Thursday, July 15, 2004

The dick is up

I'm IMing J today and he tells me..."My dick is up". what the shit? is this supposed to be some type of enticing remark that makes me want to talk dirty to him? really fellas what is going on with ya'll? you certainly need to step yalls game up.
I'm going for an interview tommorrow. I pray that I get it. It'll be a lot more $$$ than I make right now, closer to home, closer to My, has health insurance  lord knows a single mother needs her health care, and I won't have to do placement.
My daughter's father had the nerve to call me and tell me that he is going to be moving to mississippi for a few months this August. I say to him "yeah ok." and he says well that 's it that's all I wanted to tell you. bastard.
Rickroc and I have not been able to have a converstation longer than three minutes since last week. when he told me, he was "hawking out" me and only me. I still have no idea what that means. 
What I'm trippin off is the fact that now that we(Rickroc and I) don't talk as regular as we used to, why do I like him so much?
I just feel like since I'm not occupying the time someone else has to be.
I know that he goes to school and works, so I remember what it feels like to have all that on your plate.
I just can't get the thoughts of him grabbing some chics hand seductively right in front of me at the pool party and finding him chatting next to the same chic on the back side of the house, and seeing him grind against the wall with her, mind you no one else is dancing,  as if I wasn't even there, out of my head. His excuse for his behavior is "I'm the host, I have to talk to everybody." Muq and I could have sworn he said 'Hoe', but he pleads bloody murder that he said Host.
These thoughts just got me knowing that he is not trying to be a "one woman man".
Women love something that they just can't have. I need to live by my mother's advice:Find someone who loves you more than you love them.
Yesterday, Kaos and I went to eat for lunch. He calls me at work and asked if I wanted to go eat with him. I never turn down free meals so of course I went. He's cute. I didn't really remember what he looked like because, I was drunk, but, he is an absolute doll face.
We had tacos at some Mexican food place near his house he lives out here near my job. It was cute. then I took him home and he kissed me!!! In the freaking mouth!! Lips closed, of course but it was just a shock to me.
He seems like a nice guy, he just talks alot. And that's coming from someone who does nothing from 1pm-6pm but talk, I refuse to do work at a job that doesn't care about me.
Then he calls me last night and tells me that he was sad that we didn't really get to sit and eat so we should have another date. He says that he would like to take me to dinner Friday and he'll pay for a sitter. I said yes. Even though I already have a date with J.
I'm thinking that I really need to practice what I preach. I want a boyfriend who is faithful, and yet i am dating like 900 different guys. This is my issue. I'm a playa "from the Himalayas" as Martin Lawerence would say  and I know it.
 I was faithful and never cheated on my daughters father and look what happened. He cheated on me time and time again, then ended up trying to kill me.
I don't know if it's worth it.
Does every woman  person at some point in thier life want just one person that they can sit down and be in love with? Doesn't everyone just enjoy that closeness that you feel when your'e in a one on one relationship?  
It's remarkable.
I want that again.
 I am just afraid that if I let that feeling happen again, I''ll be made to be the stupid ass again.

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