Tuesday, July 01, 2008

Jane the Crack Head Hunter

i walk out my door this morning and there's a female crack head sitting on my steps. Mexican girl about the same age as myself. Scragelly, thin, red hair , red bumbs covering her face that she obviously had been picking at, about 16 random teeth in her mouth, dressed in stone washed jeans and a jean jacket (traditional crack head garb)

I was stunned a bit when I say her. I don't really live in the crackheads usual habitat. But Hey, crackheads are everywhere...they're like new movies coming to an area near you.

I say: canI help you?

crackmonger: um...no. no one can help me.

I say: well, are you waiting on someone? (she couldn't be there's one stairwell that leads to my apartment and to the apartment next door, which is officially empty as of Sunday.)

crackmonger: no. just sitting. (she grips something tight in her hand. I focus in on it. A green lighter. prolly for future crack usage)

I say: well, can you sit somewhere else? ( I don't laugh. I don't want her to precieve me as a friend)

crackmonger: sure, I understand. (she seemed really clear that her crackheadedness was shameful)

I say: ok. well.... ( give her the move your ass hand gesture. she shook her head.)

I continue down the stairs and move my car (Tuesday is street sweeping and my car was parked on the street instead of in the garage....cause I'm lazy). As I'm walking back to the apartment I don't see anyone there. I think to my self "gees, you were brave. " I chanted in my head "Jane the Crack Slayer! Hooorah!"
As I approach my steps I realize, she hasn't gone anywhere, she's just laying there! Laying on my steps.... spralled put.

She's laying there moaning in a true crack hoe like fashion...

I say: look girl you gotta move.

crackmonger stares up at me: ok....I couldn't fool you huh?....

I say: there's a park down the street...lay there.

crackmonger: ok. thanks.

I say: God sees you.

crackmonger: I hope so.

Yall know I called the landlord and local police station for back up....yall know I'm by myself for the next 6 weeks! She might come back later at night next time.


Chris said...

Wow...crack doesn't kill fast enough, huh?

jirzygurl said...

lol @ crack slayer! you got problems... HA HA! but yeah i have pity for crackheads but you def can't trust them... and i am from crackhead central so i know. it's sad. it does hurt my heart to see people i know or went to school with that are strung out.

Nina said...

Yes!!! Crackhead slayer...I've been having ummm....issues getting online. SO..what's your email addy again?

Sha Boogie said...

Ahh..I remember the first time I came in contact with a crackhead.

I was chuggin up the driveway to my ex's house when I see this nigga lighting his pipe under the porch!

Did I mention my ex boo lived in the hood? Yeah. Anywho..I look at him- he looks at me-- I look at him....

And he continues to light and smoke his pipe in my face like I ain't shit! So, what so i do?

Run in the house like a little bytch and scream to my ex that there is a CH smoking under the porch, lol.

What? I ain't no crime fighter! I'll leave that to Jane, haha!

Moody Gemini said...

You go girl...you know they are crazy & don't feel pain right? So if you hit her she would keep on coming....brave