Friday, November 17, 2006

One time is all it takes.

Crazychris called me yesterday around 10pm. We chatted it up for a minute (we got into an argument this weekend so we talked about it), we watched Sex and the City, we talked about our days then he blurts out “Are you pregnant?”

I damn near spit out my Top Ramen Noodles.

I was like “What? Why are you asking me that?”
He says, “I’ve been nauseous and sleepy for the last week. I feel bloated and I’ve been feeling really emotional.”
I say “I’m not pregnant…I can’t believe you’re asking me that.”
He says, “I think you are.”
I say “why what you hear?” sarcastically.
He says “I think you’re pregnant and I’ve been having sympathy symptoms.”
“Chris, I’m not pregnant.” I say.
He responds “See, it’s the way that you say it, I think you’re not sure.”
“I’m sure that I’m not pregnant.”
“I don’t believe you. What are you doing Saturday?”
“What!!! Why are you asking me that? So you can go with me to take a test? You’re losing it. I’m not pregnant. Maybe it’s not me. Maybe it’s some other girl.”
He got silent. He was pissed. I knew I had hit a nerve. He hates when I accuse him of being with someone else…even if it’s a joke.
I say “I can’t believe you asked me that?!”
He says “Jay, I can ask you anything I want to. I asked you because I have a right to ask you.”
“Ok, Chris whatever. You’re always so quick to bring up your rights. If I was, how would you ever know.”
“What’s that supposed to mean? I’d know because you’d tell me.”
I didn’t say anything.
“You would tell me….RIGHT?”
“I’m not about to argue with you about this fictional pregnancy.” I sigh. “If I was pregnant I’d tell you; but sweet heart, I am not.”
“Yes, you are.”

Now today, my belly button feels tender, I have to pee like a damn horse and I can’t sleep. One freekin time!!!! The bathtub incident!!! DAMN IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ten reasons why I can’t be:

1. I’m not married and I refuse to be a baby momma two times over.The stigma of being an African American woman who has two children by two different men and she isn’t married to either one of them is too great for me.
2. I live in a one bedroom. Me and my daughter already share a room.
3. I pay 260 a month for daycare for MY. Can you imagine for two of them?
4. I don’t want to have an abortion.
5. If I had an abortion and told Chris, he’d suck the life right out of me with a little vacuum.
6. If I had an abortion and didn’t tell Chris, my conscience would suck the life right out of me like a little vacuum.
7. I can’t afford another child. Financially or emotionally right now.
8. I’d have two little people that I am responsible for.
9. Of all the just takes one little deligent swimmer who stays on task to find that damn egg!!!
10. I’ve been off and on with Chris for ten years and we just started trying to do this the right way.

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