I'm dark skin. african american. short to medium length hair. big fore head. big nose. thick lips. big "doe-like" eyes. five five. one hundred thirty five or so pounds, but I used to be extremely skinny. when i was a little girl these characterisics were so shameful to me.
dark girls weren't in. skinny girl weren't in. big foreheaded girls was never in until ms tyra made ok.
so when I was young I looked for validation in so many other places. yea my mom told me I was cute. but she'd add in playful yet hurtful things like "if you wore your hair straight back you'd look like a boy" (I never ever wear my hair straight back...never) but I needed to feel pretty. I wanted to hear people tell me that. I never went without having a boyfriend and I always had dates but I never thought I was anything in comparison to other girls.
so I felt I had to prove myself to myself. I was in pageants and did some run way modeling and some photo shoots and I never felt much better about me. no matter how much love I was shown I never felt PRETTY.
It wasn't until I got out of high school out of college that I felt secure in who I am. And sometimes I still feel weary. I still feel bashful and I'm still checking my self in the mirror. Some people make take it as a sign of me thinking I'm cute. But it's really me being insecure. Not so sure.
My fear is that my daughter will feel that way. Or that some young girl feels the way I felt. What is that I can say to make them feel different about themselves? What would someone had said to me to make me feel any different?