Last night I was busy writing a post about love. (I will indeed post it soon), i was interruppted from doing my post by a loud knock at my door. i go to the door (it's about 10pm) afraid that it was the crackhead I'd encountered the other day) I yell "who is it!" in my ghetto girl voice, hoping to sound like i didn't take no mess. The person on the other side yells back to me "E!"
my heart sank into my stomach. what was he doing at my house unannounced? in the middle of the night? I cracked the wooden door caustiously and kept the bar door shut. I said "what are you doing here?" He says "I miss you Jane. I'm sorry, really. I just need to talk to you."
Fear struck. Was he going to shoot me and then kill hisself? the way the man did at the McDonald's accross the street from my job last week?
I say "that doesn't explain why you just came over?" He says "I called you. you weren't answering. I texted you, you didn't respond. Then my screen on my cell phone broke and I couldn't look up your numbers. I missed you Jane. really. and I didn't want to go another day not speaking to you."
I prayed "God see me."
He says "can I come in?" I still have such a sweet spot for him. Looking back I should've slammed the door and called them people on him. but I didn't. I opened the door.
He sat on my couch. I sat across from him on the love seat.
For almost thirty minutes, I listened to him pour his heart out. I mean on some true dramatic shit.
Now, he's always been dramatic. so that wasn't outta character. He went on with lines like:
"I dont' want to be no where else. I don't want to not be here. I want to be with you. I want to share my life with you. When I'm not here I'm only half of me"
"I couldn't imagine you with another guy. I'm your man. I'm gon always be your man"
"Jane for real, I need you and MY. You'll are my girls. For real. I think about you two every morning when I wake up. I pray for you two everynight before I got to sleep."
"I've never been the kinda person that thought alot about what I wanted in the future. I jut figured whatever happens happens. But when I met you, you gave me hope. Hope for things that I never thought about having. With out you....what do I do?"
I say to him, "E you're a great person. I care about you. I think that you are wonderful but I don't want to be iwth you like that." He looked at me like he was about to cry. His voice got all weak like, he was holding back tears. I think to myself "Oh my God, please don't let him cry."
He says "I know that I messed up. I am human and I am sorry that I was the way that I was with you. You deserve better than that." Then he grabs my hand and was like squeezing my fingers.
I say "E, life isn't that way. You can't just put people on hold until you're ready. that's not how life or love works. I don't feel like that anymore."
He says "so you're done with me?" He stands up puts his hat on...looking like T.I.'s tall little brother.
I say "Yeah. I guess so. E."
He scrunches his face and sniffs back tears and says "I've never felt nothing like this. This shit hurts. likeit's painful. Like my insides hurt. I hurt"
He walks over to me. And wraps his arms around me. "Iloveyoujane. I would never intentionally do anything to disrespect you or hurt you. you know that right?"
I shake my head. His arms still wrapped around me. My insides shaking.
He continues, "and if you honestly don't want to see me anymore. I will leave you alone. "
I think to myself "damn he's so dramatic."