Friday, November 03, 2006

”One should sit on a rock for three years before setting out on your way”
In other words, If you can do something for at least 3 years success is almost assured.

A principle of Shiatsu

I still don’t have a car. But as they say Change Gone Come. It’s got to get better…right?

My entire family has stopped taking my calls, for fear that I may ask them for a ride somewhere. My uncle, who was supposed to take me to the auction is straight up MIA, my sister ain’t called to offered me a ride home but once and she is at home not working and lives less then a block from my job, my aunt is becoming an alcoholic and lives too far anyway to help, my other uncle took me home one day and reminded me why he’s a stuck up asshole that I avoid at all cost.

Mom will be out here Tomorrow from Florida. She decided since she’s going to be giving me the money to purchase a car that she should physically see the car that I’m purchasing and she prolly wants to cut some heads off too. She’s the oldest sister of seven and none of her brothers and sisters are following through on their promises to help me look for a car or pick me up from work and my mom basically raised them. She feels some entitlement from them.

I can understand both sides. I am grown, so why should my aunts and uncles and cousins feel they need to help a grown ass woman get to and fro to work? But on the other side…We’re family.

That’s my family though.

I think one day I am going to write a book.

That is one of my life goals. Write a book…whether it’s published or not.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch (remember that song?), I haven’t heard from Flores since that day that I wrote about in "Post #175" !!! Mahalo…I am so not tripping because I’ve discovered something new in an old thing .

Crazychris and I are seeing each other consistently. He’s been picking me up from work on the daily.
Crazychris has changed into this new person that I am passionately in love with. The old days of the obscenely insensitive–make-me-go-crazy-episodes-two-minute-man seems to have dissipated. He’s this grown-up who wants to really work at a relationship. He keeps telling me that we have to work hard at this thing…its so sweet. It’s like we’re in a real relationship this time. After ten years, I’m finally the pig! (If you watch Grey’s Anatomy, you know what I mean. With ham and eggs...the pig is committed whereas the chicken is just involved…)

When I think about him I feel like there are a thousands little bubbles inside of me trying to fight their way out. I get excited like I’m 15 again. Like it’s the first time he called my house and I can’t sit still while I’m talking to him and like I am floating. Like syntax and grammar and money and bus riding and the bull shit that my boss gives me and the gossip at work and the drama of my students and all the meticulous things I do just to maintain during the day DON’T MATTER. Nothing matters. Just that he loves me. Sounds stupid huh?

The other day, the three of us (MY, crazychris and myself) went to eat at this chicken restaurant around the corner from MY’s daycare. He was talking to her about playing on the bikes at school and I got up to go to the bathroom, just looking at the two of them felt really good. Sigh.

The pessimist side of being a Taurus keeps floating through my mind whispering to me not to post these feelings of euphoria about crazychris for fear that later I will regret my words and feel foolish (like so other many times) but I figure…yall don’t know me know me… Shoot, you prolly won’t even read the entire thing. My main thing is to get it out of my head…share it somewhere. Some sort of release.

Here’s another song from the soundtrack of my life (that I keep forgetting to post):

The Sweetest Thing-Lauryn Hill

The sweetest thing I've ever known
Was like the kiss on the collarbone
Soft caress of happiness
The way you walk, your style of dress
I wish I didn't get so weak
Ooo, baby, just to hear you speak
Makes me argue just to see
How much you're in love with me
See, like a queen, a queen upon her throne

It was the sweet, sweet, sweetest thing I know,
It was the sweet, sweet, sweetest thing I know

I get mad when you walk away (don't walk away)
So I tell you leave, when I mean stay
Warm as the sun dipped in black

Fingertips on the small of my back
More valuable than all I own
Like your precious, precious, precious, precious dark skin tone

It was the...Ah
I tried to explain
Ah...but baby, it's in vain

Speaking on my mother's phone
The touching makes me think I'm grown, (you ain't grown)
Sweet prince of the ghetto
Your kisses taste like armoretto
Intoxicating, oh, so intoxicating
How sad, how sad that all things come to an end
But then again, I'm, I'm not alone

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