Friday, September 24, 2004

Lowered expectations.

#1.Babysitter vs. Daddy

Why is it, that when I tell people that my daughter's father has her for the weekend they say things like "well, at least he's trying"?

Why is that good enough? Why should I be excited about him just taking her for the weekend? He doesn't do shit else, taking her for the weekend IS THE LEAST HE CAN DO!!!!!

No my daughter was not planned, but he is part of the committee of people who convinced me to have her. And I told his ass that I did not want to have a "baby daddy". But love makes you smell flowers when you're in the middle of shit. So I went ahead and had her. and I truely love and enjoy and bask in the fact that I am a Mother. I absoultely know and feel that I was made for this shit. I was destined to be a mom. I love every second of it. And would not have it another way.

I am up at 2:30am when my daughter can't breathe with her stuffy nose, I suffer through the fact that my one bedroom is now a 1/4th bedroom because her things take up the majority of the space, I go to work and have riden the damn bus when my car got impounded and deal with this asshole ass job that I have, so that my daughter can have a roof over her head, food in her mouth, clothes on her back, heat, lights,toys, one of the most expensive "pre" educations in California, and any cute Elmo toy that they come out with and his ass gets props because he takes her for the weekend?

I'm so sick of people patting his ass on the damn back for being the fucking baby sitter. I forsho don't let his ass think for a second that babysittin makes him a daddy.

What's the trip to me is that when I do get off in his ass about being a sorry ass 7th year jr. college student, is that I get labeled as the loud mouth head and hand waving BabyMomma. Fuck that. Stop telling me "at least him come see her" AT LEAST? He doesn't deserve to see her. Having a child throw thier tiny little arms around your neck and say "Mommy" or daddy... is a privilege. That should be earned.

I am so tired of hearing "Well, Jen you have to let him see her he is her father" fuck that. this nigga is the fucking baby sitter, Baby sitters don't get visitation!!!!

And I'm sick of all this I muthafuckin told you so heffas...My daughters dad and I were together for three and a half years, living together, going to church together, engaged to married, and using birthcontrol and condoms before I got pregnant. so I knew him before his ignorance set in. He lost his job and apparently his sense. I know that he can do better he just chooses not to. that's what pisses me the fuck off about "at least he's doing____" fill in the blank. He can do better. AHHHHHHH enough of this shit.

#2. Youngins

The Other day I left my house and saw this girl walking down the street with these tight ass, red, Life gaurd shorts on, that were so short I'm so sure her coochie was going to catch a cold, this tight tank top that said "HOT" across her 38DD...or damn near, lipstick or gloss, big hoop ear rings, a cell phone or two way on her hip, with her hair in a cute little pony tail with a bow on it, she had on these red and white throwback Jordans and a muthafuckin backpack....

Now I live on a one way street so I have to make the block in order to get going in the direction of my job, so when I come back around this little girl is going into the muthafuckin elementary around the corner from my house!!!!!! What the fuck is going on!!!!

Number one, the school is a Christian Acadamy K-8th grade so she could only be at the most 13. she looked like a grown ass woman. Like she is supposed to working a real muthafuckin job. Pulling in some damn rent money and shit. when I was 13 I was maybe 95 lbs. but this heffa had thighs that could choke a nigga out!!! What is in our water out here in Cali? Is it the hormone induced chickens we eating?

Number two, What the fuck is wrong with her momma? I mean I know we live in a society that the majority of parents aren't able to drive thier kids to school and barely get a chance to kiss them good morning but I know when I was young my moms had the fear of death in me. She had me believing that at any momment she would take my life. I would be no longer. That woman had me writing essays and doing standards for punnishment when I was in the second grade. I will admit that up until Jr. High I never had to walk to school, my lunch was always made for me, I always came home to a snack and I got plenty of kisses. But If I were to ever leave my home looking like this little hook in training did I would have had my breath stolen right from me.

Number three, Where is the "Role Model" these days? what are our children getting thier ideologies from? The video hoe? The Fuck-a-nigga bitch? The "don't you wish your girlfriend was..." girl? The street walker? Apparently, her mother hasn't taught her that this isn't appropriate school atire. Apparently, coochie shorts fits this schools dress where is this girl seeing anything different? I wonder if her seeing me in my suit getting into my car made her feel shame...please, that little.....ok one, two, three....breath Jen just breath.

Number four, why has African American culture adopted this "It Ain't my child" syndrome? When my generation (yeah I'm only 23) was young didn't your homies parents tell your ass what was what? Mine sure as hell did...and my moms sure would put her foot in one of my crews ass had she seen them show it.

#3. Lipstick is not eyeshadow.

Now I don't claim to be the hottest shit out there and I am not. On a scale of 1 to 10 I'm prolly like a 8 maybe a soft 9. And I don't always dress spectaular...even though most likely my shoes are super banging...and I don't know how many times I tell heffas less is more when it comes to make-up not clothes.

#4. Blogger is free I can write whatever the hell I want to.

I ran across this blog thing when I was buying this T-shirt on line that says "Got melanin?" from my homegirl who is an upcoming fashion designer. She has a blog on her site and I start browsing and saw things I liked so I decided 'hey why don't I do that'.

My shit is strictly for me. If people read what I say and comment I love it. All people love to know that someone has been where they at. Everyone wants to know that someone else has been through what they going through. It's human nature to know to want to feel connected to something else.

SO If I use my blogger to write about my daily fuckin activities then that's what I'm using it for. Sorry if my thoughts are not profound. Sorry if I'm not posting my poetry. Sorry if me talking about dating and whatever else I do is not of intrest to some but I am not writer. I've never liked grammar and I when I say I don't care about what other people think...I truely don't.

Blogging is what I do when I should be working. Helps me get some words out my head so I can think straight. SO if you don't like my site, I don't apologize. I'm not trying to change the world. Just trying to self-medicate myself. IT's ALL ABOUT ME!


Anonymous said...

I had to laugh when I read your profile and it said you'd never been nervous. Check out the title of my blog. I just finished writing about "baby daddy" issues this week. Ran into the bio-dad just the other day, in fact. I'm thankful I don't have to deal with him. He is still under the impression that he is someone's daddy, even though he has never paid child support, and has only seen my son once in the past four years (which is fine by me). Good luck with this mess you are in, and you are right to tell people that babysitting is not being a father. I also love your comment about "smelling flowers when you're in the middle of shit." Hell yeah.

kiesha said...

i hate when people give half-ass fathers credit for doing virtually nothing. like chris rock said "niggas always want credit for shit they supposed to do." you never hear women say "i'm a good woman cuz i take care of my kids" cuz that shit is a given.

jirzygurl said...

I agree that babby daddys do get props for every little thing that they do... and as far as the grown ass little girl... I got 5 younger sisters and I would Personally whoop their ass if I see them in some mess like that. it really does make me mad because you are gonna see that same girl next year knocked up...
I totally agree with you on the blogger thing too... I post what I want... most of it is probably boring but so what. comment if you want or just read and be out. anyway, I for one, love your daily stories and as Wendy Williams says you are a friend in my head so keep that daily ish coming!