Monday, August 18, 2008

DRAMA... caused by me of course.

vh1 and I pounced on each other after not seeing each other for the entire week. GREAT fun! We watched a movie and then went to sleep.

Around 4 in the morning, I woke up and he was not in the bed.

Why!!!! Did I go in the living room and he was in there on the phone! At 4 in the morning! Talking on his fucken cellphone!
I went off like the crazy lady. It was a hot damn mess. I was crazy!
I walked in the living room like "You know what Vh1 Fuck you! We just finished fuckin and you in here on the phone with some other bitch!"
I was going the hell off. He was just looking at me...stunned. like he didn't know what to do.
He was like "I'm on the phone with my friend."
I was like "Fuck you and your frined. ! I'm done!"

I was furious! My stomach was bubbling and ached. I was about to cry. My chest hurt...my heart felt like it was going to fall on the floor.


He just sat there looking at me like he was about to cry. Not saying anything.

So I went in the bathroom to calm my self. I looked at me in the mirror and counted down from 10.

When I came back out he was completely dressed, I was like "you leaving!"
He was like "yeah."
I was like "fuck it. Do what ever you want to do."
He was like "What! You want to talk first and then I leave?"
I was like "You know what. I don't care." My voice was shakey.
He said. "What do you want!?!"
I say "I don't want you to leave!"

He drops his bag on the floor and sits on the couch.
I stand in the hallway door way.

Silence.

His phone rings. He looks at it and shakes his head.

The ringing angered me. I get up and go in my room. I turn on the tv. I'd rather watch the fucken olympics than deal with this right now. I don't cry. I bite myself. Telling myself that this was my own fault.

I can hear his phone ringing in that horrible ringtone. I want to throw the phone out the window.

After about thirty minutes. I go back in there and I say "Ok? so now what?"
He says "NOTHING!" Which, he never ever talks to me like that. So you know my punk self filled up with tears about to cry. I say "Nothing? really?!"
He says "I was talking on the phone in the bed right next to you....but I was loud so I came in here cause I didn't want to wake you up."
I say "to a bitch"
He says"To my friend. that called me cause my other friend got shot"

I felt like an asshole.

I didn't sleep. I don't think he did either.
Around 8 MY wakes up. She says good morning to me, then goes in the livingroom with Vh1. I can hear the two of them laughing.

I hear him make her a bowl of cereal.

I hear her making up"thank you vh1" song.

He stayed in the living room and I stayed in mybed room.

I went in there and I was like "What are you watching?" Without even looking at me he says "ATL!"

I was like. "ok." I sit down and started watching it with him.

After like half of the movie. I say....
"I am so sorry. You have to see what it looks like to me though. I wake up and you're in another room whispering on the phone to someone else."
He was like "Ok, I understand that.... but why did you have to come at me like that? You really think I would do something so shady to you?"
I was like "Men do it everyday."
He was like "You are so important to me. I would never do anything to hurt you or make you feel decieved."
I felt like the biggest asshole.

He was looking all disappointed in me like he was about to cry. I was feeling so sad that I was about to cry... It was sad.

He was like "I care too much about you to do anything like that to you." He was looking like he was gone cry any second cause his friends kept calling him back to back to talk about the friend that died.

I went and sat next to him was like "Don't be mad at me." He didn't say anything. so I wrapped my arms around him and was squeezin him real tight and I was like "don't be mad at me." he wouldnt say nothing... so this went on for like 10 minutes. I was crying. like a punk. then finally he was like. "I'm not mad. I'm just thinking about what kind of person you think I am."

That made me feel even worst.

9 comments:

Monie said...

Lordy...Jane, honestly, I probably would have thought the same thing if I woke up at 4am and D was out in the living room talking on the phone. And that's terrible.

I know what you're going through right now and I hope things can get better. I really like you and Vh1 together...

Young woman on a journey said...

oh no...i almost cried. Your perspective was understandable. but we must know the truth before negatively assessing a situation. VH1 sounds great! don't assume the worst, just leave a little (very little) room for suspicion.

Eb the Celeb said...

damn damn damn damn damn damn

we as women are so neurotic sometimes... we always spazz first and ask questions later.. its in our nature... especially if we are a women scorn its hard to believe that we have a good one...

I want to say that I would have done something different but I know it would have been the same...

you were good for apologizing... but we have to remember to never go to bed angry so maybe it should have happened at that instant than the next day...

but he loves you and this story made me smile

Liz said...

uhm 1- i like the new look! snaps on that
2- that is a sad situation... you did the right thing by apaologizing but he could have just told you what was going on when you first accused him... i mean he probably didn't know how to handle it. circumstantial evidence messes us up everytime

Young woman on a journey said...

oh wow. when did you change the look. i swear i commented yesterday and it was the same background. this is sexy!

Chris said...

that's a trip...but if it was me, i would've said what it was as soon as you said something...

Jane said...

-Monie: girl, I was in a heated fury with that man...

-Journey: I feel like crying when I read it back to myself.
Thank you for the love on the new background! When I got home from work last night I decided to try it out...I love it! I'm glad you do too!

-eb: spazz is exactly what I did...it was like another person that I don't even know was yelling at him like a damn banchie! Afterwards i felt embarrassed and bi-polar.

-Liz: thanks! I've been trying to decide on a new look for a while.

-Liz and Chris: Yeah, that's what I told him...why didn't he just tell me...he said he was so confused and didn't know what the hell I was talking about at first that he just was stunned. I think he was sorta like stunned from finding out another person just died and then I was all randomly cussing and pitching a bitch at him he just lost. He wasn't really saying anything to me. Just looking at me like I was crazy. Like he didn't understand.

Nina said...

damn

belle said...

gosh. still reading through your blog. love it!
this post made me a little teary eyed...:-/