argument, because he says that I change, what he says, so that it sounds real bad. ok, I just break down what ever it is to it's bare essentials. I just get straight to the damn point. I just put it out there and let it be known. No time to bullshit with niggas bout shit. feel me.

Anyways so I x-ed those plans he had for my friday, told him I was going "out" and chilled at home with My. Believe it or not a two year old can be plenty company. They think they have all the conversation, with their blah blah blah about noses or whatever one or two words they can say clearly. They're funny. They're complimentary. What else do you need in a companion?

Saturday I chilled all day. Cleaned up the hizzy. Then I took My to her dads, so that Muq and I could go to the After Hours. But Muq ended up dissin me for her new "boyfriend". I was fensta be on some What the fucccc...shit but, I don't necessarily mind becuase she deserves a nice guy in her life. All the drama my girl has been through, she needs some of that old "teenage love" via Slick Rick hit you wit that old shit kind of love.

I ended up going with Catchacase to see Anchorman. That shit is fucken hilarious. It's so stupid, you have to laugh at it. It's so stupid. Trust if you like "dumb-ass-make-no-sense-just-purely-a-waste-of-your-god-given-intelligence" movies that shit will make you laugh. I was seriously on some "why is this shit so stupid type shit" after I left the theater.

Sunday, I went to church and came home and kicked it. I called Rickroc to apologize for being so mean to him on Friday...yeah I left that out...but he didn't answer so I gave an apology to his answering machine. I figure he's through with my crazy ass. But that's fine becuase I was through with his crazy ass at his pool party.

After I read that last paragrah I realize my ass is loca!

I know no one reads my damn shit, but if they did they'd think this girl is off her damn rocker. She's straight up and down crazy.

I know that I am.
That's why I use this shit as a method to vent. To let it out.

And I do it on my companies time. I let their asses pay me to do not a damn thing.

I know I gots dead lines to make and quotas to meet but I could care less. These ass holes know that they are paying me way less than I should be getting paid. I make probably make half what the other fuckin teachers here make and I do ten times more than they do.

I'm sitting around writing fucking curriculum and shit and these niggas ain't gave me a stipened or nothing.

For a pharmacist to quit working at a hospital and come work here thier ass has to be getting paid. I know I fo showly ain't getting nearly what a damn pharmacist makes so I ain't going to be profitable for thier asses.

I'm going to take advantage as much I can.

I am the best damn teacher these mofo's got here and they know that. On our last evaluation I made a 100% satisfactory. In school they teach us that not more than 2% of your class should not like you at a given time. All my students are happy with me. I assure that. I make my self avaliable to them. I try to make class fun. I haven't had any complaints in the last year.

All my students pass with above average grades and they know thier stuff. I've never recieved a bad evaluation for a student not knowing thier stuff out in the field.

I am the best at every thing they've given me to do and you think these ass holes care? No! won't even give a bitch health care and I know that shits illegal.

I sure hope Bryman calls me back. I will for definite take that job. And be happy as pie with not having to work in the stupid ass placement department.


Enough of the mad ass ranting.

I'm bouts to go to dinner with kaos and then rickroc says he's going to come "kick it" tonight.....we'll see.

"The finger that pulls the trigger"

ok, so the thing is that I want to jump off something. a big rock and just say forget it. These men I have been dealing with have been making me straight up crazy. I think they think it's fun!

I'm through with MC his ass has not called me since LORD knows when.

I'm through with Rickroc, now that I remember a little more things that happened at the pool party, he's really not worth my time.

I'm through with Catchacase, the boy works at FatBurger.



I met a new group of "folks-that-are-trying-to-drive-me-crazy".

*Anthony-this tall ass guy, that was sexy as I don't know.

*Al-this guy, I used to talk to talk to five years ago.

*Kaos-this older guy, I met at the club.

*Adam-this Ethopian guy that I met at the club.

*Tom-this guy from Lousiana that's chillen in Cali until the 18th.

ummm is it me?

is it me?

am i the one that attracts all these crazies?

I think I need to be demagnitized or somethin!

these niggs are on one.

MC called me talking about, while you're out of town, you need to give me your keys, so I can have a party. What the...?

When Mc's balls get big enough, when his voice get deep enough, when he get the shit to be able to ask me some shit like that? This nigga is crazy.

Then he gone laugh and say I was just playin. No you ain't.


More reason for me to become a hermit. Straight up.

What-ever

I had two whatever momments in the last twenty-four hours.

1. yesterday when I got home from Muq'a graduation, there was a message from MC that went something like:
"Hey, girl I've been trying to catch up with you.(no he hasn't).I tried calling your cellphone but I guess it's disconnected. So when you get this give me a call."

I, in return, leave him this message:
"Hey MC this is Jenny, I got your message and I was calling you back, but like always you're not answering your phone so do whatever when you get this."

2. Mr. Welch is actin all attitudinal because I'm at work IMing him and I didn't have the time to stop and chat with him. So I told him Whatever.


What's with men? Why I can't even get with the asking.

MC update

So I talked to MC yesterday as well.
Me: hey.

Him: Hey, precious how are you?

Me: fine. Just figured you lost interest.

Him: no, i just been on some whole other shit.

Me: ok?

Him: my G-pops died last week.

Me (feeling like the biggest ass hole ever): OHmygod, I'm so sorry that happened to you.

Him: yeah, I been trying to get my mind right.

Me: well, I'll let you go.

him: you at home?

Me: yeah.

Him: I'll hit you up later then.

Me: yeah right.

Him: You prolly never'll believe me anymore. I've been awful to you.

Me: yeah welll talk to you...

Him: yeah.

He didn't call me back.

MC

So I met MC in December. He's tall, dark skin, in shape, nice legs, handsome, beautiful teeth, always looks nice, well dressed, smells nice, a sincere gentleman, has his own car, shares an apartment with a friend of his.

When we finally worked into our schedules to go out on our first date. We met outside his apartment building. He wore a blue button down shirt and jeans, smelled sweeter than a plate of yams with extra syrup, and I couldn't stop kool-aid smiling. We left in his car and took "the long way" to the resturant.
We had plenty to talk about, we giggled and walked along Long Beach Pier, all was Love. We got back to my car and he gave me sweetest kisses I've ever known. I was smitten.

Our second and third dates all followed suite. He became my main frame. Every weekend he and I had something planned. We were on our way somewhere.

Then finally one night he came over, We watched DVD's , we laughed at my daughter (yes I even let him met my Baby), I cooked (Jumbalaya, and spicy chicken...my I'm trying to get some meal), and once My was asleep, he and I began kissing. He rubbed his smooth hands all over and me and eventually he had me hummmmmming, bitting my own lips, and popping my toes. I mean I was sucking my thumb with just my panties on the next morning.

A few more timeless weekend dates later he tells me that he has to move all the way to San Fransissyco.

My heart was, I mean is, as in the current tense as well, broken.

For the first weeks it was cool. I saw him basically every weekend so it was as if he hadn't went anywhere.

Then we stopped talking regularly.

Then we stopped seeing each other regularly.

Now we haven't seen each other in two months.

He didn't even call me on Mother's day.

Two days ago I call him on his cell and come to find out he's been in Cali since Thursday and has not called me. As a matter of fact he's been in cali since thurday, has not called me and could possibly be planning to stay in southern Cali.

I don't even get a telephone call. I'm hurt. I'm thru wit it.

I'm going to become a hermit.

Rickroc.

Can you believe this crazy ass called me at 3:17 am? He's says "it was just to say 'what's up'"....what the? Yeah so he works the night shift and feels like everyone else she be awake when he is.

I don't know about this one. He's um...um...different.

First off, I don't really like buff guys and trust me, if there's one thing that Rickroc is, is buff. He played football in high school and college and he works out just about everyday to "keep himself up".

Second, he's one of those "talk on the phone guys". He's always on the phone. When we met I felt like we were in high school again, he talked to me until almost three in the morning one night. Of course, when he comes by his phone is ringing off the hook as well...I haven't detected any female phone calls in front of me yet but I'm sure I'm not the only "breezie" even though he swears I am...not in those exact terms but you understand.

Thirdly, he's so serious about this. He expects that when I say "I'm going to call you back when I get out of the bathtub" that as soon as I'm out the tub I'm going to call him. Or when I text him jokingly saying "you suck" he leaves me a four minute message complaining about how I "treat" him. Maybe it's me not taking this relationship seriously as he does. Maybe I don't veiw it as indepth as he does. Maybe I should Let Him Go.

Lastly, because of my relationship with Rickroc I have lost my best friend. Gumbee and I have been friends since 1999. We met at my birthday party when a drunk me just walked up to him and started talking. We've been "best buds" ever since. We went to the club together. We'd treat each other to dinner. We'd have each other over each others houses. Our Mom's knew one another. We were tight. When I told Gumbee I had me this new guy, he was geeked for me, but he flipflopped when i gave him Rickrocs full name. Trip this, they've been friends for a while and have even played on the same football teams. As first Gumbee seemed cool he just says 'Rickroc's a cool guy' but just last week I called him and he told me "Why you calling me you bored?" I am so hurt. But if Gumbee wanted us to be more than what we were he had OHtoomany chances to take it there. So alas we aren't tight anymore.

I spoke to Rickroc when I got out the tub and when I had finished talking to MC (Who I'm truely falling for) and he's like I said ...different. I like him though. maybe I should focus all my energy into to him?

naaaa