today marks our official two whole months. as we approach that weird and oh so relationship defining third month, the wierdness is settling in. that i like you but i'm afraid to tell you because its so soon and i don't know whether you're still seeing other people stage.
we have been spending a lot of time togehter.
last thursday (the 10th)night, fridaynight, saturday day, saturday night , sunday day, sunday night, monday night, tuesday morning and wednesday morning and wednesday night. so maybe more than a lot of time. lol.... maybe an excessive amount of time...lol
what my fear is, is that with my track record, i am so bad at that serious relationship conversation. i am the worst at that conversation. he and i talk about everything, from menstral cycles, to crackheads , to Obama, to boogers and i find it weird to bring up the topic of exclusivity.
it's so odd, how that is. the fear of rejection is such a paralyzing obstacle, isn't it? fear that your love won't be recpricated. sigh.
last night vh1 calls and says "hey i'm going to the ihop near your house. is it ok if i come by afterwards?" i say "sure, like what time?" he says "like in an hour, it's late, I know but I just want to lay next to you...smell you...you know" I say "sure." Once he comes over, he says "I had to call you first, to make sure you didn't have any company." I scrunch my face at him and roll my eyes. he continues "you're a grown woman, so you know you could have who ever you wanted over. I had to make sure you didn't have company." FREEZE.
now was that a.) my clue to say you're the only guy I want to have over or b.) his way of saying, I'm a grown man so I could have who ever I want over too.... or am I over analyzing the whole thing.....
it was a perfect time for us to sort of button down the titles and subtitles and what not but my fear that I spoke of earlier caused me to have tightened lips and wonder introspectively.