Never been so alone in my life.

I found out my mom has breast cancer a week ago. I've been trying not to cry. I haven't told any of my friends well I told one but that's it really. My mom asked me not to say anything to let her tell the family. So I'm dealing with this alone. I feel like I have no one to talk to. I can't meditate on it I can't contemplate because it'll make me cry. Today I am going to write about it. 

I physically hurt for her. Everything aches, everything hurts I don't  what to do. How do I help her? 

She is in Florida I am here in California. She has no health insurance and she's being given the runaround in Florida with their lack of free county insurance even with Obamacare she still isn't able to get any care. They told her it would be six weeks before she could even see a doctor even though she's already been diagnosed

My plan is to pay for her to come here to California we have free insurance plans an emergency Medi-Cal for people with breast cancer. 

Also I just need to see her. 

I don't have anyone else it's just me and my mom. Yeah I have my sister but not really. She's all that I have other than my child. 

Don't cry. 

I'm sitting here in my car waiting for my daughter to get back from a Laker game with her after school program, my eyes are going to be red when she sees me. she'll notice it as soon as she sees my face.

 She'll say why were you crying? I'll say I wasn't crying and laugh it off. 

Don't cry. 

I can't cry. 

I can't continue with this post I'll write more later.