Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Jane's sneaking a boy into the house story.

When I was seventeen and a senior in high school, my mother called me in her room one night and told me that she was moving to Palmdale (about two hours from where we lived). I burst into tears.

How could she expect me to move away my senior year in high school? Move away from my friends that I’d known since I was in sixth grade. Move away from MS, my super special boyfriend at the time. Move away from everything I’d known for the last ten years… I was balling. I was screaming at my mom begging and pleading with her.

She stood up, in a sort of cocky fashion and told me "I hadn’t intended on you moving with me."

She went on to tell me that she had planned on her and my step dad moving and little Jane staying in the apartment with a roommate.

I was gonna party like it was 1999; because, it was 1999!!!!! Or so I thought...

Well the lady she got to be my roommate was 400 years old. She had this lady act as my guardian, since my parents were two hours away. The roommate was Satan in a moo-moo. My partying plan was foiled. She was horrible…. I was the brown version of Cinderella.

I only went to school half days; since I’d completed my credits that winter. I went to school 8a to 12p then I worked at Express (the clothing store) 2p to 7p. Then I had ballet class 730 to 930 three nights a week. Satan made sure I was where I was supposed to be. She made sure I cleaned my room and walked my dog and washed clothes and cleaned the front bathroom and wasn't out late.... I mean really?

She was on me worst than my mom ever was. My mom was always real relaxed. As long as I did well in school she was trippin off me, ya know?

Well life with Satan was so bad that I moved out. I moved in with my uncle at his two bedroom condo in Marino Del Rey (this really UPSCALE area near the beach). Well my uncle had one room and I had the other. There was a bathroom upstairs that had doors where you could enter from both rooms; my uncle figured since I’ma chick I needed my own bathroom so he blocked off his own door into the bathroom.

Well one weekend he told me that he was going to spend the ENTIRE weekend with his estranged wife in Arizona.

So I, thinking I was extra grown in, what I considered, "my" condo; since I paid rent and my uncle could careless where I was. I invited MS over for the weekend.

He came over and we were living in our fantasy world. Pretending this two-story condo, with a pool and spa was "ours". We were living it up…

I cooked dinner. We took a dip in the jacuzzi. We watched TV on the big screen down stairs. Drank wine out of $300 wine glasses. Then made our little way up to my room.

We were on our bed making out (I know that’s corny) getting a little hot and heavy. Shirts were off, pants were un-zipped, slobber was every where HA!.

Suddenly the front door opened. I could hear my uncle and his estranged wife arguing about something.

I hopped off the bed. Closed the door. Threw on a shirt pushed MS into the bathroom, told him not to breathe.

My uncle’s wife left in a rush. He stayed downstairs for about thirty minutes. I pulled MS back into my room and we whispered about what our plan was. I was terrified.

As grown as I thought I was, if my uncle found MS in my room, I’d be one dead 17 year old.

Finally my uncle came upstairs and he came straight to my room. MS was in the closet. My uncle sat on my bed and began to tell me an hour and a half long story about how he and his wife got into an argument on the way to Arizona and how he was afraid this was the end of their relationship and on and on and on and on and on.

I tried to give him signals that I was tired. I yawned I closed my eyes for extended periods of time, I completely stopped talking to him. I wanted him out! Get this, he started crying... and asking for my 17 year old-hidding-a-boy-in-my-closet self for advise.

After his sad display of un-manliness my uncle finally went to sleep in his room.

I let MS out of the cramped closet. We lay in my bed, with him closest to the wall away from the door. He whispered how mad he was at me and how embarrassed he was… We whisper-laughed about the ridiculousness of the situation until about 3am. Around that time, I went downstairs alone, and pretended to get a glass of water, I opened the front door and left it open.

Then I went back upstairs and MS went downstairs and out the front door….

My uncle was never the wiser.

After that MS would just sneak me into his house, where he stayed with his aunt. LOL... I know I was a hussy....sue me.


Nina said...

this made me smile today. thank u.

Sha Boogie said...

Hilarious! Why come I really opened my mouth like 'oh no!' when your uncle opened the door, HA!

Monie said...

LOL! Cute story! You cut it close, girl!