Wednesday, July 02, 2008

Who loves ya baby?

I've been thinking about love. Not just because I'm addicted to it, as most of you know; but because there are so many different levels and forms of love. I decided to dedicate this post to the people that I love, the people who love me and what they've taught me about love.

From my mother I learned an equal amount of what love is and what love is not. Through her life and her love relationships she has shown me fifteen novels worth of love stories. ones filled with dragons and demons and others filled with unicorns and lolipops.

From her I have learned unconditional love. Not only the love that I feel for her; but the type of love she has for me. For her to be five she has a way of expressing her feelings that is so beautiful. I really pray to God that she continues to understand herself the way that she does now. Her school let them buy books, with thier "tiger points" they earn from being good students. She brought a book called "How mommies love you". I said "why did you get this book MY?" She said "It really touched my heart." no lie!

From him I have learned that you don't have to forget to forgive. That cold heart and feelings I held for him for so long, was more harmful to me than it was to him. He just kept right on living and enjoying his life, no matter how I hated him. No matter how many evil awful thoughts and how much firey angry engry I projected at him, he just kept on living. Unfazed and seemingly unaware. My relationships suffered. My memories suffered. My time was spent and focused so much on hate and he just kept on living. I realize that he was the one that missed out on me, not the other way around. Realizing that saved me.

What he taught me about love is hard to explain. From him I learned about female male platonic relationships. As a female child, of a mother that intentionaly isolated her self, it was extremely dificult to find someone to mimic my relationships after. After my mom married and divorced, "the bear" in a two year span when I was 4 to 6. She basically hid her romantic relationships from me. And honestly I think that did more bad than good. I didn't really know how to just be friends with men for a long time. When I was 8 she met and Larry. For 10 years they courted. Went back and forth between lovers and friends. Eventually they married when I turned 18. They broke up when I was 19. He died when I was 8 months pregnant with MY, exactly one month before she was born.
Through my step dad I learned that male /female love isn't always sexual. I know that has to sound odd. But I'm being openly honest. Being in healthy relationships is a learned behaviour just like being in harmful ones. I 've been throw enough of both to know. My step dad really taught me that men can be good people.

Just like with my step father, my best friends taught me about female friendship and love. My mom never had many friends while I was growning up. And the ones she did, she never kept long. Through my friends I learned that having a pal to talk to can pull you right off of that ledge. They have been my friends for over fifteen years now (Except Stace she's a two year). And I really truely appreciate everything I've learned from them....

And boy do I have so much more to learn.... sigh...isn't life beautiful that way?

1 comment:

Moody Gemini said...

Life is beautiful the way you put it. Enjoy...