Monday, May 26, 2008

Oh....what a tangled web we weave...

so after two days of playing the he's-not-answering-his-phone game with e. i was getting my hair done on thursday...which came out simply beautiful, if i must say so my self i decided to send him a text that said it was over. done. finito. my hands were washed on the subject. he responded with a fury of phone calls and texts that i at first, refused to respond to.

all friday, i continued this silly game with him of "i'll call you right back". i had to stop and talk to myself and say "jane, what are you doing? how old are you? what is this game you're playing and why?" and so, when i recieved a call at 6:15am on saturday morning from a strained and by this time irritated e, i answered. i listened to 40 minutes of continuous explanation and even though, i was feeling 87% of what he was feeding to me, i decided to stay in my reserved position with him. i hung up around 7 with him, feeling like a chess player, like i had to decide which moves i needed to make....

around 10 i got a call from my friend that's a friend that i like more than a friend, lets call him VH1 for short, he wanted to make sure i was still rollin with him to his family gathering. i solidified those plans with him.

i got up got my toes done. somethiing about a freshly painted french tip that makes me feel uber fly.... go figure?! i got a fly ass fit for the day (skinny jeans, a black top and these cute little black and gold sandals). i picked up a gift for my daughter's fathers sister's baby shower-a rockawear pajama and bib set. came home and did up the make up and spiced up my flyness. haha.

the babyshower was strange. my daughter's father brought his girlfriend, that none of his family likes, to the shower. so when i arrived, his family was putting the ten on the two, about how much they like me. hugs and kisses were passed out. "oh, you look so cute's" were spread around generously. to the point were new girlfriend, obviously feeling uncomfortable, got up and went outside. i took that as my cue to make a gracious exit and had my daughter's father walk me to the car so he could get MY's bags (she stayed with him for the night) and i left.

i met up with VH1 at his families house, which happened to be right around the corner. he was looking pretty hot in a light blue "teenage millionaire" tee shirt and those first edition carmello's. i tried to ignore that fact. his family is super nice. one of those black families that you see on tv type nice. no one loud and obnoxious. just laid back. he fixed me a plate and cup of that remi and the good times began to roll. his cousins and i became instant friends and his aunts all winked at me. his uncles gave him the thumbs up and we started to act as a couple. not intentionally. sorta like on accident. i swear, i understand when people say they didn't mean for it to happen. it just started to materialize in that way. after about four hours of family fun. i caught myself in a momment of ten second eye contact with VH1. i tried to ignore it but it was nice. then vh1 asked me to the movies and i excepted.... we said our goodbyes to the family, feeling much like the Obama's leaving a convention., everyone had to say their two cents. uncles had to whisper thier advice and aunts had to stack up plates for us to "take home" and older ladies had more winks and cheek kisses for me.

on our way to the movies i checked my cell phone for the first time and saw i had four missed calls from e. i felt guilty. but decided not to let that ruin my good day...yes, i am an evil wench.
vh1 and i saw iron man. which jane had absolutely no intentions of ever seeing but LOVED. iron man is gangsta. i love when the chic says "tony stark do you remember me?" and he says "no." and keeps right on walking! guts. oh yeah...side bar: i saw muq (my ex-bestfriend that's now married with child, that i no longer speak to due to some shit that the blog i'm sure the stories there) at the movies. first time in years. she looked good. i was downstairs and she was upstairs so i didn't say hello but it was her for sure.

during the movie my cell phone vibrated 100 times. text messages from e. i texted him back an "i'm in at the movies, i'll call you when it's over." he wrote " i want to see you. miss you. i need to talk to you." my heart flipped...gosh.. i hate being human. we have emotions and guilt... animals don't have guilt.

i waited until i went to the restroom after the movie to call e while balancing in the stall and listening to a teenage couple (boy girl) humping in the stall down from me.... (i saw them sneak in) e answered. soundin distraut and sad. he wanted to come by whenever i got home. i agreed.(insert insults here)

after the movie, vh1 asked me if i was done for the night and i said no. so he and i went to this reggae spot near downtown. we slowwined and drank malibu bay breeze's all the night long. near the end of the night they play this song that had us dancing a little closer than i normally wouldv'e danced and he smelled my neck....yeah it was odd. but nice. sorta reminded me of a Jill Scott's song "He was fresh, like summer peaches; Sweet on my mind like block parties and penny candy.Us was nice and warm, no jacket, no umbrella, just warm"... we left the club once they basically put us out. walked across the street and brought one dollar tacos, we sat in my car and laughed and talked. the car filled with smells of onions and red raddishes and yet we still sat there laughing and joking.

he kissed my cheek and closed mouthed me on my lips and i had morning time preminitions of breakfast in bed (like that show"That's So Raven") i stepped back from myself and saw myself slipping down a slippery slope. i was already falling. somebody save me from myself!! i left it at closed mouth kisses at least until i figure out e and i.

when i got back to my car, i called e. he admited his wrongs and continued on with the long winded explanation from that mornings conversations. he met me at my apartment. we stood in my kitchen talking about things. going through things. he gave me the password to his myspace. i pretened to not want it (but you besta be sure that i checked it this evening.... i ain't dumb, nothing to big to report...i guess he had time to erase whatever he wanted me not to see). we sat in the living room until around 5. when i realized i was awake and yet sleep.

i succumbed to the sand man on the couch next to e. i woke up around 9 to my daughter's father calling me, begging me to come pick up MY (you know I can't understand why that man can't keep his own child for a full 24 hour period). i got to really look at e's face in the morning light on my couch. such a handsome face. but so many uncertainties, so many inconsistencies, so much unfinished business.

i left e, sleeping on my couch and went to change into something to pick up MY in, as i was doing that her dad called and said he'd keep her until 1. so i laid in my bed and went to sleep. about thirty minutes later i could feel e, come into my room and lay down next to me. i could hear him pretending to be asleep probably thinking about my uncertainties and inconsistencies.

i picked up MY while e stayed at my house. i called vh1 to thank him for the evening while i was out. once i got MY and got home and the three of us had lunch.

i had to dance for church evening service but my head just wasnt' in it.

later we went to NDN's sons party. e, MY and i. a small arguement insued about whether he was going or not. but when he realized i didn't have cable and we would be going to a place where there was a flat screen and satellite and the laker game, he put on his jacket and came. he met the crew. they liked him.

we came home and played a little x-box and he left. i spent the remainder of the night talking to vh1 and flores on the phone.

now i can't sleep.

and i'm hungry.


jirzygurl said...

slippery slope indeed... good luck mama.. and you don't owe anyone anythng but yourself. so do what makes you feel good. and be with who makes you feel good. life is too short

Khoney330 said...

I agree with Jirzygurl. I am so not feeling him having a private myspace page and a day later giving u the password. Please the puppy is good and cleaned up by the time u got the info. If he had nothing to hide, when he received the friend request he would have accepted. No explanations needed.

Monie said...

e is a hot, fiery ass mess. Of course, he erased everything or else he would have accepted you as a friend as soon as you requested it. How did he explain that???