Went to rehearsal with Stace. It was nice. Got home around 10.
No call from Barbershop. No response to my text that I sent him.
Had the worst headache ever. Got a phone call from Flores asking me to ditch my party that I was going to for Super Bowl, and hang with him. I wanted to spend Super Bowl yelling a big screen surrounded by drunk, rowdy, Black people. But against my own best judgement I conformed to his will. I agreed to ditch the party and spend Sunday with him. I never wanted to be that type of girl. I hate that I choose to do that too.
Went to the market and brought snacks for MY and I. No Call from Barbershop.
Got dressed. Got a text from Barbershop finally: "Damn I miss you." I laugh at the audacity of his message. I haven’t seen him in a damn month. SO I respond: "Have you been drinking already?" He writes back "Not at all but wow." Uneasy feelings muster in my belly over my lack of strong….shit any feelings for him. I’ve decided to let him alone.
Went to my friend’s house that was having the Super Bowl party two hours before the game started. Stayed there until just before the game began. Dreaded leaving. Didn’t want to leave. Dragged My out kicking and screaming. But I left. Felt a horrible chill about it. But left anyway. Went back home. Flores was sitting on my front steps with flowers and wine coolers. I still felt regretful. I wanted to go back to the party. I went upstairs. Began watching the game. Flores ordered pizza. Flores played with MY, doing magic tricks for her and playing dress up with her. I still wished I would’ve stayed at the party. MY comes out the room sits next to Flores and says "Mommy, you should marry him. You really should." I laugh uncomfortably. Then I tell her "MY, who’s mommy’s husband?" She says "The man on the Target commercial." (John Legend) I say "Mommy, can marry Flores, she’s already married." We all laughed uncomfortably. I still wished I’d stayed at the party. Game ended. No perfect season. He won $10. There was still such and uncomfortable aura that lingered. He had to go to work. I walked him to the door. He grabbed my face softly and turned my head to the side and whispered to me "sorry for ruining your day." Kissed my cheek and left. I guess I couldn’t hide my discontent as well as I thought I could.
Lesson Learned: Never compromise yourself.