Last night, I did something that I wanted to do.
Prolly shouldn’t have been doing it; but, I wanted it. I sent out in search of it. I tried to be extremely blunt about it. I wanted to give the appearance that this was a completely separated thing from that.
I realize I was wrong. I am wrong. My gross negligence is not only, alienating me; but, hurting someone else.
In the middle, of doing what I wanted to do I saw something. It was for just a moment. Like a shimmer of light in the middle of darkness.
He wasn’t separating this from that. This and that were one in the same to him.
Our eyes met and it was intense. 30 seconds spent really connecting. Eyes fully locked. I didn’t allow the fact that the closeness made me uneasy, frighten me. I worked through it. I let myself be drawn in. Let my self really feel that feeling.
I think he was reading my mind. He seemed happy; like it was HIS breakthrough.
It was eye opening. He smiled. Then he kissed my leg (that was resting on his shoulder) so softly, like he was sealing the deal.
I felt butterflies.
Images and conversations passed by that I’d forgotten….or that I’d suppressed, things he’d said, hints he’d given me. They all flooded back to me. Blurried my eyes. Surprised me.
He knew, that I knew, what he’d been waiting for me to realize. The moment he’s waited four years for me to realize.
My awakening was exactly what he’d been waiting for.
The problem is, now what?