Friday was so much fun.
I ended up wearing this bohemian inspired, blue, purple, white, black, gold printed, off the shoulder mini dress with a black wide band belt that fit just under the breast, and my knee black high boots. I’m wearing my hair with swooped to the side bangs and big curls all over…so the out fit all sort of "fit" together.
*****
Vh1 was supposed to go with me…but in his true Libra-esque anti-social style he flipped the script on me and didn’t go. He went on a run with his uncle instead….so I went to another social event ALONE. Sigh. Well at least I was cute.
I told him through drunken sobbing tears Saturday morning that it hurt my feelings that he didn’t want to go with me. I told him I love him so much that I want to share him with other people…he said that he never looked at it that way and he’d work on it. I believe him.
******
At the party, I found three of my friends who came to the event coupled up but through liquor induced bad girl-ness decided we head out girls only" to hit up the after hours, just us four girls.
I’ll tell you something about Belizean folks…Those heffas can party! It was 5 a.m. when I left because my feet hurt and I could barely hold my eyes open and I was already beginning to have a hangover, so who knows what time the other three left.
I got home safe, passed out across my unmade bed and slept for a few hours, threw up, and all was well.
You know those jokes folks send through email…. "You know how you know you’re old" well I know I’m old because my bank put a hold on my Debit card because they thought the late night bar charges were out of character and thought someone had stole my card!!!
LOL so sad.
*****
I took my daughter and my little cousin to see Coraline on Saturday…its scary. Like not just for the kids…for me too.
******
Then I took the girlies to Hometown Buffet…..(my cousins Bri’s girlfriend had given me some "kids eat free" coupons …) and Let me tell you….their barbeque is the bizness!!!! Me and the girls sat there for almost 45 minutes stuffing our faces….LOL. No wonder I need to loose this extra 20 pounds!!! Damn barbeque.
******
Why is it so windy here in Cali today? The wind is blowing like crazy…good thing I got the messy big curls hair today.
******
I had a pretty tough morning this morning…. I left my cell phone at home…I broke two fingernails!!!…My skin is super dry…. This stupid V05 hair spray is making me flaky! And I have on a black shirt…I burned the top of my mouth with my coffee and something’s wrong with one of my rims so it keeps making my tire pressure low.
*****
I still haven’t found anyone to pick up MY and keep her for less than 30 minutes a day…not since my father bitched out on me…pulled his same life tricks … sigh….life is so difficult when you’re having fun.
** ****
I will be eating Pho today for lunch….if you don’t know about Vietnamese noodles you better get in the game!
** ****
Please somebody tell CrazyC to stop calling me asking me when are he and I going to have a baby.....lol the boy is a mess...
******
Funny story about my daughter: last night vh1, MY and I went to CVS. While I paid for the goods, MY and Vh1 pretended to do the tango… they danced all around him twirling and spinning her like she was a little princess. I loved it. The two people I love loving each other….I wish I had a camera with me. I love the fact he could careless how silly he looked he just wanted her to smile.
Once we got into the car, MY kept asking me if I was ok. She asked me three times before I really realized she was asking me the same question over and over. Finally I ask her "Why are you asking me am I ok?" She says "I just wanted to know if you were jealous over how me and Vh1 were dancing…" Vh1 and I laughed with surprise. She says "Yeah maybe next time you should dance with him like me."
My kid is crazy.
Showing posts with label Crazyc. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Crazyc. Show all posts
Monday, March 23, 2009
Tuesday, October 07, 2008
* raising one eye brow, giving the "oh shit look*
crazyc has been calling me.
at first it was flattering to me to. i thought...awwww he realizes that he lost a goood thing.
then it got to be a little frustrating because he'd choose to call me at odd times.
now he calls me...everyday.
i've tried, to be polite and suggest that we discontinue our friendship.
i've told him about vh1. i've explained that i am not intrested. i've remained firm that nothing is going to happen. i've try to be cordial.
he text me things like "whenever you two break up, maybe we could make a baby."
I 've done the cussing him out thing. I've done the ignoring the phone calls thing.
it's getting to be a problem.
vh1 is begining to question the hang up calls and the not answering the cellphone and the late night phone calls and erasing my messages quickly (yes, I have an answering machine)....Imean this behavior looks suspicious! it's what we lady's get buck wit niggas about.
he never questions me on anything i do...really cause i haven't done nothing! (very un like myself)
well this he questioned me about. SO I told him what was what.
Welll.... i told him what he needed to know. that i dated this guy off and on in my previous life and that we broke up months ago and that he won't stop calling me.
then he says, "where does he live?"
I didn't respond.
he says "If you want I could talk to him."
I say, "I got it."
he says, " you sure?"
I say, "I got it."
He says, "what does he say when he calls you?
I say, "nuthin much. I guess he's kinda lonely."
he says, "well what does he say?"
I say, "nuthing really. he's not disrespectful or anything..." (why when I spell respect I sing the song in my head first?)
he says, "I'll let you try to handle it; but when you're ready to get it solved let me know. We could have a conversation."
it made me look at him with a sharp eye....what's behind those tight-eyes that I don't know about. he smiled and then kissed me...but I didn't kiss him back.
hmmmmm...... the plot thickens....
at first it was flattering to me to. i thought...awwww he realizes that he lost a goood thing.
then it got to be a little frustrating because he'd choose to call me at odd times.
now he calls me...everyday.
i've tried, to be polite and suggest that we discontinue our friendship.
i've told him about vh1. i've explained that i am not intrested. i've remained firm that nothing is going to happen. i've try to be cordial.
he text me things like "whenever you two break up, maybe we could make a baby."
I 've done the cussing him out thing. I've done the ignoring the phone calls thing.
it's getting to be a problem.
vh1 is begining to question the hang up calls and the not answering the cellphone and the late night phone calls and erasing my messages quickly (yes, I have an answering machine)....Imean this behavior looks suspicious! it's what we lady's get buck wit niggas about.
he never questions me on anything i do...really cause i haven't done nothing! (very un like myself)
well this he questioned me about. SO I told him what was what.
Welll.... i told him what he needed to know. that i dated this guy off and on in my previous life and that we broke up months ago and that he won't stop calling me.
then he says, "where does he live?"
I didn't respond.
he says "If you want I could talk to him."
I say, "I got it."
he says, " you sure?"
I say, "I got it."
He says, "what does he say when he calls you?
I say, "nuthin much. I guess he's kinda lonely."
he says, "well what does he say?"
I say, "nuthing really. he's not disrespectful or anything..." (why when I spell respect I sing the song in my head first?)
he says, "I'll let you try to handle it; but when you're ready to get it solved let me know. We could have a conversation."
it made me look at him with a sharp eye....what's behind those tight-eyes that I don't know about. he smiled and then kissed me...but I didn't kiss him back.
hmmmmm...... the plot thickens....
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
burning bridges.
ok, so yesterday morning I got a text from barbershop. I wasn't going to respond; But I do realize that I did just drop him....I dropped everyone. I didn't even share my last exchange with crazyc... It was truely crazy...that's a post all on it's own!!!! But I have really dissed all my old hoes....lol...naw, my old flings....lol...naw, my old harmen....lol...yall know what I mean.
On my lunch he called me, he wanted to know if we could go out for a drink. I said sure.
After work, he sent me a text message saying he was on his way.
We went to that little bar on the corner from my house...had a drink.
then to this other bar up the street....there was some whack mariache band playing.
then to this other bar on Market.... watched the olympics.
then to this old folks bar around the corner. there was kareokee (sp?!)I wanted to sing Tina Marie "Out on a Limb" my Karokee song....but barbershop didn't believe in my skills. so I decided not to.
then we went to Carl's jr. he told me that's why I'm getting fat....I am. So I couldn't even front on him. then we sat in his car eating carl's jr.
he tried to kiss me. i didn't succum.
I reminded him of our new type of relationship: he told me that he doesn't understand how i could just diss him, I felt like high school... like i was being talked into sex. i didn't succum....wasn't even close.
I told him that he knew what was up before i even said i'd go have a drink with him.
he said he knew but thought mabe he could change my mind....silly rabbit!
i told him...."maybe another lifetime?....another day?".....
he looked at me cold faced. no expression.
i opened the door, smiled.....and said"i don't get anymore days, huh?" .
he didn't say anything.
he drove off before i got up the stairs....
On my lunch he called me, he wanted to know if we could go out for a drink. I said sure.
After work, he sent me a text message saying he was on his way.
We went to that little bar on the corner from my house...had a drink.
then to this other bar up the street....there was some whack mariache band playing.
then to this other bar on Market.... watched the olympics.
then to this old folks bar around the corner. there was kareokee (sp?!)I wanted to sing Tina Marie "Out on a Limb" my Karokee song....but barbershop didn't believe in my skills. so I decided not to.
then we went to Carl's jr. he told me that's why I'm getting fat....I am. So I couldn't even front on him. then we sat in his car eating carl's jr.
he tried to kiss me. i didn't succum.
I reminded him of our new type of relationship: he told me that he doesn't understand how i could just diss him, I felt like high school... like i was being talked into sex. i didn't succum....wasn't even close.
I told him that he knew what was up before i even said i'd go have a drink with him.
he said he knew but thought mabe he could change my mind....silly rabbit!
i told him...."maybe another lifetime?....another day?".....
he looked at me cold faced. no expression.
i opened the door, smiled.....and said"i don't get anymore days, huh?" .
he didn't say anything.
he drove off before i got up the stairs....
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
how'd I end up here? my work history.
Starting when I was 13:
my first job was a parttime tutor at a community center (where i met crazyc...)
my second job was at an elementary school as a teaching assistant, part time.
my third job was at the same place the next summer as a camp helper, part time.
my fourth job was at the same place the next summer as a camp leader, part time.
i was a member of this teen group (sponsored by a very popular Sorority), the teen leader favored me and knew my family needed some extra $. She was the secretary of the chamber of commerce so she offered me my fifth job, a partime position at the chamber of commerce as a receptionist at the mall.
After the summer was over, the job as a camp leader was over. But the position as a receptionist at the mall continued through the school year.
The President of the chamber of commerce liked me so she offered me my sixth job at her federally funded teen pregnancy prevention program, as a health educator.
During Christmas season of the 12th grade I got my seventh job (through the newspaper, my very first interview) as a sales rep at Express clohting. They kept me on part time after Christmas. but I ended up quitting when the President of the chamber of commerce offered me a full time position as a Manager at the pregnancy prevention program.
while working as a health educator, i went to school to get a certificate as a pharmacy technician. it was a bad choice financially, since i am still paying off those stupid high priced loans...but it set me up for later in life.
once i finished my 8 month certificate program, I quit my job as a health educator...actually I just never went back.
i started working at my eighth job as a pharm tech at a hospital, per diem and on weekends....
then i got offered my ninth job, a full time pharmacy techncian at another hospital, so i worked at both hospitals for about two months, then i quit the per diem job and stuck with the full time job. after working with the 2nd hospital for two years. i quit.
after two months of joblessness, i got my tenth job with two staffing agencies. they placed pharmacy staff at different hospitals or pharmacies when they needed additional staff...so i worked at SEVERAL pharmacies and hospitals across Los Angeles. the whole time i worked for the staffing agency, i was applying an interviewing for pharmacies at different places.
The hospital i was positioned in my last month of pregnancy granted me medical leave for 6 weeks exactly. when my doctor extended my pregancy leave beyond 6 weeks, the hospital gave away my position. the staffing agency then didn't have any new open positions.
so once again i was jobless. new baby and all!
for four months this time. no job.
two weeks before my unemployment was about to run out i got a call from a placed i'd applied for six months before. it was for a pharmacy technician instructor for a pharmacy technician school. I went in, interviewed, took the test and started working my eleventh job the next week. i worked partime and i hated it....at first.
i talked to the owner of the school and she transfered me to a campus that was closer to home but still far...and I was still partime.
I got a second job working at a closed care pharmacy-my twelth job (preparing drugs for nursing homes). I hated it. I told my boss at the school I was working at that she needed to make me full time or I would quit. so she made me full time. I taught a class in the morning and worked in the office in the afternoon.
After a year, I realized the school would prolly close due to its lack of accreditation and needed an out quick. So I got another teaching pharmacy tecnician at a pharmacy technician school I worked there teaching two classes. the afternoon and night classes. This was my 13th job.
My boss at the 2nd school quit and i got offered her position. so i worked as the program director and a teacher for about six months. then I quit and I got the sales position I have now.
NOW, I'm in my fourteenth job.
I sale drugs to pharmacies. I am who Walgreens buy's from. I love my job and hate my job at the same time. I feel like this is definitely something I could do for the rest of my life....but I constantly question, who's life am I living?
When I was younger I wanted to be in the BIZ. A singer, a dancer an actress. and now I'm a sales analyst.
Who hoo! It pays the bills.
my first job was a parttime tutor at a community center (where i met crazyc...)
my second job was at an elementary school as a teaching assistant, part time.
my third job was at the same place the next summer as a camp helper, part time.
my fourth job was at the same place the next summer as a camp leader, part time.
i was a member of this teen group (sponsored by a very popular Sorority), the teen leader favored me and knew my family needed some extra $. She was the secretary of the chamber of commerce so she offered me my fifth job, a partime position at the chamber of commerce as a receptionist at the mall.
After the summer was over, the job as a camp leader was over. But the position as a receptionist at the mall continued through the school year.
The President of the chamber of commerce liked me so she offered me my sixth job at her federally funded teen pregnancy prevention program, as a health educator.
During Christmas season of the 12th grade I got my seventh job (through the newspaper, my very first interview) as a sales rep at Express clohting. They kept me on part time after Christmas. but I ended up quitting when the President of the chamber of commerce offered me a full time position as a Manager at the pregnancy prevention program.
while working as a health educator, i went to school to get a certificate as a pharmacy technician. it was a bad choice financially, since i am still paying off those stupid high priced loans...but it set me up for later in life.
once i finished my 8 month certificate program, I quit my job as a health educator...actually I just never went back.
i started working at my eighth job as a pharm tech at a hospital, per diem and on weekends....
then i got offered my ninth job, a full time pharmacy techncian at another hospital, so i worked at both hospitals for about two months, then i quit the per diem job and stuck with the full time job. after working with the 2nd hospital for two years. i quit.
after two months of joblessness, i got my tenth job with two staffing agencies. they placed pharmacy staff at different hospitals or pharmacies when they needed additional staff...so i worked at SEVERAL pharmacies and hospitals across Los Angeles. the whole time i worked for the staffing agency, i was applying an interviewing for pharmacies at different places.
The hospital i was positioned in my last month of pregnancy granted me medical leave for 6 weeks exactly. when my doctor extended my pregancy leave beyond 6 weeks, the hospital gave away my position. the staffing agency then didn't have any new open positions.
so once again i was jobless. new baby and all!
for four months this time. no job.
two weeks before my unemployment was about to run out i got a call from a placed i'd applied for six months before. it was for a pharmacy technician instructor for a pharmacy technician school. I went in, interviewed, took the test and started working my eleventh job the next week. i worked partime and i hated it....at first.
i talked to the owner of the school and she transfered me to a campus that was closer to home but still far...and I was still partime.
I got a second job working at a closed care pharmacy-my twelth job (preparing drugs for nursing homes). I hated it. I told my boss at the school I was working at that she needed to make me full time or I would quit. so she made me full time. I taught a class in the morning and worked in the office in the afternoon.
After a year, I realized the school would prolly close due to its lack of accreditation and needed an out quick. So I got another teaching pharmacy tecnician at a pharmacy technician school I worked there teaching two classes. the afternoon and night classes. This was my 13th job.
My boss at the 2nd school quit and i got offered her position. so i worked as the program director and a teacher for about six months. then I quit and I got the sales position I have now.
NOW, I'm in my fourteenth job.
I sale drugs to pharmacies. I am who Walgreens buy's from. I love my job and hate my job at the same time. I feel like this is definitely something I could do for the rest of my life....but I constantly question, who's life am I living?
When I was younger I wanted to be in the BIZ. A singer, a dancer an actress. and now I'm a sales analyst.
Who hoo! It pays the bills.
Friday, August 08, 2008
Female of negotiable affection, a nice way to say hoe.
well stole this from Eb the Celeb....
If I were .....
a month: I would be May because because it’s warm the beginning of summer
a day of the week: Sunday.
a direction: WEST because you know I love LA
a historical figure: Lena Horne
a kind of weather: warm with a light breeze, just be fore the sunsets
an animal: a big lazy turtle
a flower: an orchid because it represents fertility or a bird of paradise
a color: pink
a sound: a whisper
an element: Silver
a song: "The sweetest thing" by Lauryn hill
a book: I'd be any book by Zane
a food: Spicy red sauce enchaladas
a place: the inside of a mouth
a material: Natural cotton
a taste: sweet
a scent: morning dew
a word: Infinite
an object: diamon
a body part: lips
a facial expression: naughty
a time of day: sunset
and something else I stole from Eb...
How many people have you kissed in 2008 that actually meant something?
I’m too ashamed to answer. Since I fall in love so easily.
Were you happy when you woke up today?
Of course, it’s another chance to turn it all around
Do you hate the last person you kissed?
I love him.
What are you listening to right now?
Noel Gordin #3 and #11 on repeat
Have you ever liked somebody and never told them?
Yes...stupid mistake.
What would I find if I looked UNDER your bed?
A mirror, a box full of papers, a jewlry box
What are you wearing?
Jean capris, orange top, gold sandals
Are you texting anyone right now?
Flores…..he says " Call it what you want, I got you. You’re mine forever"
Do you like anyone right now?
I like him. I love him. I feel made for him.
Have you ever kissed someone and never saw them again?
Yes….. I worked with him all summer and never told him I liked him. Then I saw him at a party and I kissed him the whole night long……. Never saw him again after that.
Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced?
I had it pierced, on night in the middle of the night by the mother of this puertorican guy I thought I'd marry. I had it two months....just about as long as our relationship.
What can't you wait for?To get off of work, this is the longest day ever.
Have your parents ever smoked?
No.
Do you want someone back in your life?
Yes. Sadly that will never happen.
Who was the last person who called you?
My cousin Cam, it's his birthday today. He wants to go out.
Are you good at giving directions?
Yes
Would your parents be mad if you got pregnant /got someone pregnant?
Nope….my parents would be elated! They’d probably pay to have me have another one.
Rent a movie or go to movies?
Rent a movie. Snuggle time!
What did you eat last?
Chow mein and teriakyi chicken
Has anyone told you they missed you lately?
Yes…. Crazyc , he tells me that every other day….
Is your ex still in your life as a friend?
Yes! All of the them! CrazyC, Barbershop, Flores, MrWonderful. Why not keep them all?
Are you wearing any clothes that don't belong to you?
Hell no.
Would you ever steal someones boyfriend or girlfriend?
No….What goes around comes around
Mountains or the beach?
beach
When was the last time you cried?
Last night.
Who's someone you miss?
My mom…. She lives way in Florida
How many times have you been in love?
Awwww I’m in love with love…. So who knows.
How many times have you had your heart broken?
Many a time!
Do you hate people who are obsessed with things like High School Musical, Hannah Montana, and The Jonas Brothers?
I have a 5 year old….I live High School Musical, Hannah Montana, and the Jonas Brothers.
Have you ever spread a rumor about someone?
Yes… I wouldn’t even lie.
Did you French kiss before you were 16?
Yes….first kiss was in the 7th grade Demond Taylor. A dark skin tall black boy with green eyes….sigh.
Who is the first person you think of when someone asks you who you like?
Vh1
Have you ever liked someone who all your friends hate?
No… they’re usually just happy to see me with someone longer than a month.
Do you prefer to call or text someone?
Either or… I love attention.
Were you bad in high school?
I was a good girl.
Would you take any of your ex's back?
Yes.
Do you cry over girls/boys?
Yes. Openly and in public, I am not afraid of my feelings.
At what age did you start noticing the opposite gender?
I had a boyfriend in Kindergarten.
Are you happy with your love situation?
Um… almost.
Last boy/girl to hurt you?
Well CrazyC is in a constant battle with himself on how to hurt me more each day….but I’d say MrWonderful was the worst offender recently.
Would you fail your drug and alcohol test?
No….I don’t do drugs.
Who's your favorite person to cuddle with?
Vh1. And MY of course!
If I were .....
a month: I would be May because because it’s warm the beginning of summer
a day of the week: Sunday.
a direction: WEST because you know I love LA
a historical figure: Lena Horne
a kind of weather: warm with a light breeze, just be fore the sunsets
an animal: a big lazy turtle
a flower: an orchid because it represents fertility or a bird of paradise
a color: pink
a sound: a whisper
an element: Silver
a song: "The sweetest thing" by Lauryn hill
a book: I'd be any book by Zane
a food: Spicy red sauce enchaladas
a place: the inside of a mouth
a material: Natural cotton
a taste: sweet
a scent: morning dew
a word: Infinite
an object: diamon
a body part: lips
a facial expression: naughty
a time of day: sunset
and something else I stole from Eb...
How many people have you kissed in 2008 that actually meant something?
I’m too ashamed to answer. Since I fall in love so easily.
Were you happy when you woke up today?
Of course, it’s another chance to turn it all around
Do you hate the last person you kissed?
I love him.
What are you listening to right now?
Noel Gordin #3 and #11 on repeat
Have you ever liked somebody and never told them?
Yes...stupid mistake.
What would I find if I looked UNDER your bed?
A mirror, a box full of papers, a jewlry box
What are you wearing?
Jean capris, orange top, gold sandals
Are you texting anyone right now?
Flores…..he says " Call it what you want, I got you. You’re mine forever"
Do you like anyone right now?
I like him. I love him. I feel made for him.
Have you ever kissed someone and never saw them again?
Yes….. I worked with him all summer and never told him I liked him. Then I saw him at a party and I kissed him the whole night long……. Never saw him again after that.
Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced?
I had it pierced, on night in the middle of the night by the mother of this puertorican guy I thought I'd marry. I had it two months....just about as long as our relationship.
What can't you wait for?To get off of work, this is the longest day ever.
Have your parents ever smoked?
No.
Do you want someone back in your life?
Yes. Sadly that will never happen.
Who was the last person who called you?
My cousin Cam, it's his birthday today. He wants to go out.
Are you good at giving directions?
Yes
Would your parents be mad if you got pregnant /got someone pregnant?
Nope….my parents would be elated! They’d probably pay to have me have another one.
Rent a movie or go to movies?
Rent a movie. Snuggle time!
What did you eat last?
Chow mein and teriakyi chicken
Has anyone told you they missed you lately?
Yes…. Crazyc , he tells me that every other day….
Is your ex still in your life as a friend?
Yes! All of the them! CrazyC, Barbershop, Flores, MrWonderful. Why not keep them all?
Are you wearing any clothes that don't belong to you?
Hell no.
Would you ever steal someones boyfriend or girlfriend?
No….What goes around comes around
Mountains or the beach?
beach
When was the last time you cried?
Last night.
Who's someone you miss?
My mom…. She lives way in Florida
How many times have you been in love?
Awwww I’m in love with love…. So who knows.
How many times have you had your heart broken?
Many a time!
Do you hate people who are obsessed with things like High School Musical, Hannah Montana, and The Jonas Brothers?
I have a 5 year old….I live High School Musical, Hannah Montana, and the Jonas Brothers.
Have you ever spread a rumor about someone?
Yes… I wouldn’t even lie.
Did you French kiss before you were 16?
Yes….first kiss was in the 7th grade Demond Taylor. A dark skin tall black boy with green eyes….sigh.
Who is the first person you think of when someone asks you who you like?
Vh1
Have you ever liked someone who all your friends hate?
No… they’re usually just happy to see me with someone longer than a month.
Do you prefer to call or text someone?
Either or… I love attention.
Were you bad in high school?
I was a good girl.
Would you take any of your ex's back?
Yes.
Do you cry over girls/boys?
Yes. Openly and in public, I am not afraid of my feelings.
At what age did you start noticing the opposite gender?
I had a boyfriend in Kindergarten.
Are you happy with your love situation?
Um… almost.
Last boy/girl to hurt you?
Well CrazyC is in a constant battle with himself on how to hurt me more each day….but I’d say MrWonderful was the worst offender recently.
Would you fail your drug and alcohol test?
No….I don’t do drugs.
Who's your favorite person to cuddle with?
Vh1. And MY of course!
Monday, April 28, 2008
unfinished business. an unfinished poem
Here we are again our bodies entertwined; My hand on your body and your hands on mine.
Sexy noises escape, us as we roll carelessly; allowing our limbs to hang Freely.
Unrestricted by matters of time or consequence; Uninhibited by our circumstance.
This is how it always should have been; the two of locked together in interal sin.
The light from a window reminds me of a younger us; we we didn't have reason to fuss.
An us of yester-year. An us of another time another place. How did we get here?
You're saying something to me but I choose to not listen.
Vocabulary is not necessary for what I'm tryna show you. Where I want to take you.
Let you know I always loved you. Always been here for you.
Never strayed.
I've been the background to some many of your projects. I Would've stayed that way for ever.
Put one hundred and fifteen in for you. Would have thrown it all away just for you and me. You keep trying make me hear what your saying but I'm choosing not listen.
Sexy noises escape, us as we roll carelessly; allowing our limbs to hang Freely.
Unrestricted by matters of time or consequence; Uninhibited by our circumstance.
This is how it always should have been; the two of locked together in interal sin.
The light from a window reminds me of a younger us; we we didn't have reason to fuss.
An us of yester-year. An us of another time another place. How did we get here?
You're saying something to me but I choose to not listen.
Vocabulary is not necessary for what I'm tryna show you. Where I want to take you.
Let you know I always loved you. Always been here for you.
Never strayed.
I've been the background to some many of your projects. I Would've stayed that way for ever.
Put one hundred and fifteen in for you. Would have thrown it all away just for you and me. You keep trying make me hear what your saying but I'm choosing not listen.
Random Conversations...
Lets play a game. I will write a series of far out conversations that I have had in the last day or so and you will need to guess who the hell I was talking to.....ready ok lets go.
oh yeah, WARNING: my conversations are often blatantly adult in nature.
Guess who I was talking to:
convo #1.
XXX: Did you kiss him?
me: yes.
XXX: Did you do it to him?
me: no.
XXX: why?
me: wasn't really attracted to him like that.
XXX: yeah....
me: no seriously. i felt guilty.
XXX: why?
me: cause I was taking things from him and not really intrested in him.
XXX: did you at least let him eat you out?
me: no...
XXX: why?
me: told you wasn't feeling him.
XXX: if was me, you would've at least let me do that right?
ok guess....
and the answer is:
crazyc....my ex-boyfriend. please click on labels for the back story. Man, the relationship between he and I, toggles between heated lust, my bestfriend in the entire world, to the person who frustrates me the most that I'd like to stab violently in a heated fit of rage.
Convo #2.
XX2: So I know your birthday is coming up.
me: yeah
XX2: you'll be 26, right?
me: yep.
xx2: man, you're getting old.
me: excuse me.
XX2: *****(nickname I hate) why you trippin?
me: don't call me *****
xx2: oh, yeah you hate that. you used to like it.
me: never.
xx2: ok. I'm sorry.
me: yep you are.
xx2: (laughs) well what you doing on your birthday?
me: well I took the day off. Having lunch with Flores in the morning then afterwards I don't know.
xx2: well, if you don't mind, I'd like to take you out for a drink or something.
me: huh.
xx2: that's if you have no plans.
me: (complete silence; due to the fact that I'd thrown up in my mouth a little)
ok, guess...
and the answer is....
My daughters father.... this conversation ended in my cussin him the hell out.
convo #3
me: hey you. what you doing?
XX3: driving to work. how was your party?
me: fun... too much fun.
xx3: sweetness. I am so sorry I couldn't make it. I promise we can do anything you want to do for your actual birthday...the 6th right?
me: (laughs) ok.
xx3: anything for real. what ever. where ever.
me: I'll hold you to it.
xx3: please do.
me: how was vegas?
xx3: great. i didn't win anything. but got some tight shit done to the car. i'ma bring it by let you see. i got sun burned that sucked.
me: sunburned? you didn't put nothing on?!
xx3: naw, babe I didn't have no body to put that shit on me.
me: did you put something on it today...like hydrcortisone so you it doesn't get infected
xx3: no. I told you I don't know bout that shit.
me: it's your face!
xx3: I know babe, next time I'm take you wit me so you can do it... you know i gotta be babied.
me: whatever you need sweetie.
xx3: youa put some sun screen on me?
me: hell yeah. I love that face.
xx3: (got real quiet. waited about 30 seconds) I love you.
me: yep.
xx3: I just get a 'yep'
me: well you already know that I love you.
xx3: i forgot...you gotta remind me.
me: I love you everday, every second, just like I breathe.
xx3: damn. I know it too.
ok, guess......
and the answer is....
Flores.
oh yeah, WARNING: my conversations are often blatantly adult in nature.
Guess who I was talking to:
convo #1.
XXX: Did you kiss him?
me: yes.
XXX: Did you do it to him?
me: no.
XXX: why?
me: wasn't really attracted to him like that.
XXX: yeah....
me: no seriously. i felt guilty.
XXX: why?
me: cause I was taking things from him and not really intrested in him.
XXX: did you at least let him eat you out?
me: no...
XXX: why?
me: told you wasn't feeling him.
XXX: if was me, you would've at least let me do that right?
ok guess....
and the answer is:
crazyc....my ex-boyfriend. please click on labels for the back story. Man, the relationship between he and I, toggles between heated lust, my bestfriend in the entire world, to the person who frustrates me the most that I'd like to stab violently in a heated fit of rage.
Convo #2.
XX2: So I know your birthday is coming up.
me: yeah
XX2: you'll be 26, right?
me: yep.
xx2: man, you're getting old.
me: excuse me.
XX2: *****(nickname I hate) why you trippin?
me: don't call me *****
xx2: oh, yeah you hate that. you used to like it.
me: never.
xx2: ok. I'm sorry.
me: yep you are.
xx2: (laughs) well what you doing on your birthday?
me: well I took the day off. Having lunch with Flores in the morning then afterwards I don't know.
xx2: well, if you don't mind, I'd like to take you out for a drink or something.
me: huh.
xx2: that's if you have no plans.
me: (complete silence; due to the fact that I'd thrown up in my mouth a little)
ok, guess...
and the answer is....
My daughters father.... this conversation ended in my cussin him the hell out.
convo #3
me: hey you. what you doing?
XX3: driving to work. how was your party?
me: fun... too much fun.
xx3: sweetness. I am so sorry I couldn't make it. I promise we can do anything you want to do for your actual birthday...the 6th right?
me: (laughs) ok.
xx3: anything for real. what ever. where ever.
me: I'll hold you to it.
xx3: please do.
me: how was vegas?
xx3: great. i didn't win anything. but got some tight shit done to the car. i'ma bring it by let you see. i got sun burned that sucked.
me: sunburned? you didn't put nothing on?!
xx3: naw, babe I didn't have no body to put that shit on me.
me: did you put something on it today...like hydrcortisone so you it doesn't get infected
xx3: no. I told you I don't know bout that shit.
me: it's your face!
xx3: I know babe, next time I'm take you wit me so you can do it... you know i gotta be babied.
me: whatever you need sweetie.
xx3: youa put some sun screen on me?
me: hell yeah. I love that face.
xx3: (got real quiet. waited about 30 seconds) I love you.
me: yep.
xx3: I just get a 'yep'
me: well you already know that I love you.
xx3: i forgot...you gotta remind me.
me: I love you everday, every second, just like I breathe.
xx3: damn. I know it too.
ok, guess......
and the answer is....
Flores.
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Truth be told.
*I met mrniceynice one day when I’d taken my daughter to get some ice cream at coldstones (cookiedon’tyouwantsome), I walked out the store, hand in hand with MY and he drove past in his Tahoe looking very handsome (from the side). He spoke clearly. Didn’t try to "mack me up". He smiled, I saw the gap in his teeth, reminded me of Mr. Wonderful… he had a gap too. That night I spoke to him over the phone for hours. Great conversation. Funny. Warm. Attentive. The next day we went out for ice cream, back to the scene of the crime.
* He's a nice guy. I'm not trying to find anything wrong with him. I'm not trying to create a problem with him. I am just not necessarilly physically attracted to him per se. He's not my type. He's handsome; but he's just not my type. The more time I spend with him the more I like him. I just don't want to do "it" to him. It's not that there's anything at all wrong with him, I just don't have an immediate want to hump him. Like I could see my self being with him. We're a good pair...but I just don't know if I'd want to have babies with him? crazy...ehh...whatever!
* Barbershop called me this morning at 7:16am, we chatted. He then went on to inform me that he’s moving into the building directly across from me. His apartment would be the one that looks right into my front door. Can you hear the funereal music? I can ….my favorite color is pink yall, and I hate blush, don’t let em put blush on me.
*I’m having a party this weekend. It’s for my 27th birthday (which isn’t until the 6th but I’m going to prom on the 3rd …yeah prom {I’ll explain later}) and it’s also going away party for my home girl Kinkos. The home girl Tinez back out on the deal…trick (I say that with as much love as possible). My homegirl Eb is going to my hair and eyelashes. I don’t have a dress yet. I’ll get one by the end of the day. Stay tuned for photos...
* I’m going to a series that my Bishop is having called "The Levels of Love"… to be continued.
* Oh yeah a few posts ago I referred to my shoes as "platforms" I meant "wedge heels"!!! HA!
For my cuzo's party: She cried, we went to the resturant that he took her for their first date, we went to a club, a friend of mine brought us a round of drinks, got back in the stretch limo Navigator and I threw up. end.
* mynewlovepoem guy got a little miffed at me because i was drunk and didn't call him. we're done.
*i talked to bwood he's doing good.
*crazyc moved to Nevada but he's here in LA like every weekend.
*I'm planning a baby shower for my girl studios...the prettiest pregnant girl ever (besides me...cause I was fine)
* He's a nice guy. I'm not trying to find anything wrong with him. I'm not trying to create a problem with him. I am just not necessarilly physically attracted to him per se. He's not my type. He's handsome; but he's just not my type. The more time I spend with him the more I like him. I just don't want to do "it" to him. It's not that there's anything at all wrong with him, I just don't have an immediate want to hump him. Like I could see my self being with him. We're a good pair...but I just don't know if I'd want to have babies with him? crazy...ehh...whatever!
* Barbershop called me this morning at 7:16am, we chatted. He then went on to inform me that he’s moving into the building directly across from me. His apartment would be the one that looks right into my front door. Can you hear the funereal music? I can ….my favorite color is pink yall, and I hate blush, don’t let em put blush on me.
*I’m having a party this weekend. It’s for my 27th birthday (which isn’t until the 6th but I’m going to prom on the 3rd …yeah prom {I’ll explain later}) and it’s also going away party for my home girl Kinkos. The home girl Tinez back out on the deal…trick (I say that with as much love as possible). My homegirl Eb is going to my hair and eyelashes. I don’t have a dress yet. I’ll get one by the end of the day. Stay tuned for photos...
* I’m going to a series that my Bishop is having called "The Levels of Love"… to be continued.
* Oh yeah a few posts ago I referred to my shoes as "platforms" I meant "wedge heels"!!! HA!
For my cuzo's party: She cried, we went to the resturant that he took her for their first date, we went to a club, a friend of mine brought us a round of drinks, got back in the stretch limo Navigator and I threw up. end.
* mynewlovepoem guy got a little miffed at me because i was drunk and didn't call him. we're done.
*i talked to bwood he's doing good.
*crazyc moved to Nevada but he's here in LA like every weekend.
*I'm planning a baby shower for my girl studios...the prettiest pregnant girl ever (besides me...cause I was fine)
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Quickie. Updated.
1. my computer is trippin. it has some wierd virus.
2. went to vegas with kinkos and studios to celebrate their birthday....had a blast. Vegas is the only place you'll see a sign like this:
2. went to vegas with kinkos and studios to celebrate their birthday....had a blast. Vegas is the only place you'll see a sign like this:
3. crazyc is moving to Nevada. We had one last hoorah. you figure out what that means....
4. flores wrote this song for me. we're supposed to make a video for it. we'll see.
6. Barbershop is cool...I wanna hook kinkos up with his beautiful brother.
7. i am super hungry right now.
9.My next pay check is gonna be FAT.
10. i love you.
11. I left out a picture of this box of gum I have on my computer that says "I smoke crack and I vote" in the last post....it's behind my daughter's school photo....I'll add it on 2moro.
Update: Here's the photo!!!
Monday, March 03, 2008
um...wtf.
My computer is set trippin on me.
So as bad as I’ve been wanting to write, I think my computer has a virus… I’m devastated.
I’m going to have the hustle man take a look at it for me. Hope the diagnosis is not bad.
My weekend….The short Version.
Friday Afternoon.
Kinkos calls, she wants to keep MY the whole weekend so that she could keep the other two girls she was watching busy.
Decided to grab a drink with my home girl Stace to the "meat market" by the house.
Got a call from Barbershop saying he was at the "meat market"
Went to the "meat market" anyway.
Walked in, saw Bwood. Fear struck! Realized no need to worry. Bwood was sitting with a chunky chic.
Spotted the finest man I’d ever seen sitting across the bar. Juice sexy lips just finer than expensive china…. Gave him some flirty eyes, smiled, licked lips….let him know I was feeling him.
Went around the bar to say hello to Barbershop. The fine-man is his brother. DEAD!
Bwood sees me standing with Barbershop.
I texted him, he responded upset.
Daughter’s fathers girlfriend sees me wants to make converstation, like we’re friends. Gave her the "bitch I don’t give shit about you" face. It stunned her.
Went back to playing with the fellas.
Left the bar went to the reggae club.
Had breakfast with Barbershop and his beautiful brother.
Saturday.
Lunch with Crazyc. He’s moving away. To another state. Sigh
Saturday night.
Went out for drinks with Stace, we went to a club full of pinks. It was cool but I had to go.
Met a cool ass Mexican dude.
Saturday morning.
Barbershop tells me that Bwood saw him at a club that night and asked him how he know his "girl"
Barbershop stayed cool and just told him he knew me from his salon.
Bwood won’t return your girls calls… LOL.
Saturday noon.
Lunch with Kinkos and the girls. Kinkos admits she lost my child at the mall. Had to have the security find her. Could you imagine? I’d hafta shank her.
Saturday afternoon.
Went for a drive with Flores in the pretty red car, with the top down. Brought some ice cream. Sat on my porch and watched the sunset.
So as bad as I’ve been wanting to write, I think my computer has a virus… I’m devastated.
I’m going to have the hustle man take a look at it for me. Hope the diagnosis is not bad.
My weekend….The short Version.
Friday Afternoon.
Kinkos calls, she wants to keep MY the whole weekend so that she could keep the other two girls she was watching busy.
Decided to grab a drink with my home girl Stace to the "meat market" by the house.
Got a call from Barbershop saying he was at the "meat market"
Went to the "meat market" anyway.
Walked in, saw Bwood. Fear struck! Realized no need to worry. Bwood was sitting with a chunky chic.
Spotted the finest man I’d ever seen sitting across the bar. Juice sexy lips just finer than expensive china…. Gave him some flirty eyes, smiled, licked lips….let him know I was feeling him.
Went around the bar to say hello to Barbershop. The fine-man is his brother. DEAD!
Bwood sees me standing with Barbershop.
I texted him, he responded upset.
Daughter’s fathers girlfriend sees me wants to make converstation, like we’re friends. Gave her the "bitch I don’t give shit about you" face. It stunned her.
Went back to playing with the fellas.
Left the bar went to the reggae club.
Had breakfast with Barbershop and his beautiful brother.
Saturday.
Lunch with Crazyc. He’s moving away. To another state. Sigh
Saturday night.
Went out for drinks with Stace, we went to a club full of pinks. It was cool but I had to go.
Met a cool ass Mexican dude.
Saturday morning.
Barbershop tells me that Bwood saw him at a club that night and asked him how he know his "girl"
Barbershop stayed cool and just told him he knew me from his salon.
Bwood won’t return your girls calls… LOL.
Saturday noon.
Lunch with Kinkos and the girls. Kinkos admits she lost my child at the mall. Had to have the security find her. Could you imagine? I’d hafta shank her.
Saturday afternoon.
Went for a drive with Flores in the pretty red car, with the top down. Brought some ice cream. Sat on my porch and watched the sunset.
Monday, January 14, 2008
warm delights....ummmm
ok, so i lied no new post followed for the weekend...
but; seriously i got home from church yesterday, walked into the house and i swear i thought i was going to faint. suddenly i was dizzy, i felt naueous, my head started pounding and spinning and i felt sweat on my brow (i've always wanted to refer to my big ole forehead as my "brow") then i felt like i had to lay down immediately. my head hurt horribly. it felt like the light from outside was going to cause my head to explode. i took some motrin and passed out in the middle of the livingroom floor since that was the only place that i could find (i broke my bed that morning...another story for another day...no...get your minds out of the gutter...) when i awoke at5 pm (four hours later) i felt much much better....
now i do realize how errily close my symptoms mirror pregnancy. i have taken this matter into consideration. now, as careful and as cautious that i consider myself to be around the male life fluid... (lol, i'm luahging at how stupid that sounds...lol) i know that accidents do happen...now trust i will be commiting myself to a mental institution if said is the case.... a much more apealing case would be that i think i am begining to have migraines.... what causes migraines? why yes pregnancy (increase in hormonal levels etc.), is another matter to take into consideration...i seriously doubt it...
i don't know but i do know that i am a different person in 2008. the migraines and a few other things that i'll tell ya when you really got the time...
well here's a few things i've learned already in 2008:
I've learned....
1. there was no good reason for dumping brent.... (long story)
2. i can live without crazyc.
3. the more i spend time with babershop the more i like him
4. babershop looks delicious in a suit.
5. that i don't have to sterilize my house everyday.
6. that i am too blessed.
7. missing a few nights of sleep will mess your head up bad...
8. i love betty crocker's warm delights hot fudge brownie; i'm eating one now.
9. i love big hair.
10. my sister is evil.
ahhhh so much to fill yall in on so little time....
alas, i must finish my brownie and lactuse free milk in my bed...
but; seriously i got home from church yesterday, walked into the house and i swear i thought i was going to faint. suddenly i was dizzy, i felt naueous, my head started pounding and spinning and i felt sweat on my brow (i've always wanted to refer to my big ole forehead as my "brow") then i felt like i had to lay down immediately. my head hurt horribly. it felt like the light from outside was going to cause my head to explode. i took some motrin and passed out in the middle of the livingroom floor since that was the only place that i could find (i broke my bed that morning...another story for another day...no...get your minds out of the gutter...) when i awoke at5 pm (four hours later) i felt much much better....
now i do realize how errily close my symptoms mirror pregnancy. i have taken this matter into consideration. now, as careful and as cautious that i consider myself to be around the male life fluid... (lol, i'm luahging at how stupid that sounds...lol) i know that accidents do happen...now trust i will be commiting myself to a mental institution if said is the case.... a much more apealing case would be that i think i am begining to have migraines.... what causes migraines? why yes pregnancy (increase in hormonal levels etc.), is another matter to take into consideration...i seriously doubt it...
i don't know but i do know that i am a different person in 2008. the migraines and a few other things that i'll tell ya when you really got the time...
well here's a few things i've learned already in 2008:
I've learned....
1. there was no good reason for dumping brent.... (long story)
2. i can live without crazyc.
3. the more i spend time with babershop the more i like him
4. babershop looks delicious in a suit.
5. that i don't have to sterilize my house everyday.
6. that i am too blessed.
7. missing a few nights of sleep will mess your head up bad...
8. i love betty crocker's warm delights hot fudge brownie; i'm eating one now.
9. i love big hair.
10. my sister is evil.
ahhhh so much to fill yall in on so little time....
alas, i must finish my brownie and lactuse free milk in my bed...
Tuesday, January 01, 2008
4 days, 3 men
Saturday morning MY's godparents called and told me they were taking their kids to see the snow and wanted to know if MY could come along. SO, I bundled her up and took her out there.
Once I got home I washed and permed my hair. It feels so good to have clean hair doesn't it? Something about it makes me feel so free...
Anyways, babershop invited me over for dinner and a movie.
We watched some flick called Waters Risisng or something like that. It was about these gangstas in Louisiana and how they were going back and forth killing each other over drugs and stuff...then hurricane katrina hit and they were all working at Walmart...lol. WE ordered chinese and drank a little brandy (left over frommy holiday party)
The more time i spend with babershop the more I like him Something about the way he looks at me that makes me like him. And he doesnt try to hump on me, you know? On the other hand...it's just something about him I don't quite trust yet. I can put my finger on it....but I'ma figure it out.
Sunday I went to church...service was jammin.
Sunday afternoon, me, kinkos and mon (my pathological liar homegirl) went out to the Meat Market ( Cali folks know I'm talking about Fridays). Well, we're there looking and feeling fly. Some guy comes up to me and says "my friend asked me to give you his number" I say "and we're in the 3rd grade?" he says "no, he's here with his female friend and he doesn't want to disrespect her." See ladies...this the type of shit our men homeboys help them do...cheat right in our face. I must've went off on him something terrible.
We left there on a mission to find a club....we ended up at Gabah. It was hip hop night and It was whack...but there's a rinkety old pool table that we gave some use to.
Monday morning I had to work. I was in my cubicle hung over like I don't know what. I'm just glad we weren't busy.
All day Monday, I had spoken to my home girls K and Kinkos about going out...do you know both these heffas started going dumb on me when it was time to start getting dressed?
Well, I figured that I just plan to go out no matter what. Even if it was by myself.
As I was calling around tryna see who was going where. Crazyc called me and said he was coming by.... mind you I "broke up" with him a week before thanksgiving. and having been trying to end this cold turkey. SO I said sure. Figured this is one of the things I can purge from my life in 2008.
He came by and we talked. I told him how I was done. didn't want to do it no more. tired of the retartedness that is our relationship.... and what did he do? kiss me. Not like a one last kiss type kiss...like a I'll-kiss-her-and-she'll-shut-the-hell-up type kiss. I tell him "Crazyc I'm serious. This relationship has to end." He says..."I'll see you later."
Babershop, claims he had to "work", doing security at some club he invited me too... but that didn't sound truthful to me for some reason. K completely ditched me...I still don't know what happened to her. And Kinkos whas on some bullshit about she spent all her money the night before. Martinez didn't have a babysitter. Stace didn't have a baby sitter. Studios at home with her dude and her baby growing in her belly. Mon( my pathological liar homegirl) didn't have no money. Flores had to work. The guy I met at Biglots a few weeks ago invited me out but I declined.
Crazyc asked me where we were going I told him Gabah...since I know the DJ and I'd prolly ride for free. He said they (him and his croonies) were going there too. This tidbit of info made Gabah less inviting. I have to stay away from him not find ways to hang out with him.
Once crazyc was gone, NDN called me and told me to meet her at this other underground club at 1030. so I got dressed, picked up Mon( my pathological liar homegirl) from work (she got off at 930 and would have had to take the bus) dropped her off at home. Then headed out to the club.
I got there to find out it was eighteeen and older... sigh. Went inside. Straight to the VIP. Saw a few friends....felt a little weird that I was by my self, but seeing folks I know cheered me up. Do you know NDN didn't get there until 1230...yes! after new years had been rung in and when she got there, she was with her on again off again baby daddy....so basically I went to the club by myself on new years... I feel like such a sap. I ended up leaving around 130. everyone was kissing and coupled up and I was feeling real looser like. So, I stopped at Popeye's and went home.
So sad?
Such a waste of a cute out fit... And yes yall i was fly!. Black tunic dress with rinestone detail at the top... black tights black knee high boots.... shut up!
Today...I woke up feeling worried. I don't know just a sense of pending dome is upon me. Not a sadness just a little worry.
I had spoke to Flores last week, about hanging out with him today. So I woke up to the sound of my phone ringing. He says " you dressed?" I looked down at myself still in my black tunic dress tights half way down sprawled out on the bed. make smeared. hair now in an afro. and I cooly respond "yes" He says "I'm on my way to your house." I say "ok." I hopped up got dressed put on make up did the hair.
It takes him an hour to get here. I was dressed, house was clean and neat.
He rings the doorbell, he was lookin so damn fine... He had on a grey thermal shirt, a black shirt under it, dark jeans and black tennis shoes. Black sunglasses. That puerto rican skin was looking fine.... he had a half smoked cigarette in one hand and suitcase luis vitton bag in the other.... I open the door and he says "Baby! " He puts his bag down and hugged me. "Put on some shoes, let's eat."
We went down the street to this Mexican Resturant on Sepulveda.... We went in his red car! Yeahhhhh! I love the red car! I don't know what kind of car it is but it always makes me so happy when I see it. He had the top down... even though it was cold as a bitch. The top being down made me happy. We ate. It made me happy to eat with him as always.
We went back to my house, sat on the couch to talk. He wiped off my lipstick (as always). Then he checked out my hair.. Then he tells me that my face is getting fat. It's official: I'm a hippotamus now at 144 pounds.... so my resolution this year is to loose at least 20 lbs.
We laid on my couch talking and watching daytime television, like I wish we coul do everyday. Eating "One-Bite Walnut Brownies" from the bakery. sigh.... But my vacation from reality was short lived he had to go to work at 2.
I went and picked My up, took her to Shakey's. I Came home and watched cartoon movies with her. Talked to Biglots for about two hours...he's a talkative little man.
Flores just texted me "What a beautiful start to 2008" sigh....
Once I got home I washed and permed my hair. It feels so good to have clean hair doesn't it? Something about it makes me feel so free...
Anyways, babershop invited me over for dinner and a movie.
We watched some flick called Waters Risisng or something like that. It was about these gangstas in Louisiana and how they were going back and forth killing each other over drugs and stuff...then hurricane katrina hit and they were all working at Walmart...lol. WE ordered chinese and drank a little brandy (left over frommy holiday party)
The more time i spend with babershop the more I like him Something about the way he looks at me that makes me like him. And he doesnt try to hump on me, you know? On the other hand...it's just something about him I don't quite trust yet. I can put my finger on it....but I'ma figure it out.
Sunday I went to church...service was jammin.
Sunday afternoon, me, kinkos and mon (my pathological liar homegirl) went out to the Meat Market ( Cali folks know I'm talking about Fridays). Well, we're there looking and feeling fly. Some guy comes up to me and says "my friend asked me to give you his number" I say "and we're in the 3rd grade?" he says "no, he's here with his female friend and he doesn't want to disrespect her." See ladies...this the type of shit our men homeboys help them do...cheat right in our face. I must've went off on him something terrible.
We left there on a mission to find a club....we ended up at Gabah. It was hip hop night and It was whack...but there's a rinkety old pool table that we gave some use to.
Monday morning I had to work. I was in my cubicle hung over like I don't know what. I'm just glad we weren't busy.
All day Monday, I had spoken to my home girls K and Kinkos about going out...do you know both these heffas started going dumb on me when it was time to start getting dressed?
Well, I figured that I just plan to go out no matter what. Even if it was by myself.
As I was calling around tryna see who was going where. Crazyc called me and said he was coming by.... mind you I "broke up" with him a week before thanksgiving. and having been trying to end this cold turkey. SO I said sure. Figured this is one of the things I can purge from my life in 2008.
He came by and we talked. I told him how I was done. didn't want to do it no more. tired of the retartedness that is our relationship.... and what did he do? kiss me. Not like a one last kiss type kiss...like a I'll-kiss-her-and-she'll-shut-the-hell-up type kiss. I tell him "Crazyc I'm serious. This relationship has to end." He says..."I'll see you later."
Babershop, claims he had to "work", doing security at some club he invited me too... but that didn't sound truthful to me for some reason. K completely ditched me...I still don't know what happened to her. And Kinkos whas on some bullshit about she spent all her money the night before. Martinez didn't have a babysitter. Stace didn't have a baby sitter. Studios at home with her dude and her baby growing in her belly. Mon( my pathological liar homegirl) didn't have no money. Flores had to work. The guy I met at Biglots a few weeks ago invited me out but I declined.
Crazyc asked me where we were going I told him Gabah...since I know the DJ and I'd prolly ride for free. He said they (him and his croonies) were going there too. This tidbit of info made Gabah less inviting. I have to stay away from him not find ways to hang out with him.
Once crazyc was gone, NDN called me and told me to meet her at this other underground club at 1030. so I got dressed, picked up Mon( my pathological liar homegirl) from work (she got off at 930 and would have had to take the bus) dropped her off at home. Then headed out to the club.
I got there to find out it was eighteeen and older... sigh. Went inside. Straight to the VIP. Saw a few friends....felt a little weird that I was by my self, but seeing folks I know cheered me up. Do you know NDN didn't get there until 1230...yes! after new years had been rung in and when she got there, she was with her on again off again baby daddy....so basically I went to the club by myself on new years... I feel like such a sap. I ended up leaving around 130. everyone was kissing and coupled up and I was feeling real looser like. So, I stopped at Popeye's and went home.
So sad?
Such a waste of a cute out fit... And yes yall i was fly!. Black tunic dress with rinestone detail at the top... black tights black knee high boots.... shut up!
Today...I woke up feeling worried. I don't know just a sense of pending dome is upon me. Not a sadness just a little worry.
I had spoke to Flores last week, about hanging out with him today. So I woke up to the sound of my phone ringing. He says " you dressed?" I looked down at myself still in my black tunic dress tights half way down sprawled out on the bed. make smeared. hair now in an afro. and I cooly respond "yes" He says "I'm on my way to your house." I say "ok." I hopped up got dressed put on make up did the hair.
It takes him an hour to get here. I was dressed, house was clean and neat.
He rings the doorbell, he was lookin so damn fine... He had on a grey thermal shirt, a black shirt under it, dark jeans and black tennis shoes. Black sunglasses. That puerto rican skin was looking fine.... he had a half smoked cigarette in one hand and suitcase luis vitton bag in the other.... I open the door and he says "Baby! " He puts his bag down and hugged me. "Put on some shoes, let's eat."
We went down the street to this Mexican Resturant on Sepulveda.... We went in his red car! Yeahhhhh! I love the red car! I don't know what kind of car it is but it always makes me so happy when I see it. He had the top down... even though it was cold as a bitch. The top being down made me happy. We ate. It made me happy to eat with him as always.
We went back to my house, sat on the couch to talk. He wiped off my lipstick (as always). Then he checked out my hair.. Then he tells me that my face is getting fat. It's official: I'm a hippotamus now at 144 pounds.... so my resolution this year is to loose at least 20 lbs.
We laid on my couch talking and watching daytime television, like I wish we coul do everyday. Eating "One-Bite Walnut Brownies" from the bakery. sigh.... But my vacation from reality was short lived he had to go to work at 2.
I went and picked My up, took her to Shakey's. I Came home and watched cartoon movies with her. Talked to Biglots for about two hours...he's a talkative little man.
Flores just texted me "What a beautiful start to 2008" sigh....
Wednesday, December 05, 2007
"so, i like what i see when i'm looking at me when i'm walking pass the mirror"
isn't that just the best line out of a song in all 2007? i'ma make that my theme song for the first part of 2008 ("living my life like it's golden" by jill scott and "real love" by mary j. blige were the themes for 2007).
any who...back to my lists.... that i've grown to love so much.
1. since when is 33 an age to die of natural causes? i don't know about the rest of the country but the so.cal news is putting it on blast that pimp c died... everytime i turn on the news i hear serious newscasters speaking to a soundtrack of "big pimpin"
2. i got a fucken red-light camera ticket. now please tell me why is it $381? where is that money going to come from? i refuse to use my christmas bonus on a damn ticket!
3. one of my customers refuses to call me by my name he will only call me "donald".... i have the voice of mechl'le and he's calling me donald....you prolly already know english is his second language.
4. fls, baby momma need to be slapped. i know they had drama in the past... but shit girl, let the man see his son. the judge ordered that she must fly the boy out here every other weekend. he know that aint happening. they both prolly gon go broke.... sigh.
5. my daughter's father (i refuse, i'm pretty defiant today, to say baby daddy...this time) called my five year old daughter the morning of her birthday to say "oh, daddy ordered your shoes late so they won't be ready till next week." (I wish yall could hear the voice i use when i'm imitating him...hilarious!) MY says "oooohhhh, not againnnnn daddy... nex week is not my birfday." then she hung up the phone. ha! i didn't have to get on the phone...i think she handled it pretty damn well if you asked me.
6. i don't have cable; but my daughter's god mother brought her a tv for her birthday. my daughter came to me the other night pissed off cause she couldn't understand why we didn't have more channels. i told her "mommy can't afford more channels" thinking she'd skip over the meaning of "afford". she tells me "mommy, we got to get you some money." ha! the kid is gold!
7. my hair needs to be done. i'm still fine though. it's just dryyyyy like the dessert sands...
8. my job allows us to buy over-the-counter products and medical devices and such through our ordering system for wholesale price (I just brought 48 rolls of toliet paper for $10) and then takes it out of our checks a little at a time (like 20 a check). i'm thinking everyone on my christmas list is going to be getting products from our catalog:
-grandma- a new folding cane with roses on it and a flashlight at the bottom
- step dad- a new sleep apnea machine
-bigsis- a new stethescope (she's in school to be an rn)
-MY's teacher- a humidifer (they're on sale for 1.25)
lol.... ha!
9. i talked to crazyc, i put this at the bottom at the hopes no one would read this far and see that i slipped back...told yall he's like a crack addiction, we chatted a bit about things. told him i wasn't happy and that he need to "straighten up and fly right". he came by and we talked more. why did i let him in my door? why lord? pray about it for me... he's not got change. he's still him. so pray that god can change me. make me want somehting elese. crazyc will always be the asshole to end all assholes.... lol...lol why is that so funny to me?
10. i was in a rush this morning, had to take my shower throw on my clothes and run. when i got home and took off my boots, why are my legs so ashy they look like i been jumpin in flour all day? like i just got off a plane from africa?
11. this weather out here is damn fool... 82 degrees in the day and 42 at night don't make not damn sense.
12. im not one to let stress affect my body...but my feet are swollen, i got the gas, skin is dry and my back hurts (sounds like pregnancy huh? naw, that's not it...lol...i'd be a damn crazy fool if that was it. be making appointments at medical buildings that have protestors out side, if that was it. i can't pay a ticket how am i gon support another kid... that's the reason I pop a Orthotricyclen Lo everymorning at 845 and if i do get a little somethin somethin happening- i supply the contraceptives (crazyc been tryna make a little boy wit me for years... and aint no body trappin me) humph! humping or not ain't tryna hav no lil people growing in me!...I must've touched a sore spot because i'm way off subject...forget. must've not been too important.
13. saw my home boy brandon adams at the ladera ctr. still thinking he fly. had to give him the "you-ain't-been-fly-since-you-made-that-movie-people-under-the-stairs-or-imitated-michael-jackson-in-the-i'm-bad-video" look. when we were in high school, this fool paid extra money every month so his number could have double 0-7 in it...retart.
14. santa claus is coming, so you better be nice...he's sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake....for goodness sake! he's a perv...
any who...back to my lists.... that i've grown to love so much.
1. since when is 33 an age to die of natural causes? i don't know about the rest of the country but the so.cal news is putting it on blast that pimp c died... everytime i turn on the news i hear serious newscasters speaking to a soundtrack of "big pimpin"
2. i got a fucken red-light camera ticket. now please tell me why is it $381? where is that money going to come from? i refuse to use my christmas bonus on a damn ticket!
3. one of my customers refuses to call me by my name he will only call me "donald".... i have the voice of mechl'le and he's calling me donald....you prolly already know english is his second language.
4. fls, baby momma need to be slapped. i know they had drama in the past... but shit girl, let the man see his son. the judge ordered that she must fly the boy out here every other weekend. he know that aint happening. they both prolly gon go broke.... sigh.
5. my daughter's father (i refuse, i'm pretty defiant today, to say baby daddy...this time) called my five year old daughter the morning of her birthday to say "oh, daddy ordered your shoes late so they won't be ready till next week." (I wish yall could hear the voice i use when i'm imitating him...hilarious!) MY says "oooohhhh, not againnnnn daddy... nex week is not my birfday." then she hung up the phone. ha! i didn't have to get on the phone...i think she handled it pretty damn well if you asked me.
6. i don't have cable; but my daughter's god mother brought her a tv for her birthday. my daughter came to me the other night pissed off cause she couldn't understand why we didn't have more channels. i told her "mommy can't afford more channels" thinking she'd skip over the meaning of "afford". she tells me "mommy, we got to get you some money." ha! the kid is gold!
7. my hair needs to be done. i'm still fine though. it's just dryyyyy like the dessert sands...
8. my job allows us to buy over-the-counter products and medical devices and such through our ordering system for wholesale price (I just brought 48 rolls of toliet paper for $10) and then takes it out of our checks a little at a time (like 20 a check). i'm thinking everyone on my christmas list is going to be getting products from our catalog:
-grandma- a new folding cane with roses on it and a flashlight at the bottom
- step dad- a new sleep apnea machine
-bigsis- a new stethescope (she's in school to be an rn)
-MY's teacher- a humidifer (they're on sale for 1.25)
lol.... ha!
9. i talked to crazyc, i put this at the bottom at the hopes no one would read this far and see that i slipped back...told yall he's like a crack addiction, we chatted a bit about things. told him i wasn't happy and that he need to "straighten up and fly right". he came by and we talked more. why did i let him in my door? why lord? pray about it for me... he's not got change. he's still him. so pray that god can change me. make me want somehting elese. crazyc will always be the asshole to end all assholes.... lol...lol why is that so funny to me?
10. i was in a rush this morning, had to take my shower throw on my clothes and run. when i got home and took off my boots, why are my legs so ashy they look like i been jumpin in flour all day? like i just got off a plane from africa?
11. this weather out here is damn fool... 82 degrees in the day and 42 at night don't make not damn sense.
12. im not one to let stress affect my body...but my feet are swollen, i got the gas, skin is dry and my back hurts (sounds like pregnancy huh? naw, that's not it...lol...i'd be a damn crazy fool if that was it. be making appointments at medical buildings that have protestors out side, if that was it. i can't pay a ticket how am i gon support another kid... that's the reason I pop a Orthotricyclen Lo everymorning at 845 and if i do get a little somethin somethin happening- i supply the contraceptives (crazyc been tryna make a little boy wit me for years... and aint no body trappin me) humph! humping or not ain't tryna hav no lil people growing in me!...I must've touched a sore spot because i'm way off subject...forget. must've not been too important.
13. saw my home boy brandon adams at the ladera ctr. still thinking he fly. had to give him the "you-ain't-been-fly-since-you-made-that-movie-people-under-the-stairs-or-imitated-michael-jackson-in-the-i'm-bad-video" look. when we were in high school, this fool paid extra money every month so his number could have double 0-7 in it...retart.
14. santa claus is coming, so you better be nice...he's sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake....for goodness sake! he's a perv...
Monday, November 26, 2007
"I hate how much I love you boy..."
Many long years ago..ok four or five years ago. I met a guy name Fls (yeah I switched up his name...so what). The first date we ever went on I fell in love with him. Everything about him. Except the fact that we're the same exact height. But he is truely my equal...shit he knows it. We both felt the same way. After that first date, we saw each other everyday for almost 3 months.
When we first met My was about a year, when my momma still lived in Cali and I'd actually get weekends and days in the middle of the week with out a child. We did everything together. I was over his apartment more than at my own. plus he had a big screen tv that his momma brought him and cable and I had a floor model tv and didn't even have a dvd player. Then my psycho deranged insecurites kicked in... I felt myself falling for him and I ran from that feeling. I wanted to be as far away from that feeling as possible. Yet I was jealous of everythuing he did. Every move he made. He went out of town for the week, he asked me to take him to the airport; but didn't ask me to pick him up. In my crazed puff the magic dragon mind that was a reason to believe he was cheating on me... Now that I look back and I know that it was psycho and random...but I really believed it.
I stopped calling him. Stopped answering his calls. Stopped texting him. Stopped visiting him. Just stopped.
I think I lightweight broke him. He changed and not for the better. He doesn't trust me anymore. Well, not with his heart at least... He did let me borrow one of his cars once. But I can't break back into his heart. Not in that way. Not like we used to be.
All these years and he and I are still tight. We still have the most beautiful conversations about everything and nothing. He still can put a smile on my face with just a smile. He still sings me Prince songs and sends me the most beautiful text messages and leaves me long voice mail messages about nothing. And when I'm having a bad day he's the person I call...other than Studios... By trade he is motivational (he's a youth conselor and his part-time job is sorta like that super nanny show) and I love him even more for it.
Now it's a different kind of love though. It's different from the love I have for Crazyc in that my love for Crazyc is like love for an old toy you had as a kid, you don't know why you love it you just do. With Fls, there are very specific things and elements about him that I adore. Things he does and the way he does them. Things he won't do. Things he would never compromise.
I don't know it's just weird. He's such a honest person. The kinda dude that lays it all out to you. Very direct. He doesn't make reasons to have to apologize. A real honorable guy. Very expressive. Let's the people who he loves know that he loves them. Very in your face about the fact that you are someone he holds dear. Educated. About his money. And takes care of his son dedicatedly.
Honestly, and don't tell no body I said this, a lot of our affection for each other is that we both wish we could trade in the people we had children with for each other. Not to say we don't both have wonderful children...because we do and if we hadn't had them with the two people we had them with they would be different...but we both admire the love we share for our children I can speak for him on this subject cause we've talked about it at length. Not to belittle the relationship I had with my daughter's father...shit, fuck it...I don't care, I;ll belittle his-29-years-old-working-at-a-chicken-shack-ass as much as i feel like it; but Fls and I have always fluttered with the idea that things would be different if he were my daughter's dad and I was his son's mother.
The mother of the son is really trippin on him now. Moved the son to a new state. He damn near died. Balled his self up into a big ole ball. It was hard because this was happening to him at the same time I was with Mr.Wonderful. I didnt' really know how to handle, wanting to be there for Fls and wanting to start a relationship with Mr. Wonderful.
On my birthday; after my fabulous weekend with Mr. Wonderful I went over to Fls's house and he played that song he wrote for me. Not asking me for nothing... just letting me hear it. He sang me prince songs and we jumped on the bed together...that's it.
He got through it. He got custody of his son for the summer and a week in the winter. Which he was not happy with.
Then this bitch, against order of the court moves to another state, doesn't tell him. He had to hire a detective and a lawyer to find her. Now, he's taking her to court for full custody. The trial is Thursday. He is so nervous and anxious and busting at the seams he doesn't know what to do with his self.
The trial is in downtown LA and he lives about 1.5 hours away, in California morning traffic so I offered to let him stay with me Wednesday so he'd only have a 20 minute drive to court.
As many times as I've spent the night at his house. He has only ever spent the night at mine once or twice. And never with my daughter here. I think he's nervous. He was asking me should he bring anything and just rambling on about it. I thought it was cute... but I'm realizing I'm kinda nervous too... but why? Prolly a lil cus My will be here. I intend on making his stay a secret to her. But it still feels weird.
just some randomness to lay on ya...
Still crazyc free... pray for me yall.
When we first met My was about a year, when my momma still lived in Cali and I'd actually get weekends and days in the middle of the week with out a child. We did everything together. I was over his apartment more than at my own. plus he had a big screen tv that his momma brought him and cable and I had a floor model tv and didn't even have a dvd player. Then my psycho deranged insecurites kicked in... I felt myself falling for him and I ran from that feeling. I wanted to be as far away from that feeling as possible. Yet I was jealous of everythuing he did. Every move he made. He went out of town for the week, he asked me to take him to the airport; but didn't ask me to pick him up. In my crazed puff the magic dragon mind that was a reason to believe he was cheating on me... Now that I look back and I know that it was psycho and random...but I really believed it.
I stopped calling him. Stopped answering his calls. Stopped texting him. Stopped visiting him. Just stopped.
I think I lightweight broke him. He changed and not for the better. He doesn't trust me anymore. Well, not with his heart at least... He did let me borrow one of his cars once. But I can't break back into his heart. Not in that way. Not like we used to be.
All these years and he and I are still tight. We still have the most beautiful conversations about everything and nothing. He still can put a smile on my face with just a smile. He still sings me Prince songs and sends me the most beautiful text messages and leaves me long voice mail messages about nothing. And when I'm having a bad day he's the person I call...other than Studios... By trade he is motivational (he's a youth conselor and his part-time job is sorta like that super nanny show) and I love him even more for it.
Now it's a different kind of love though. It's different from the love I have for Crazyc in that my love for Crazyc is like love for an old toy you had as a kid, you don't know why you love it you just do. With Fls, there are very specific things and elements about him that I adore. Things he does and the way he does them. Things he won't do. Things he would never compromise.
I don't know it's just weird. He's such a honest person. The kinda dude that lays it all out to you. Very direct. He doesn't make reasons to have to apologize. A real honorable guy. Very expressive. Let's the people who he loves know that he loves them. Very in your face about the fact that you are someone he holds dear. Educated. About his money. And takes care of his son dedicatedly.
Honestly, and don't tell no body I said this, a lot of our affection for each other is that we both wish we could trade in the people we had children with for each other. Not to say we don't both have wonderful children...because we do and if we hadn't had them with the two people we had them with they would be different...but we both admire the love we share for our children I can speak for him on this subject cause we've talked about it at length. Not to belittle the relationship I had with my daughter's father...shit, fuck it...I don't care, I;ll belittle his-29-years-old-working-at-a-chicken-shack-ass as much as i feel like it; but Fls and I have always fluttered with the idea that things would be different if he were my daughter's dad and I was his son's mother.
The mother of the son is really trippin on him now. Moved the son to a new state. He damn near died. Balled his self up into a big ole ball. It was hard because this was happening to him at the same time I was with Mr.Wonderful. I didnt' really know how to handle, wanting to be there for Fls and wanting to start a relationship with Mr. Wonderful.
On my birthday; after my fabulous weekend with Mr. Wonderful I went over to Fls's house and he played that song he wrote for me. Not asking me for nothing... just letting me hear it. He sang me prince songs and we jumped on the bed together...that's it.
He got through it. He got custody of his son for the summer and a week in the winter. Which he was not happy with.
Then this bitch, against order of the court moves to another state, doesn't tell him. He had to hire a detective and a lawyer to find her. Now, he's taking her to court for full custody. The trial is Thursday. He is so nervous and anxious and busting at the seams he doesn't know what to do with his self.
The trial is in downtown LA and he lives about 1.5 hours away, in California morning traffic so I offered to let him stay with me Wednesday so he'd only have a 20 minute drive to court.
As many times as I've spent the night at his house. He has only ever spent the night at mine once or twice. And never with my daughter here. I think he's nervous. He was asking me should he bring anything and just rambling on about it. I thought it was cute... but I'm realizing I'm kinda nervous too... but why? Prolly a lil cus My will be here. I intend on making his stay a secret to her. But it still feels weird.
just some randomness to lay on ya...
Still crazyc free... pray for me yall.
Sunday, November 25, 2007
so what's up with me?
nada just living and learning...
How was yalls thanksgiving? Mine was cool Took My to see Enchanted at the El capitan theater. It was called the Enchanted experience. All the Disney princesses were there. They put makeup on them let them get dressed in princess dresses... it was nice. Then we went to my aunts, the one that I am her namesake not the one who's became an alcoholic, it was jammin on the one! the food was off chain.
I been Crazyc free, going on two weeks. I feel like I'm trying to quit crack. I had withdrawls the whole first week and now I still get twitches every now and then but I'm just taking it one day at a time. I've been ignoring the hell out of his "feeling on your bootie" ringtone on my cell. It's best that I just not even be around him. sighhhh...
barbershop, yeah the guy that insists that him being at the movies with his son's mother holding her hand wasn't a date....calls me on a consistent basis. I was hoping that one day he would realize that I never call him and he'd just stop calling me...men don't work that way, huh? so I'll prolly have to end up cussing him out...damn it...why do I always have to resort to cussing folks out?
my last thought reminded me of a cute little website I found that cracks me the hell up: http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/
My homegirl Studios is pregnant. Pretty exciting event.
My, my daughter's slumber party is next weekend pray for me yall. 10 4 to 5 year olds.
There's this burrito spot up the street that My and I walk over to on the weekends. Well, we walked over there yesterday and as we were coming out of there I saw Ayn, one of my sorrority sisters that I wrote a post about her name many years ago that I'm too lazy to link right now, She and I sat and chatted it up a bit.
Once I really I started to walk home and was interuppted by a jean-cd-dvd-iphone-flatscreen tv hustla coming out of the nail shop.
After he ran down his list of most likely stolen items to me that he was selling and I told him no at each, even though a $300 flat screen sounds good. He asked me if I went to XYZ high school. I rolled my eyes and shook my head yes. I he says "I went there too." I say "really?" and try to recognize his face. Which is stupid because I never remember anyone! I mean family friends, people i met yesterday...no one. I have theWORST facial recognition memory ever. Then he says "I remember you. You hung out with the twins, a light skin smart chic and that other girl "E"" I raised my eyebrows at him, like wow you remember all of that from like twelve years ago (when I was a freshman).
He says "you know me?" I look at him. He's real dark skin, sorta like he used to not be darkskin but his life has been so grimmey that he just got darker. Now, don't tell me you don't know what I mean? You know how crackmongers just somehow begin to turn dark once they start smoking regularly.. well that's the type of tan he had... a crackmongers tan. He had a little belly gut and his hands looked a little flakey. Maybe psoriasis...maybe just a hardknock life. I laughed because I had all these thoughts in about five seconds of looking him over. I say "no.."He says I'm "R".
He says the nickname of one of the finest damn men I remeber in my lifetime. When I was a freshman, there were some beautiful specimens walking those halls. But he was the finest. Tall medium chocolate gorgeous smile. I mean this man could've made your panties melt off just by thinking about them. He was beautiful. I mean, he was the entire reason I went to gym class my freshman year. So that I could watch him practice basketball. I must've had my mouth open in awe or a look of what-the-fuck on my face because he says "I changed huh?" I said "yeah, I mean no you just grew up." Grew up into a yuckmouth. I say "You remeber me?" He shakes his head yes. I say "why?". He says "you were a little cutie then". I shook my head yeah and thought to myself, I was. He says "You still look pretty fly now..." Fly? Really? I say "thanks" begin to walk away. that was it.
How could he just loose his glow like that?
anyways...I need to go do the laundry and visit my uncle to see what he can do with my brakes cause they sound like a train tryna stop.
nada just living and learning...
How was yalls thanksgiving? Mine was cool Took My to see Enchanted at the El capitan theater. It was called the Enchanted experience. All the Disney princesses were there. They put makeup on them let them get dressed in princess dresses... it was nice. Then we went to my aunts, the one that I am her namesake not the one who's became an alcoholic, it was jammin on the one! the food was off chain.
I been Crazyc free, going on two weeks. I feel like I'm trying to quit crack. I had withdrawls the whole first week and now I still get twitches every now and then but I'm just taking it one day at a time. I've been ignoring the hell out of his "feeling on your bootie" ringtone on my cell. It's best that I just not even be around him. sighhhh...
barbershop, yeah the guy that insists that him being at the movies with his son's mother holding her hand wasn't a date....calls me on a consistent basis. I was hoping that one day he would realize that I never call him and he'd just stop calling me...men don't work that way, huh? so I'll prolly have to end up cussing him out...damn it...why do I always have to resort to cussing folks out?
my last thought reminded me of a cute little website I found that cracks me the hell up: http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/
My homegirl Studios is pregnant. Pretty exciting event.
My, my daughter's slumber party is next weekend pray for me yall. 10 4 to 5 year olds.
There's this burrito spot up the street that My and I walk over to on the weekends. Well, we walked over there yesterday and as we were coming out of there I saw Ayn, one of my sorrority sisters that I wrote a post about her name many years ago that I'm too lazy to link right now, She and I sat and chatted it up a bit.
Once I really I started to walk home and was interuppted by a jean-cd-dvd-iphone-flatscreen tv hustla coming out of the nail shop.
After he ran down his list of most likely stolen items to me that he was selling and I told him no at each, even though a $300 flat screen sounds good. He asked me if I went to XYZ high school. I rolled my eyes and shook my head yes. I he says "I went there too." I say "really?" and try to recognize his face. Which is stupid because I never remember anyone! I mean family friends, people i met yesterday...no one. I have theWORST facial recognition memory ever. Then he says "I remember you. You hung out with the twins, a light skin smart chic and that other girl "E"" I raised my eyebrows at him, like wow you remember all of that from like twelve years ago (when I was a freshman).
He says "you know me?" I look at him. He's real dark skin, sorta like he used to not be darkskin but his life has been so grimmey that he just got darker. Now, don't tell me you don't know what I mean? You know how crackmongers just somehow begin to turn dark once they start smoking regularly.. well that's the type of tan he had... a crackmongers tan. He had a little belly gut and his hands looked a little flakey. Maybe psoriasis...maybe just a hardknock life. I laughed because I had all these thoughts in about five seconds of looking him over. I say "no.."He says I'm "R".
He says the nickname of one of the finest damn men I remeber in my lifetime. When I was a freshman, there were some beautiful specimens walking those halls. But he was the finest. Tall medium chocolate gorgeous smile. I mean this man could've made your panties melt off just by thinking about them. He was beautiful. I mean, he was the entire reason I went to gym class my freshman year. So that I could watch him practice basketball. I must've had my mouth open in awe or a look of what-the-fuck on my face because he says "I changed huh?" I said "yeah, I mean no you just grew up." Grew up into a yuckmouth. I say "You remeber me?" He shakes his head yes. I say "why?". He says "you were a little cutie then". I shook my head yeah and thought to myself, I was. He says "You still look pretty fly now..." Fly? Really? I say "thanks" begin to walk away. that was it.
How could he just loose his glow like that?
anyways...I need to go do the laundry and visit my uncle to see what he can do with my brakes cause they sound like a train tryna stop.
Monday, November 05, 2007
so, here's more of my drama
How can I have so much drama in four days?
Lists are my new thing... here's another one...
#1. I met this guy, lets call him, Hairshow, on Halloween. I was dressed as Foxy, he was just sexy. He asked for my number I obliged and thus is the case. He called me early Thursday morning. Talked a good game, made a sista smile. Really nice. Owns a business, betcha can't guess what it is.. duh! Hence, the nickname. Seemed to have a good life story. Called him Friday; but he seemed to be unavailable. So I went out with Prada. (skip to #2 if you like to read in chronological order...) Saturday, Hairshow called me and asked me to meet him for lunch. I was hungry, so I said yea. I drove the three blocks over to his shop (we drive everywhere in Cali) and we met at a little spot near by and ate rice beans and chicken. Something about his style I was feeling. He's light skin, which I guess is my thing this year, and has red hair and freckles. He's funny and got a little hood in him. So I was lightweight diggin him.
Sunday I took My to see the Bee movie, I was laughing at the guy mentioned in #2 and thought to myself, wouldn't it be funny if this light skin guy standing right here in the line holding this chics hand and holding that baby was Hairshow... I lean down to help My with her shoe and I hear "Jen.?" I looked up and guess who that light skin guy standing there in the line holding some chics hand and holding a baby was, HAIRSHOW! I burst out in uncontrollable laughter...like a crazy person. Couldn't help myself, just my luck that I would see him there and that this would be the case.
Do you know this fool had the nerve to call me later (around 5) and just start talking like nothing happened? When I asked who was the chic at the movies, he said "oh I wanted to take my son to the movies and his mom wanted to come." Of all the stupid shit... that was the best.
#2 I met this other guy about two weeks ago, lets call him Prada. We've been talking much lately. And he's aiight. Light skin again and just way too pretty...shit he works at Prada. You have to have your picture approved by the Cooperate office in France to work there. Well we went out Friday night. We went to dinner and a movie and I was really diggin him. We went for a walk on the beach. Went back to his house, had coffee and ice cream. We watched Damon Waynans stand up and laughed our selves to sleep. He was a complete gentleman, didn't try no hanky panky or nothing. In the morning he took me to breakfast at Jack in the crack. Good times were had by all.
Saturdy evening he called me while I was in the Valley at a party for Sony Studios aunt. He was acting all bug aboo. Because I know I had told him about the party and he was claiming that he thought we were supposed to have dinner. I was like look I told you what I was doing today, why are you trippin? He just kept going on and on. I was getting pissed. plus I was drunk and he was killing my high, so I told him if he wanted to argue than I'll talk to him in the morning when I'm sober.
He called me all cracked out like telling me that he deserves to be treated better...blah blabl blah.. I don't like whiney men and I don't like listening to that shit. so I told him peace witht he two fingers, like Martin used to do on his show:
#3.Crazyc came by Saturday night. It started off cool. We were playing Uno. Watching Tv. when Prada called me late night 2am. I let the phone ring and Crazyc got so pissed at me. Was talking his shit all. I was so pissed at Prada. But more at myself... Crazyc know whats up but he don't want to see that shit...or hear the phone ring. He was really mad at me. It hurt.
#4 So as you can see I have no problem meeting them... I just meet the wrong ones. Or is it that I need to get my magnet fixed again? Like you do with your bank card...
#5 Saturday afternoon I took My ice skating. She got a little defeated and decided that really wasn't her thing. It wasn't mine either I didn't enjoy falling all over the freezing ice. Sony studios and her soon-to-be daughter in law came along too. It was nice to spend the afternoon with a mommyfriend. Later we went to Sonystudios' aunt's house, who was giving herself a b-day party. That was nice. You know since I told My it was a party she danced all the night long...wasn't no stopping her. Too funny I have pics maybe i'll share...still thinking about it.
Sunday I took My to the movies to see the Bee movie it was funny... I took her to Denny's afterwards to eat dinner and as we were leaving these two guys held the door open for us.I said "thank you" My says "Adios amigos!" It was so cute... I love my little muchkin.
Note to self: please write about the retarted people at work.
Thursday, November 01, 2007
life is a beautiful struggle....
In the true spirit on halloween I dressed up... fabulously I might ad... looka here at foxy brown working her magic:
XXX
Actually, this pic is from last year, but I wore the exact same thing this year...welll I didn't wear the booty shorts this year...but I was still hot...
I won second prize in competetion at work. $30 and two movie tickets. SO I sorta thought I was fly. After work My went with bigsis and her kids trick or treating (as usual). She was a princess, of course. I would post a pic, but I'm to sure about it...mybe after I think about it some. She was cute though... my love! SHe told me halloween morning, "mommy, you gon wear your hoochie mama boots today?" The boots I had on were to my knees, white leather with fur.
Since My was off with bigsis. I went with Sonystudios, her boyfriend timmypoo, his brother and his friend to an amusement park.. It was cool. Not as scary as Knotts scary farm...but fun!
That's it...
That's $110 at work this week alone...Iwon the pool for when my co-workers wife would have their baby ($80). So I'm having a great week so far:
1. met a young boy that thinks I'm fly
2. won 110 at work
3. went to an amusement park
4. what i did last nigt with crazyc after i got home from the amusement park
5. I have the most intelligent child in the world.
6. life is beautiful.
Friday, October 26, 2007
First late night post ever....Why I just can't let him go...
I'm feeling much better today than in previous days.
Crazyc came by last night. It was like 2:30am (so more like this morning). We had been on the phone talking, like always, from about 8pm. The battery on my phone went dead, as he said he was turning down my street. I came in to the livingroom and saw flashing police lights and heard a siren out my front window. I walked to the window and saw a police car with both the doors wide open stopped at the hood of Crazyc's car. All I could see was a female police officer, gun drawn, pointing over the hood of his car yelling, "get your hands out of your pockets now!"
If I never knew I loved him, I knew it then. My heart jumped out of my chest through my mouth and fell on the ground. I ran to the front door (blue night thingy on and everything) not thinking about what I would do once I opened it. And there he was standing. Once my mind made sense of the situation and I realized that the gun wasn't drawn at him (it was at some hoodlum down the street). I started to cry.
When I was 20 and he was 22 he was shot. Just standing at the gas station pumping his gas, prolly looking a little too thug, prolly mean mugging somebody. Once in the shoulder. My hand can fit in the space between the scar and his heart. I touch it everytime he is shirtless. I can fit my hand in the space between his life and his early death.
Last night, I remembered how he looked in that light blue hospital gown, the white bows tied in the back, his braids still oh-so-perfect, his hospital bracelet with his full name typed neatly in times roman 12 font, him looking at my scared face, him purposely not making eye contact with me, him telling his bestfriend, New, that he didn't want to see me, me shaking my head yes, and telling New to tell him I still love him. New grabbing my hand and walking me down stairs, him rubbing the middle of my back and telling me seeing me right then was prolly too much for Crazyc. Crazyc told me later he just didn't want to see me pregnant with another dude's baby.
Last night, I remembered how important he is to me. Whether we're humping or not. I'll always love him. He'll always be my first love. The person I tell everything to....well almost everything it's a lot I got to leave out...but I do tell him just about everything.
After he was inside the door, he wiped my face with his hand with one gentle swipe and hugged me. He knew exactly why I was crying. It was the type of moment only two people that know each other too well can share. We didn't talk about it (Prolly because he couldn't speak seeing me in the blue night thingy) but I know he remembered too.
Didn't I say we've got history?
Sounds like a ghetto tale, huh? Nope...just my life.
Crazyc came by last night. It was like 2:30am (so more like this morning). We had been on the phone talking, like always, from about 8pm. The battery on my phone went dead, as he said he was turning down my street. I came in to the livingroom and saw flashing police lights and heard a siren out my front window. I walked to the window and saw a police car with both the doors wide open stopped at the hood of Crazyc's car. All I could see was a female police officer, gun drawn, pointing over the hood of his car yelling, "get your hands out of your pockets now!"
If I never knew I loved him, I knew it then. My heart jumped out of my chest through my mouth and fell on the ground. I ran to the front door (blue night thingy on and everything) not thinking about what I would do once I opened it. And there he was standing. Once my mind made sense of the situation and I realized that the gun wasn't drawn at him (it was at some hoodlum down the street). I started to cry.
When I was 20 and he was 22 he was shot. Just standing at the gas station pumping his gas, prolly looking a little too thug, prolly mean mugging somebody. Once in the shoulder. My hand can fit in the space between the scar and his heart. I touch it everytime he is shirtless. I can fit my hand in the space between his life and his early death.
Last night, I remembered how he looked in that light blue hospital gown, the white bows tied in the back, his braids still oh-so-perfect, his hospital bracelet with his full name typed neatly in times roman 12 font, him looking at my scared face, him purposely not making eye contact with me, him telling his bestfriend, New, that he didn't want to see me, me shaking my head yes, and telling New to tell him I still love him. New grabbing my hand and walking me down stairs, him rubbing the middle of my back and telling me seeing me right then was prolly too much for Crazyc. Crazyc told me later he just didn't want to see me pregnant with another dude's baby.
Last night, I remembered how important he is to me. Whether we're humping or not. I'll always love him. He'll always be my first love. The person I tell everything to....well almost everything it's a lot I got to leave out...but I do tell him just about everything.
After he was inside the door, he wiped my face with his hand with one gentle swipe and hugged me. He knew exactly why I was crying. It was the type of moment only two people that know each other too well can share. We didn't talk about it (Prolly because he couldn't speak seeing me in the blue night thingy) but I know he remembered too.
Didn't I say we've got history?
Sounds like a ghetto tale, huh? Nope...just my life.
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Other Shyt to worry about
Sigh... So Mr. Wonderful emailed me today. I didn't respond. I refuse to let myself get angry and irratated about this.
In order for me to forget about Mr. Wonderful I've dedicated this post to other things I need to worry about; Like:
1. The fact that all of Southern California is burning down all around me. Every day my car is covered in ashes. The ashes of the belongings of people who now have nothing. Everything is gone. Thier computers- gone. Their beds gone. Their socks- gone. Everything they own burned. I'm a horrible person because this morning all I could think was, "the ashes are ruining my $17 car wash"... major reality check. I had to sit down and really focus. So My and I took our cans to the recycling place and donated the $ to the Red Cross. Vain redemption? Life is such an oxymoron.
2. My daughter is turning 5; which makes me the mother of a 5 year old. I'm getting old.
3. My shoulder creeks when I move it...That's a sense of how old I've gotten.
4. I have to decide if I want to continue on this road I'm going down with Crazyc. He helped me out of my first crisis with Mr. Wonderful. And he is unknowingly helping me out of this one. I love him. There's soooo much history behind our relationship, I'm writing a book on it. Yet, I know that the words that spill out this mouth could drive me to murder. I don't think his larynx is connected to his brain because there's no way that the brain knows what his voice box is saying. He does a body good; just like milk. But should I stay knowing I'll never truely be happy? Or will I? There has to be something that makes me stay with him right? It couldn't just be familiarity, right? That can't be the only reason, I'm with him, right? Just because it's what I'm used to.....
5. My house is a damn mess. The dishes, the rooms, the bathroom. sigh... it's over whelming. I'll start with the living room and bathroom tonight.
6. I still ain't got no driver's license. $5000 to go.
7. I'm still trying to get this business started. I'm barely in the scratch paper stages and I got people trying to book dates.... that excites me and scares me at the same time.
8. What am I going to be for Halloween? I got to win the $100 prize my job is giving away. SO I can put towards the $5000.
9. I have to work on my customer service skills. Some days I really am the angryblacklady over the phone.
10. I got an extra $20 bucks on the phone bill because of this internet connection.
11. I'm giving My a slumber party, so I'm going to have 12 little girls at my house for over 12 hours... terrified!
12. Flores. Nuff said. I've been avoiding him...but if he doesn't stop sending me those text messages with those sweet little inticements; I'm going to be right back there with him, naked, in his bed, watching his flat screen, eating pizza he ordered, while he stands on the bed singing me Prince songs....No, No, No, I won't let myself do it.
13. Why is there still hardly any Black people on television? It's like we don't really exist, in their worlds. Not even enough to hire us as extras...WOW.
14. I need the thingy that connects the tire to the axle to be replaced on my car.
15. I need a good gospel song to perform to for my audition next month and I only have two weeks, to choreograph something. Any suggestions?
ok, that makes me feel better..... exhale.
In order for me to forget about Mr. Wonderful I've dedicated this post to other things I need to worry about; Like:
1. The fact that all of Southern California is burning down all around me. Every day my car is covered in ashes. The ashes of the belongings of people who now have nothing. Everything is gone. Thier computers- gone. Their beds gone. Their socks- gone. Everything they own burned. I'm a horrible person because this morning all I could think was, "the ashes are ruining my $17 car wash"... major reality check. I had to sit down and really focus. So My and I took our cans to the recycling place and donated the $ to the Red Cross. Vain redemption? Life is such an oxymoron.
2. My daughter is turning 5; which makes me the mother of a 5 year old. I'm getting old.
3. My shoulder creeks when I move it...That's a sense of how old I've gotten.
4. I have to decide if I want to continue on this road I'm going down with Crazyc. He helped me out of my first crisis with Mr. Wonderful. And he is unknowingly helping me out of this one. I love him. There's soooo much history behind our relationship, I'm writing a book on it. Yet, I know that the words that spill out this mouth could drive me to murder. I don't think his larynx is connected to his brain because there's no way that the brain knows what his voice box is saying. He does a body good; just like milk. But should I stay knowing I'll never truely be happy? Or will I? There has to be something that makes me stay with him right? It couldn't just be familiarity, right? That can't be the only reason, I'm with him, right? Just because it's what I'm used to.....
5. My house is a damn mess. The dishes, the rooms, the bathroom. sigh... it's over whelming. I'll start with the living room and bathroom tonight.
6. I still ain't got no driver's license. $5000 to go.
7. I'm still trying to get this business started. I'm barely in the scratch paper stages and I got people trying to book dates.... that excites me and scares me at the same time.
8. What am I going to be for Halloween? I got to win the $100 prize my job is giving away. SO I can put towards the $5000.
9. I have to work on my customer service skills. Some days I really am the angryblacklady over the phone.
10. I got an extra $20 bucks on the phone bill because of this internet connection.
11. I'm giving My a slumber party, so I'm going to have 12 little girls at my house for over 12 hours... terrified!
12. Flores. Nuff said. I've been avoiding him...but if he doesn't stop sending me those text messages with those sweet little inticements; I'm going to be right back there with him, naked, in his bed, watching his flat screen, eating pizza he ordered, while he stands on the bed singing me Prince songs....No, No, No, I won't let myself do it.
13. Why is there still hardly any Black people on television? It's like we don't really exist, in their worlds. Not even enough to hire us as extras...WOW.
14. I need the thingy that connects the tire to the axle to be replaced on my car.
15. I need a good gospel song to perform to for my audition next month and I only have two weeks, to choreograph something. Any suggestions?
ok, that makes me feel better..... exhale.
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
I'm back Bytch!
Today I got a little bit of my steam back. When I got to work Mr. Wonderful had written me an email stating that he wanted to continue being my friend. I wrote him an email detailing how selfish that is. How dare he expect me to be able to do that? He couldn't do that for me, so why should I be forced to do that for him.
That made me feel better being able to say what the hell I wanted to say...ya dig?
I feel like a kid in a candy store playing on the internet now!!! I can do it all right here at the hizzy!
Ambo and I went out on Saturday...to this bar in downtown LA (the new hot spot...for all the cool people). We had soooooo much fun. I gotta learn to play pool better than I did on Saturday! Ambo ended up trading info with this fine ass WhiteBoy (the bartender) at the bar. He's really sweet... I'm not ususally in favor of the co-mingling... but I give her a pass since she's so lite skin... Just kidding. Here we are looking super fine Valentine....
Pretty girls Rock!
Pretty girls Rock!Saturday Night Early Morning Sunday CrazyC invited me and Ambo to go to this reggae after hours club on the eastside...We were weary about it but we went anyway. It was hella gansta. Motorcycles out side and shit... So we skipped the club came back to my house she passed out on the couch and I fell out in my bed...It was 4am anyway
Big sis came over and kicked on Sunday after she got out of school. That's the first time she and I have hung out since she discovered this new boyfriend. That I love for her.
Sony studios came by and did my hair. (She's Ambo's twin so look up one more time if you want to see what she looks like!). That heffa got my hair so straight I'm looking like I might have a 16th of Asian....damn! LOL!
Well, CrazyC was supposed to make us brownies but he weenied out.
I talked to him today... that made my day better too.
Well let me go visit a few pages of a few friends!
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