Tuesday, May 01, 2007

unclear

Well I haven’t written in sometime…It’s like I fell off the earth. Or something. Mr. Wonderful and I are still “together”. We did end up going to San Diego. It was nice. We didn’t spend the night though; we just went for the day. He ended up spending the night and it was all love.

The problem is with the right now. We’re at that point where we need to make a decision about whether we’re boyfriend and girlfriend. We’re both kind of wading around it. But the hesitancy in both of us is pushing us apart. The thing is I have really strong feelings for him. I’m truly falling in love. But it’s as if he’s afraid to feel that way.

Last Sunday, we went to eat and he was acting so half assed. He didn’t open the door for me. He didn’t hold my hand. I thought at first it was because MY was with us but; then it began to rain and he blatantly left us. By the time we got to the car he was inside with the car turned on. I didn’t immediately complain but I though about it later and We sort of had “the conversation” but it just left me more confused. Then yesterday we had another one of those conversations and it left me pissed. I don’t know what to do or say. I care about him but I feel like he’s a little in turmoil about his feelings for me. What to do?

I had a really bad dream about Flores the other day. So bad, I woke up crying. He died in my dream. I sent him a text message. It said “Are you still alive?” He sent me one back that said “yes baby.” I wrote back “just checking.” He waited about thirty minutes and then called me. We talked for a minute, just about nonsense: his new car and the kids at his job. He wanted to know about getting together sometime and I told him about Mr. Wonderful. He said that’s cool and that he still wanted to do something for my birthday. I was tripping because he remembered.

So he sent me a text message this morning that said “you reminded me of how great you are and how stupid I am”.

Glad to hear that. The saga continues.