Thursday, May 17, 2007

post #201 !!!

was going on, with me? a bunch.

work It's gotten real bad. I hate waking up and coming in here everyday. it is real tough on a sista to have to deal wit the bullshit i deal with. i pray to god everday for a breakthrough. it looks like one is coming soon. i'll share that with the blog world if it does.

I have had two high blood pressure and one low blood pressure readings int he last month. it's due to stress the nurse told me. work is affecting my health, so i know a change has to happen.

matters of the heart i am head over freaking heels for mr.wonderful. he is the most considerate man i've met. i had an interview the other day and he sent me a text that morning that said "you know you're the best, right?" he's so sweet, i've got cavities. i love it. i love him (i ain't got bold enough to tell him, but i will. i will. i'm hesitant because he is still so protective with his self. he is still in a little bit of a shell; but it seems everyday he opens up little by little.

we also have a issue with a difference in our sex drives. i...well yall have read allllll about me, lol. he seems to be so unconcerned with it. (example: my daughter's at her dad's im home alone we both aint got to work the next day, i invite him over and he tells me he's tired.) that's just not normal to me. is it me? i have said in previous conversations with friends or what not that sex would be a deal breaker for me in a relationship. but right now im not even feeling that way. its an issue but i not in a state of more or i'll leave....yet. i thought i would be more inpatient about something like sex. not now. back in the day, let some dude pass over the va-jay-jay like he does; I would've been took crazycris up on his offers. i don't feel it necessary this time....funny huh?

i thought maybe it has to do with my neighborhood. it's getting a little tough. the gangstas be outside and shit now... twice he's came over and there's been issues with the po-lice. once he was forced to spend the night because they had blocked off the street. i guess i would be a little picky about where i parked my lexus too. but classic had a ss on dubs and he would always park over there...if it meant he got some va-jay jay. not like i'm saying i want mr.wonderful to be the same way or that our relationship should be based around sex. because i feel like we have so much more than that already, i want it to grow into so much more...but like R.kelly says "my body's calling" he ain't answering though.

life so because my apartment is getting a little "unsafe" i have been thinking about moving. i went see martinez on mother's day, she just got the hopsital...i didn't even right about that....oh, she had to have a hysterectomy (here's a little history on hysterectom, it comes from the idea that greek physician's believed that the uterus caused women to become "hysterical" during menopause.[the suffix -ectomy means to surgically remove] so they created the procedure hysterectomy to remove the hysteria from post menopausal woman...tough titty huh?) she had cancer or almost cancer or something. So I went to see her Sunday. I hadn't seen her since she was in the hospital so I figured my mind was in the right place on mother's day. martinez told me that her daughter's father is moving out of his old apartment and i should take a look at it. the next day she text me her bbd's cellphone number, he hooked me up with the apartment manager and i went to see it this week. it was jammmmminnnn!!! i am truely in love with it. so i might be know what that warming.

love My is becoming the most wonderul little person in the world. to be four she has more know compassion than most people i know. i don't think i would be anything if it wasn't for her. she is a little angel. god is in her spirit. she's a little box of heavenlyness walking around. i marvel at her. honestly, where did she come from. her spirit is so warm and forgiving. i wouldn't be suprised if she doesn't be come a minister.

i was in the bathroom this morning and i said a little prayer "god please give me a little encouragement, let me know it's going to be ok." about ten minutes later MY came in and sat down on the closed toliet and started singing "go, mommy! go mommy! go, mommy!" it was just what i needed to hear.

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