Thursday, July 13, 2006

I need a full body massage.

Zane's ass can write a book can't she... I'm reading Afterburn. It is hot!

Anyway, I have been having mixed feelings about Bobby from the get go. I was going to have the "break up" talk with him on Friday and I found out he's emotional too. Carl Thomas read him right "I'm emotional and I can't let go.."

He's very quite. I mean having a conversation with him is like finding a sale at the Beverly Center...extremely rare. I like to talk (as you may have discovered from my writing) all I get from him is yes. fine. ok. no.

My mom's suggestion is to always write out a pros and cons list, when trying to make difficult decisions. The pros and cons were about even. It's just that I and not happy.

I'm not. Everyone else seems to be. He is. My daughter is. My family likes him. I am not. It's not the commitmentphobia problem it's something else. It's not a fearful feeling. It's not a 'I might miss out on something' feeling. It's a...I can't put my finger on it. I'm just not happy. He drinks too much. He's jealous. He's demanding. Yet he's all those things in a sweet way...see my frustration? Maybe I'm not explaining it right.

I used the old 'You don't talk much, so, I really don't think we have much in common' speech. That led to him giving me an hour spill on ALL of the things I didn't know about him. Some are rather scary (in about a year or so this mob guy may be after him...no lie), some explained the way he is who is better.

After his spewing out of past history, he all of a sudden wants to talk. Ask me questions. Suddenly his interested is so peeked that I finally had to tell him to shut up...

I fell asleep on the love seat angry at myself. He laid on the floor next to me with one hand gripped on my arm.

The next morning we went to Santa Catalina Island. It was his first time. An old boss/friend of mine bought the tickets. The rest of the couples were my co-workers. He was the perfect date. I couldn't have wished for a better date. He was kind and considerate (like he always is), he made friends with one of my co-workers fiances and he talked and laughed and was a wonderful guy. He snorkled and drank cocktails on the beach and he was fantastic! I was in love with Catalina Bobby.

When we got home it was completely different, Bigsis called and I went in to the bathroom to talk to her (I had the runs since we'd gotten home...just trying to keep it real) and he got pissed at me because he said I went in to the bathroom to talk to another guy. That reuined the whole day.

The next day we got into an arguement because I told him I was tired and didn't want to have sex. He says that I must not "love" him then. How old are we 17? Sex doesn't equal feelings.

Monday my mom called me and said she had a dream about me being missing and Bobby (of whom she's never met) called her to tell her he hadn't seen me in days. When she asked him had he called the police he hung up.

I just don;t know.

I do know that one of my employees is getting on my damn nerves. He is driving me fucking crazy! To the point where I hardly want to come to work and deal with him and his behavior. I really want to scream. I guess it's hard for you to except orders from some that you use to work with. Especially after you applied for the same position. But the best woman won...get over it. I am seriously going to have to take it to the next level with him.

My, my daughter, is getting so big. She is the reason I wake up and do it all again. I am glad I had the strength to have her.

I have been really depressed this last week. I think mainly becuase my mind needs rest from everything that's been going on in my life. I just came back from vacation but I feel like I neeed a vacation.

1 comment:

jirzygurl said...

well that makes sense about bobby... trust your gut. that is the only advice I would give. God gave us all intuition for a reason... trust your instincts and if you are not happy then move on!
sounds like your co-worker needs a swift kick in the arse...