Our fish died Tuesday. I kept having a feeling that the fish was going to die. Something just kept nagging at me about it.
When I would go to wake MY up in the mornings, I would check that the fish was alive first and then wake her. Well Tuesday the damn thing was dead.
It ate itself to death. I guess it couldn't deal with the confusion about it's sexual idenity.
Well I didn't point it out to MY, I didn't want her to have a bad day at school.
When I came back from dropping her off, Vh1 and I flushed it down the toilet.
I decided I didn't want to lie to her and get another one.
I told Vh1 I'd tell her her fish went to heaven.
He sighed and said...don't do that. He shook his head at me (I sensed a condesending attitude) You shouldn't tell her that her fish went to heaven because fish don't go to heaven.
***I paused.Thought to myself, well were the hell do they go?
He continued. Fish don't go to heaven because they don't have souls. He said, tell her Charolette went to a better place.
What place would that be then? Animal afterlife?
***ON ANOTHER NOTE***
my daughter's father's mother is dying.
she is a chronic alcoholic.
she has a failing heart.
her liver is severly decayed.
she needs a heart transplant. they don't give heart transplants to alcoholics.
she's going to die.
why is it that i only have a small..very small amount of empathy for her?
am i becoming a hard rock (when i really am a gem...shot out to lauryn hill)?
i should feel something. i should feel sad. i should be solem.
i didn't blink at the sight of her oxygen mask and tank...what is wrong with me?
i light-weight forgot to even ask how she was doing when i got to her house...am i that impolite?
i never ask my bbd how she is...do i even care?
i don't feel sad.
i have no empathy for her at all.
i mostly regret that my daughter will have to know her grandmother passed away (i will not take my 5 year old to a funeral).
i have no emotion as it relates to it.