Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Now, Al Green knew bout love..

All day Al Green has been haunting my head all day.

"Lay your head on my pillow
Hold your warm and tender body close to mine
Hear the whisper of the raindrops
Blow softly against my window pain late at night

Make believe you love me one more time
For the good times
For the good times"

Aiight folks… back to the retardedness of my life…

I broke up with bobby a couple of weeks ago. The feeling I kept having about him got the best of me. I guess I had to “let em go, looks like another love tko…” his ass is taking it hard. He will not stop calling me. Matter of fact he calls me more. I had to threaten to call the po-lice and ya’ll should know how irritated I had to be to get them involved.

He still called me thrice today.

My weekend was off chain.

My (my three year old) went to spend time with her father a.k.a. the babysitter.

My asked me “mommy, I wanna go to my daddy’s house.”
I said “coo, let me call him for you so you can tell him”
( I get the phone for her, dial his number and hand her the phone)
She says “Daddy, I wana go your house.”
Pause…she listens.
Then she says “Yeah, Mommy! You gotta take me to the babysitter!!”
I look at her like ‘what?!’ She repeats “Daddy is the babysitter.”

I promise, I did not put the thought in her head.

Friday night I fell asleep before I could even get out and do anything. 8:30 my ass was prolly snoring and all. I worked 60 hours last week. 60 fucken free hours. I get paid salary so overtime is basically free.

Saturday, I got my toes done… the stupid ass woman at the nail shop was polishing my nails sideways. I had to stop her mid-polish and tell Juvy (my regular girl) to get over there and show her how it was done. My toes are too cute now.

I went to the Bachelorette party of my daughter’s father’s cousin. (some ghetto ass shit.) .

It was nice. The sister of the girl getting married gave her a $500 check. I had to call my sister and let her know what the going rate for bridal shower gifts is.

At the end of the party the strippers showed up… I’m not that into strippers; but the other ladies were; especially, my daughter’s father’s sister. She was screaming and pretending to pass out and throwing her laundry money at them. I was the stale quiet one in the corner praying neither of them tried to touch me.

The first stripper that came in, lets call him Uncle, was kind of chunky. He had on an army uniform and his belly kinda hung over the pants in a I-really-fix-toilet-drains-for-a-living sort of way. He had a gold tooth and fat cheeks. He had on this silly ass hat that didn’t even match with his army motif. I guess he must’ve needed a hair cut.…

He took his clothes off and his penis had pom-poms on it. I fell out. All the ladies turned around and were looking at me like I was the one trippin.

The other stripper, lets call him Bam Bam., was chocolate and had made sure to oil up his ENTIRE body before coming out. He was working hard for the money. He was real little though. Like petite in a way. He was kinda cute in his little army-man outfit.

The two of them did their little routine and came back out in just their g-strings. Bam Bam had on some damn slouch socks and black boots that were like a size two. I pointed it out to my unofficial ex-sister in law and we both fell out laughing.

Bam Bam had shaved his chest and the hair was starting to grow back so when he climbed on my lap and started humping me, I could feel it raking against my cheek. I screamed, which made him think I liked it, so he flipped around and put his face in my lap and his legs on my shoulders…. I was stuck. I said “I don’t like this. Please stop.” He stood up and went over to my ex-sister in law and she went wild. I felt violated.

Uncle took out three bagels and covered them with whip cream and began to pretend they were two breasts and a vagina. He slurpted and sucked those bagels clean I TELL YOU.

Then Bam Bam took a Japanese cucumber (if you never seen one, they’re really LONG) and pretended to be having sex with the bagel…I fell out laughing again, got crazy looks again.

The last little ditty was Bam Bam doing a solo to “Whine for me” by R. Kelly. That was the best of all.

Sunday I went to BBKings Blues Club. My home girl ALEX is the next big super star and she did a showcase there. Her ass is going to be somebody someday. Her manager is thinking about changing her name… he doesn’t think it’s catchy enough.

On a side note, my home girl Martinez was there and I barely even recognized her…she looked old and lived in. Like women who’ve lived on the street or something. She looks rough. Should I say something to her? I would want her to tell me.

Then Sunday night Flores, this guy I used to date back in the day who had moved to Arizona for a bit but just moved back, came by…We watched Road to Perdition (One of my absolute favorite movies...Tom Hanks plays a gangsta!) and ate the popcorn that my co-work Lilah bought me and cuddled. I can’t do nothing for another three weeks, doctors orders… trust me … I wanted to but I didn’t. So it was a nice friendly evening.
I picked My up Monday. Boy was she ready to come home. She told me “I had enough daddy money.” I think she’s been here before.

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