Friday, March 03, 2006

maybe I should change my blog name to "My life as a sinner"

It has been so interesting the things that have come to pass in the last week or so since I have last typed.

Trin and I are moving along appropriately. As a matter of fact he said his first I Love You to me. And I to him.

It was an extremely interesting experience, since the last person I said that to, was Class. (By the way, I had a dream about him two nights ago). The I Love Yous’ got even more confusing when he went on to tell me that he’s been feeling guilty about our relationship because he knows that it’s a sin to have sex before we’re married.

If you know me, you know that I’m the devil. SO I am irritated by this.

He and I are good together especially in that aspect of our relationship and I don’t want to not do it!

I want to spent days just laying around in underwear and sweat with him. And now he’s saying lets wait until we’re married.

What if we don’t get married? What if we decide to end this? Have I just wasted my time sexless for nothing?

To me sexuality and Spirituality are definitely connected and will I start to feel disconnected because I am unable to express my self to him in that way? Am I worrying about it too much?

I am definitely aware that this may come across as if I am only interested in him physically. But there are times when I just lie next to him and listen to him breathing. There are times when he and I sit on the phone for hours just discussing things. There are times when I just simply feel his presence and when I finally do speak to him, it seems he was thinking of me at that exact time. There are times when he and I just sit in silence (Him usually reading the Bible and me reading some steamy Zane novel….I already admitted to being the devil) and I have grown so connected to him.

So it’s not that I just want his body…which I do love his body; but I really enjoy that part of our experience together.

I should be excited about the fact that he's even considering that will in his words "probably end up getting married anyway" but instead the evil in me boils.??? Thus the personality disorder prolly should stay my title.

No comments: