Thursday, February 21, 2008

quarter- life crisis?

Man I have a story in me that is driving me crazy. It wants to come out....just feels like there's not enough hours in the day to write it down...sigh.

I lo ve writing. lo ve it. I know, I prolly should go back to school and get a degree in literature to work on my craft; but, I feel bored by the idea of commas and periods and grammar and syntax.

iawejuswannawrite.

Spill words into paragraphs and paragraphs into stories and stories into novels. I want to create and build and make folks laugh and make folks smile and make folks remember.

There are times when i am sitting in my cubicle and i feel like i'm living someone elses life. Ya Know? I never saw my self as cubicle mule. Someone else's pee-on...

I mean don't get me wrong, I know, that I know, that I know, that I'm blessed. I make over 42K a year inCALIFORNIA and I only have three years of college and I'm just 26 year old single parent. I'm blessed and highly favored.

I'm blessed to live in an apartment that I love. I blessed to have a car that works. I'm blessed to have a daughter who I can love and take care of. I'm blessed to have a family that believes in me. But there are times when I feel like I'm just going through the motions.

Even with all the love surrounding me, I still feel alone and by myself and I hate to say it but....empty.

Pharmaceutical Sales is not what I lo ve. It's what I do. It's what I know. I respect it because it takes care of me and my daughter. It doesn't make me smile. It doesn't make me happy. When I think about it in the morning, i just sigh. Pharmaceutical sales is like a good husband.

I have been writing my "novel" for years. But will it be respected, if I don't have a degree in English? Do I care? Should I care?

Sigh.

5 comments:

Nic said...

Hey Jane,

Well it seems to me that you have a lot of love in your heart. Not just for writing, but for life, and all the positive blessings that have been bestowed to you. I think that if you keep all that positive stuff in your heart, it will radiate through your book and people will be able to feel, appreciate and respect that. Readers will be able to tell that you put your all into your work. And that will pull them in and keep them hooked. I know I can usually tell (when reading a book/article or whatever) whether it was a labor of love, or some B.S. to help someone get their next check. I suspect that you can too, and that's a small part of what draws you to writing.

So don’t worry about the small stuff. Everything will work out fine.

P.S. Thanks for adding me to your blogroll. You know I returned the favor!

Peace,
Nic

Monie said...

Girl, your writing is that shit and I say you go ahead and do the damn thing!

Sha Boogie said...

I can so dig it. I look at people doing what they're passionate about AND getting paid for and all i can do is 'sigh'..but then on the flip side, you got to be grateful for your blessings, I know exactly what you mean..

Philly's Andrea said...

I can feel you all the way on this one. I even did a post about a while back. The idea of having so much talent… wasted because life is about doing what you gotta do and not always about what you wanna do. With three finished novels and not one published in fear of your same fears and worries, I often think "This is NOT my life." But I'm working on making it MY life. One day those novels will be published and RESPECTED!!! Watch.

Always.Funky.Fresh said...

Not sure how I ended up here but there are tons of successful writers who didn't have degrees in English (John Grisham,E.Lynn Harris) so I say fugg the degree and go for it!

Anyway, I'll be back...