Friday, July 15, 2005

Got damn girl here I go again.... Fucking Scorpios!

No, not the drama of my stolen car. No, not the drama of arguing with someone... Just me putting myself in places I shouldn't be.

At my age, (24), shouldn't I be figuring this life thing out, even a little bit? Shouldn't I have learned something these 7 years I've spent out here on my own?...These years I've been supporting and struggling and falling on my face and getting the fuck back up again and falling right the fuck back down again on the same scars I got last time?....

Shit my grandmother always says "life is a damn merry-go-round". You would think I would've learned to move out the damn way before it comes back around to kick the shit out of me.

Me and Roo have been kicking it heavy lately. Like erday. Introducing each other to friends and family type shit. SO you know...it's moving along. (for me to introduce you to someone...is serious)But my ass had to go and except a dinner delivery invite from rickroc last night. I know I know...I've said it once and I'll say it again, in the year and some months I've know him I have become addicted to him. But you've never seen him or felt what he makes me feel so you can't judge.. I do enough of that for myself.

You know that feeling when you buy a new piece of clothing and it makes you look perfect...You just can't believe they made it to fit you so well? That's how rickroc makes me feel. I can't belive we fit so well... Just the way we deal with one another, his conversation, his light brown eyes, the way he smells, the way he smiles, the way he makes me not be able to stop smiling, the way he kisses, his god kissed dimple on his chocolate right cheek, his skin, his soft feet (and I hate feet), ummmmm. that keeps me coming back.... One night and I'm smitten.

See, I feel torn because Roo is a good guy. He works hard. He makes me smile He goes to church. He loves My. The problem is, I don't belive in us. I don't really trust in him. I know that sounds stupid...who the hell would trust my instincts? look at my history? but something just doesn't feel right....

But it could be that I'm comparing roo to rickroc. Who could duplicate the overwhelming feeling of euphoria that rickroc produces? I think it's a Scorpio thing. You know they are magnets for us Taurus people. They sweep us up and whirl our asses around, make us dizzy so all we can concentrate on is them... Fucking Scorpios!

If only I could tell rickroc what he does to me. Instead, I play it cool. I'm all Whatever. See you when I see you. Fly by night type shit with him.

If only I could be as passionate with him in the real world as I am passionate about him in this blog. sigh...Thus the struggle continues.

Enough of this sensitive, emotional whah whah boo boo shit!

Have you heard the new R. Kelly CD? I don't care what you think, the man is a masterful story teller! You can't turn away for fear that you'll miss something. Only thing I want to know, is did he really say " I'm willing to toss your salad" in that Sex in the Kitchen song or was I trippin?

caio.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

We miss you